Episode #9 – Darren From TheSocialCoach.com Talks Simplifying, High Value, Kissing And More

For todays podcast we’ve got in Darren from thesocialcoach.com. Darren is an ex-lead Mystery Method Instructor for Europe, as well as having worked on project rockstar last year. Darren is a really awesome guy; about 2 and a half years ago I came to him asking for help, and he really set me off in the right direction. This is a really great podcast, in which we discuss a ton of different topics. Hope you enjoy!

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Podcast Notes

Episode 9

Topics Covered

• Dating made easy
• Being Attractive
• Taking Action
• Key Points & Fall-backs
• Value
• Nothing Is A Big Deal

Darren’s style, and thus general way of teaching is to keep things simple. Guys who get swept up in all the overwhelming, contradicting information, soon get confused, so in this podcast we straighten things out.

Darren believes that success with women boils down to two things: being attractive and taking action.

A lot of guys have the wrong idea about what it means to be attractive. They get hung up solely on the physical aspect of attraction, when in fact it’s a mans actions and behaviours which determine how attractive you are.

Relationships with women tend to follow a linear structure, with stages that require a level of risk to progress. Guys think that once they conquer “approach anxiety” they are free of all pressure. However, in reality, approach anxiety is just one type of fear of rejection. We experience exactly the same feeling along every step of escalation: going out, talking to women, going for numbers, calling for the first time, going for the first kiss, going out on dates, inviting her back to your place…

These points of rejection often either cause guys to do nothing, or do something badly by being indecisive. Girls will often give signals or invitations for you to escalate, but it is your duty as a man to act. In order to ever have success with this, you are going to have to take these risks.

If a girl is attracted to a guy, but the guy fails to take action, she simply moves on. Some girls might stick around for a little while, but you will only have a small window of opportunity to take action. Think about it, if a girl on the tube thinks you’re cute, what does she do? She’s going to acknowledge that you’re cute, maybe give you some signals if you’re lucky; and if you fail to approach, she’ll get off at the next stop and forget about you. There is no such thing as passive game for us men. We have to lead our interactions.

Darren believes that guys should have fall back ways in which to deal with key points of the interaction, so that they never hesitate when faced with a window of opportunity. It’s important to time your advances; it’s best to go for the number, or for an instant date at a high point in the conversation. By doing this you are always going to leave her wanting more.

Here are some simple examples of easy things to remember for key points where guys usually mess up.

With the approach, have a pre-frame in mind such as “Hey, can I just tell you something really quickly…” By doing this, you are getting a girls attention and disengaging her mind from what they were previously thinking about. Guys who fail to stop a girl with their pre-frame are likely to have a problem with what they are sub-communicating. Think about it, when you are asking someone for directions, do you fail to stop them? Use the same tonality that you would when you’re relaxed and confident, casually asking for directions. Also, slow down the pace of your speech, and inject pauses into your speech to demonstrate confidence and add suspense to what you’re saying. With the actual opener, it’s much more effective to use sincere, strong compliments. A girl would rather feel gorgeous than cute. Instead of saying “I like your dress”, say “You look great in that dress!” If you’re doing this properly, you’re going to be making girls days, so stop focusing on ‘what could go wrong’!

When in the initial interaction, it’s far more beneficial to start by setting up a date, rather than asking for her number, and: doing it over the phone.Darren never even asks a girl for her number. Instead he will say something like,“You know what, it’s been really fun talking to you. We should go out and have a drink sometime.” Just by saying this, girls will often offer up their number, or another way of getting in touch with them.

When going for the kiss, Darren suggests looking at a the girl and imagining what it would be like to kiss her, as this will put the right expression on your face. A girl might start nervously laughing, which is when you say something like, “I was just wondering how you’d react if I went to kiss you now” or “I’m trying really hard not to kiss you.”

If you can have one or two simple ways prepared for dealing with key points where you have previously been anxious, you’ll feel far more confident when having to do so in future.

As men, we often make the assumption that girls have had some kind of course on how to pick up attractive guys, and that they are all experts at it. The truth is that often girls don’t know exactly what to do either, and they will be even more nervous than you are.

A lot of guys think that they need to do a lot in order to get a girl attracted to them. In reality it boils down to being comfortable in your own skin. An example of guys who have this mindset, is those who have commented on Yad’s kiss close video, criticising him for things such as not locking-in. These guys filter things through a prism of a rigid system which requires every single step to be followed. By having such a system in place, there is inevitably a point where you can’t improve. If you can get to a level where you are so confident and relaxed, then the vibe you exude is enough to get a girl attracted to you. In our experience, as you get better at this, the less you’ll find yourself doing to attract a girl.

When you get to this level you will find that even things such as cheesy chat up lines will work for you, as you convey a completely different attitude with what you sub-communicate.

When going direct, a girl has such a small amount of time to assess your value. So it all comes down to simple things such as body language, sub-communication and voice tonality.

However this doesn’t mean that you have to go away and learn how to have the perfect posture, or the most masculine voice. All that you need to do is stay relaxed and composed, and demonstrate thins in your actions. As a general guide, have your feet rooted to the floor, head up, shoulders back, use purposeful gestures and do not fidget.

Try modelling people who have good body language. Think to yourself, how would Brad Pitt do this? Modelling people is far more effective than reading books about body language.

In order to develop a chilled vibe, which will then seep through into your body language, have the state of mind that nothing is ever a big deal. If you get frustrated by things that are out of your control, remind yourself of this; ‘Nothing is ever a big deal.’

If you get a bad reaction from a girl, remember that you have no idea of whats going on in her life. So why get frustrated about it?

Hope this helps,

Andy

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