How To Talk To Girls On The Phone

By on August 9, 2010

So after reading the article on how to get a girls phone number, your phone is overflowing with beautiful girls digits, but… you have absolutely no clue as how to talk to girls on the phone.

Follow-Up Game

‘Follow-Up Game’ should be nothing more than confirming the time of your first date.

Guys often tell me that they have this particular girls number, who they really like, but she’s just not returning any of their messages. Now unless they’ve been sending some very inappropriate messages her way, the reason she hasn’t been replying is simply because the initial interaction wasn’t good enough, and they didn’t connect with her enough. So my advice would always be to stop worrying about phone game, and focus on having amazing interactions with girls, to the point where they are dying to meet up with you.

The problem with a lot of advice out there is that there is not enough emphasis on building a strong connection with a girl, which means that you are left using manipulative messaging routines as a means of meeting girls.

By being the one who approaches, you are taking the role of the pursuer, whilst the girl is the selector.

This might sound a little intimidating to a lot of guys reading this, but there is a silver lining; once you’ve past a girls tests, you’re in. From this point onwards its just a matter of not messing things up!

When you have a very solid number, meaning that you’ve already planned a date initially, the only reason that you have the phone number really, is just to confirm the date. Think about it, couples were still going on dates back before Antonio Meucci came up with the telephone. (If you’re thinking it was Alexander Graham Bell who invented the telephone, you’re wrong, he just stole the patent application and copied it… but this is not a history lesson!)

So whenever you’re closing a girl, ideally you want to have a date already set up.

The more specific you can be with the time, date, location.. et cetera, the less work you will have to do on the phone.

Having told you all of this, it’s almost inevitable that you will come across situation where it wasn’t possible to do all that. For instance if a girl is late for work or something. So in the rest of this article I’ll give you some ideas of how to deal with numbers that weren’t as solid as you would have liked.

Some ‘gurus’ will tell you that you should never call a girl, and do everything by texting. Others will tell you that you should always call a girl. In my opinion you should do whichever you prefer, and so I’m going to be as impartial as possible.

I think it will benefit you more if I layout the pros and cons of both text game and phone game, as well as some helpful tips, leaving the final decision of what to do up to you.

Phone Game


Pros:

+ You’re going to improve your conversational skills quicker by phoning girls than by texting them.

+ Calling shows more confidence, and interest than just sending a text.

+ You can communicate what you’re saying a lot better over the phone than with texting.

Cons:

- You’re more likely to mess things up initially

- If she doesn’t answer, you’re left with the dilemma of whether to leave a message, call back later, or sit and wait for a call back.

- Foreign girls are a nightmare on the phone.

A few tips that I would give guys that are new to this, and haven’t had any experience calling girls for the first time; when she picks up the phone, have energy in your voice (check out the article on voice tonality here) and be relaxed and calm. Whatever vibe you put across will be reciprocated.

On the phone it’s better to reveal more about yourself than in the initial interaction, so that the girl reciprocates and opens up herself.

*When she says, “oh hey, how are you?”, don’t just say “I’m okay, you?”.*

Tell her a little about your day, maybe a funny story, or something that you’re doing later on that day. Don’t overdo it, but after you’ve been talking for a little while, return the question, and you’ll find that usually girls will be a lot more open to telling you a lot more about their day. The idea of being a leader extends into intricate aspects of conversation that you are unlikely to have initially anticipated, such as the length of your reply. It’s your job as a man to set the bar as to how long responses to standard questions should be. If all you say to someone is “yeah i’m good, you?” you will get exactly the same boring response.

If you’re extremely anxious about making the first phone call, then write down a list of all the things that you could potentially talk about.

I’m not saying you should script your conversation before hand, but perhaps just making a few bullet points will make you feel a little more relaxed.

If you’ve got her facebook, see what her favourite music is and have it playing in the background. You’ve got to make the decision of how early in the conversation you can arrange a date. In an ideal world, you would have arranged a date in the initial interaction, but assuming you didn’t, remember what Darren said in Podcast 9; escalate on high points in the interaction. You might want to make a few short phone calls, just to see how she’s doing, and then set-up the date. Be the one to end the conversations, and do so on a high-point, leaving her wanting more.

Text Game

Pros:

+ The obvious benefit of texting is that you have time to plan exactly what you’re going to say. Most guys feel a lot more comfortable sending a text than they do calling a girl. However if you’re one to push your comfort zones the calling is definitely the way to go.

+ If an interaction was a little rough around the edges, a girl is more likely to respond to a text than answer a call.

+ It is easier to decipher a foreign girls messages than it is to communicate on the phone.

Cons:

- Texting isn’t sexy or romantic.

- What you write can easily be misinterpreted.

- You can easily misinterpret what a girl has written.

