For some men the very thought of approaching women and starting conversations is enough to leave him trembling with fear. And the cause of this fear? Usually, it’s the thought that if you approach women you’ll get rejected, and often in the harshest ways possible.
If I asked you to imagine the worst kind of response from a daytime approach, what would you think of?
“Leave me alone!”
” ” (complete silence)
I’m guessing these will probably be some of them. Well, I have a confession to make.
I’ve had all of these.
Did it hurt?
Am I about to tell you guys that you will get this too at some point and to just bite the bullet and do it anyway?
Because there is a very specific reason why you would get responses like these when approaching women and starting conversations. I learnt the hard way, but now I have this knowledge I can help others avoid some painful rejections.
I’m going to teach you about PRE-FRAMING.
When approaching women and starting conversations, what can often happen, ESPECIALLY if you’re approaching them on the street, is the girl automatically places the “Salesman Frame” over the interaction.
Before we continue lets quickly outline what a “Frame” is. A Frame is the context through which the words in the interaction are filtered – therefore the Frame over the interaction plays a huge part in determining what is ultimately being communicated.
That probably doesn’t make sense, so let me explain with an example.
Your best friend tells you that a certain stranger at a party is a complete liar and always exaggerates everything, and not to believe anything he says. The stranger approaches you and tells you he is a world champion pool player. Do you believe him? No. Because your friend “Pre-Framed” him as a lyer. Now everything he said was being filtered through the frame of a liar, thus changing what was ultimately communicated.
Back to the approach.
If a woman had lived her life in a cocoon before deciding to walk down that street, and you were the first person in her entire life to try and grab her attention in the street, she would stop guaranteed. The problem is that this isn’t the case. She HAS been approached in the street before. And the problem, is that nearly all of these times it’s been someone trying to GET something from her. Salesman, club promoters, charity people, beggers – it’s always been someone approaching to try and take some value.
So you approach, and unless you take counter-measures, she will see you approach, and will automatically place a “Salesman frame” on the impending interaction. Now ANYTHING you say will be filtered through this filter, and she won’t be listening to any of it, because she really doesn’t want to buy anything.
“Sorry I’m busy”
“I’m not interested”
“Leave me alone”
If you’ve ever had this reponse from a girl, then I guarantee you she is only saying this because she has preframed you, and is just assuming you are a salesman of some kind.
DO NOT TAKE THIS TO HEART!
You have nothing to sell – you’re actually approaching to GIVE value, through your fun positive vibe/compliments etc. So clearly there’s a mistake happening.
And in order to prevent this mistake from happening, you need to PRE-FRAME the interaction. This is where you place your own frame on the interaction before she has a chance to, in the form a short, intriguing statement just as you approach.
The statement will replace what you might have been saying to get her attention, for example “Hi there, sorry to bother you”
Replace it with a statement that is very unconventional – something that she might not have heard on the street before. Something that will take her by surprise and make her want to hear what you’re going to say next. Something that a salesman would NEVER say.
Some examples are:
“Oh my god I HAVE to say this to you….”
“Oh my god can I just say something?….”
“Excuse me, this is gonna sound crazy but….”
Get the idea?
A statement like this will Pre-Frame the interaction as anything BUT a salesman. She will be intrigued enough to stop and listen to you. Remember, all the pre-frame does is make her stop. She might just say “yes, what is it?”
But “Yes, what is it?” is a million times better than “Sorry I’m busy”!
Go out there and just remember when you’re approaching women and starting conversations to always start off with the pre-frame before you actually open, and you will find women much more open to talking to you.
Look forward to reading your comments for this article “Approaching Women And Starting Conversations – Pre-Framing” below!