Episode #7 – Gambler Explains How To Build A ‘Soulmate’ Connection

We’ve finally got Gambler (Richard La Ruina) from PUATraining on the show, and what an amazing show it was. We fill in the missing link in seduction: Real connection & deep rapport. The only glitch is I forgot to turn the microphones on, so the whole show is recorded out of the little microphone on my MacBook Pro (whoops!). Still, the quality is still ok and you can hear everything that’s said, so all is well. I’ll just be making sure the settings are 100% right on the podcasting software from now on!

Anyway, enjoy the show!

Click here to download the MP3

Podcast Notes

Episode 7

Topics Covered

• Why connections matter
• What guys do wrong
• How to build a connection
• 3 ways to gain an insight into someone’s life
• Introverts and Extroverts
• Visualisations

Content Summary:

The biggest sticking point that I came across when learning game, was without a doubt, trying to build a deep and meaningful connection with a girl.

When you initially get into game, you might experience this yourself; getting a ton of girls numbers for the first time, only to then have them all flake.

If this has happened to you, it’s unlikely that you would contribute the flakes to not having had built a strong enough connection with a girl – this is simply because most people don’t actually know how to develop a genuine connection with someone! As a result, some guys think that they need to try and be even more attractive to girls; they tell more jokes, more stories and go crazy, with the belief that this will seal the deal, thinking that the more the girls are laughing and smiling, the better the interaction is going. This is true until a certain point, but these guys are missing the fundamental aspect of a great interaction, which is having a deep connection with someone.

It doesn’t really matter how entertaining you are, or how funny you can be; if you’re unable to build a genuine connection, a girl will almost always feel that a date is too much, and that you’ve got no meaningful reason to meet up again.

Think about it; hot girls have an abundance of guys approaching them all-day, everyday – most of whom are extroverted, and thus they won’t really try and connect with them. The girls inevitably get bored of these kind of guys, and because there are so many of them, none of them are able to stand out.

This is the reason that connecting is so effective. The extroverts who are willing to approach girls don’t know how to connect, and the introverts who would be able to, don’t, because they’re not willing to approach. Therefore any guy who is confident enough to approach AND able to build a connection, will be a real breath of fresh air, and something that girls rarely, if ever experience.

So how can I have a really deep connection with a girl?

So many guys think that in order to build a connection with someone, they have to have had identical experiences, and have everything in common. If they come across a girl with different interests to their own, they immediately think that they are incompatible, and ‘just not meant for each other’.

This belief is common with a lot of guys, because all men seem to have a ‘default behaviour’ where whenever someone talks about their own experiences, they immediately compare them with their own. They stay inside they own reality, within their own realm of experience, and merely express their opinion or experience on the matter. For example, if someone were to tell you that they went skydiving last week, your attempt at building a connection would probably be one of the following: either you’d ask a string of boring questions about skydiving, such as “Oh, where did you go”, or you’d relate the experience to your own, and start talking about the time you went skydiving.

**Asking a series of questions… or telling your own stories is not building a connection.**

Firstly, rather than asking questions, try making insightful statements by asking yourself questions and assuming their answers.

Richard told us of the 3 things that he thinks about,which instantly give him an insight into the girls mindset, and allow him to make statements about a girl:

• Character traits – What type of person would do this?
• Motivations – What might she feel from doing this?
• Emotions – How might she feel doing it?

We’ll continue with the example of skydiving:

• Character traits – Adventurous, courageous, fearless…
• Motivations – New experiences, pursuing passions, experimenting with activities…
• Emotions – Scared, excited, adrenaline rush…

Really think about how she would feel; if you’re unsure, then you should be inquisitive, which allows you to ask questions from a place of strength, as you’re asking her questions for a reason, not just because you’re scared of silence.

For each individual, only a handful of close friends and family will ever be able to disconnect with their own realities, and put themselves in the other persons shoes.

You will soon realise that as humans, we all have exactly the same underlying emotions; we just go about fulfilling them in different ways.

Not matter what someone’s interests, you will always be able to connect with them from now on if you can understand their emotions for doing it. A lot of people never actually stop and think about why they do something, so even just telling someone why you think they do what they do, is really powerful, as they’re learning something they didn’t even know about themselves.

If all a girl loves is shopping:

• Character traits – Expressive, creative, innovative…
• Motivation – To feel beautiful, provides an outlet of expression, to fit in/to stand out
• Emotions – Excitement, fulfilment, satisfaction…

Even when your interests are completely different, there is always a way of building a really deep connection with someone just through stating what you believe to be their motivations, and relating their experience to another activity of yours, so that they know they share the same emotions with you.

This is such a powerful technique and with it you’ll be able to connect with almost anyone that you want. But if you’re looking for a girlfriend, I urge you to really think long and hard about what you really want in a girl, besides her looks, and only connect with a girl when you really are intrigued and fascinated by her.

If you know what you want in a girl, you will become a much more attractive prospect, as you will become a lot more selective, instead of just chasing a girl because she’s hot.

I guess what you take away from this podcast is dependent on what type of person you are; whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert.

If you’re an introvert, put thing into perspective: you’re naturally able to connect with a girl, it’s in your nature. All you really have to focus on is making a strong first impression.

Extroverts; you’ve got the opening down, so now all you need to work on is what we’ve discussed in this podcast. Once you can tell a girl’s into you, stop all the high-energy stuff you’re so good at, and really get curious about the girl you’re talking to.

As a final though, consider using visualisation exercises to play through interactions in your head, so that you have some idea of where you’re leading conversations.

Take care guys, see ya next Wednesday!

- Andy

Click here to download the MP3