As a general rule, take at least as long to reply as she did. Do not reply to a text after about 7pm on a weekend, as it communicates that you’re not doing anything when you should be. Actually scrap that, the rule is that you should always be doing something fun anyway on the weekends so you are actually busy, instead of just pretending to be. Having said that, if you’ve been texting someone back and forth since 6, and it’s going really well, don;t just randomly stop replying when the clock strikes 7!

Keep the length of time between your replies unpredictable

You can develop a certain momentum when you’re texting, so when a girl replies immediately, you should too. I know a lot of guys who say that you should mirror the framework of the girls texts, such as the length, punctuation, smileys, and using the same words/dialect wherever possible.

As a general format, I highly recommend a basic template devised by Adam Lyons. Basically you start off with a nickname, a sentence or two about meeting the girl, a sentence or two about your day, a standard question such as ‘how was your day?’ and then P.S (insert random quirky question).

So just to give you an idea of how it should look:

Hey cutie, so random meeting you earlier. You won’t believe what just happened to me at work! How was your day? P.s. Who would win in a fight between a smurf and a rabbit?

In my experience waiting a few days to contact a girl does nothing but let the spark fade, so I suggest contacting her within a day of meeting her. Try to arrange the date within about 3-5 texts, and if possible, set-up the date within 5 days of first-meeting.

If a girl does not respond to your text, DO NOT KEEP TEXTING HER.

It shows that you’ve got nothing better to do and that you’re constantly waiting for her reply. There are so many reasons why a girl might take two to three days to reply to you, so don’t put all your attention on just one girls number. If necessary, wait a week or so and then try again, but it’s likely that you didn’t build enough of a connection when you first got the number.

When you start getting really good at approaching, you will have numbers flake, and when they do it sucks. But don’t let this put you down because it’s just another sticking point you have to go through. Keep going out, and stay in every interaction as long as possible, really cementing the numbers and arranging dates.

Hope this helps,

Andy

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8 Comments ... Read Them Below or  Add One
  • As someone who hates talking on the phone to anyone, I whole heartedly agree that ideally you should nail it in the intial interaction. But a well rounded pua should be able to charm and bring value to a women using just his voice, so I need to work on calling girls.

    I would add a point that Mehow made, that as the nature of text game is confidential and disconnected, it gives you a great oppertunity push sexuality, you can get real dirty, and say things which you wouldnt be able to say on the phone or face to face as easily.

  • Spot on Andy, as ever, big up the Yosha love!

    Torero

  • Hey Andy, great stuff dude!!!
    I actually have a comment regarding “the list” you refer to. Let me explain myself using something from my own experience. A while back I got this girl’s number; so a few days later I called her… and basically our conversation was fun and I felt like we really connected.

    Anyway, a couple of days later I wanted to call her again; and I was actually feeling really anxious, because I wanted this second phone call to be just as fun as the first one. So I had the idea of making a list of topics that I was gonna use; and sure enough, I did use the list. But here’s the thing; some problems came out from using this list:

    The conversation no longer felt real, it was like I was using one of those scripts salespeople use.

    I felt like there was no room for improvisation (or even fun), so actually things started to get really boring.

    I felt like I needed to complete my list, so whenever she had something to say and the conversation started to drift to some topic outside my list, I immediately; and with a major effort, tried to take the conversation back to my list (a bit redundant, I know).

    Don’t take me wrong here; I’m not saying that a list is not a good possibility; just take this as a warning so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.

  • Don’t forget to use good voice tone because you can’t use body language over the phone :)

  • damian auksorius  »  October 17, 2012 at 8:09 am

    hi my names damian auksorius ,i think the best point from this article was to have a plan of attack written down on paper ,with some key points to talk about ,that way you wont muck up

  • I’m friends with a girl on fb back from high school. I’m 50 – ha. I sell on the net and have a pretty unique life. But ahhh – she called me last night. I’ve been single for the last year – broke up with someone after 17 yrs. – I’m sorta allready in the door – cause my name I guess sorta well known in hs.. She sent her phone number and I’m calling her at 3pm – I’m sorta curious how this is gonna go – we are 3 hrs apart – I really donr know what shes up to – if anything – her ex is a prick – my ex is satan – ha – so I dunno know man. She even said she wanted to drive to see me – so she can see me on fb – so something musta caught her attention.. I have a good opening story – to jump into – so I’ll just wing it and keep my notes handy… be cool -

  • Hi there, everything is going perfectly here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s genuinely excellent, keep up writing.

  • Damien peter Auksorius  »  June 14, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    Hi my name is damien peter Auksorius , I find that when I talk to a girl on the phone the best way is to make here either smile or laugh as this breaks the ice so to speak and then the conversation just seems more easy , thanks again peoples

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