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Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Confidence, Inner Game, Mindset, Self-Esteem on May 11, 2012

“People say that what we’re seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Joseph Cambell, “The Power of Myth”

Let’s be nerdy for a second. Think of the changes to the internet since its rise in the 1990s.

First there was Web 1.0  – static webpages with top-down content, and sales driven through basket clicks. Users could view pages, but not reflect on the content. They were not dynamic, focussing on presenting rather than creating. What we’d now call Old Skool.

Then came Web 2.0 around 2004, where web application features were developed to encourage sharing, user-centred design and mass collaboration. Think social networking, blogs, videos and applications. Think about how this website is built and runs.

In recent years, there’s talk of Web 3.0 emerging – a personalised, individual web with “intelligent” components, where the web will work for you automatically and predictively. The slave will become the master.

Why am I giving you a potted history of the internet? Well, for me there are key similarities between this shift in technology and a shift in “Game” or “Pick Up.”

Let’s define Game 1.0. Think pick-up lines, routines, manuals, night clubs, peacocking. Presenting rather than creating. Top-down in that the girl was seen as the “prize” and intent had to be hidden.

Now let’s think of Game 2.0. A move away from set lines and methods to a collective, creative, honest type of game, like direct street game. Think classic daygame, with a bottom-up approach based on freedom of expression and self improvement.

So what would Game 3.0 look like? In the last six months I’ve started formulating it, getting glimpses of it in my own journey and in the journey of others who’ve cracked the Daygame Blueprint or “Matrix.” It’s something “beyond” pick up that’s very personal, very fundamental.

Here are some characteristics that I see in Game 3.0:

 * 100% solid vibe that has become “natural”

 * A life beyond PUA, which is rich, holistic, complete and congruent

* A fully-rounded man, not just with women. Thus he becomes naturally “attractive” to others without trying

* Using skills learnt in “Game” (taking action, facing fears etc.) in other areas like business, health and long-term relationships. A life lived in full

 Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, but I can really feel a shift in the “community” in the last year or two towards a bigger vision, a larger goal. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with moving through the different stages of 1.0 and 2.0 to get good with women. It’s a rite of passage for every man. I took that journey, and am still nowhere near my destination. What I’m suggesting, however, is that there’s more to it than just getting good with girls. Rising from the ashes of routines are confident, congruent men with deep level changes. It’s time for the firebird to spread its golden wings and fly. Who’s in?

- Tom Torero, May 2012

Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on May 7, 2012

If you’ve been practicing the Daygame Blueprint structure for direct street approaching, you’ll know that the first part of the model can be the hardest – the Capture Phase. This is made up of:

* The Attention Snap

* PreHistory

* Observational Statement

* Assumption Stacking

Once she’s hooked, then students are usually away and can run with the conversation until it’s time for the  number close.

On this weekend’s bootcamp I noticed that the students all thought that the Capture Phase was set in stone, like there was only one way of doing it. Because of our infield videos, many daygamers think that it’s always the following:

* The Attention Snap = Yad Stop from the front and “Can I tell you something really quickly?”

* PreHistory = “I just saw you walking past and…”

* Observational Statement = “I think you look really nice”

* Assumption Stacking = “What I noticed about you was…”

However, if you look at the Daygame Blueprint closely, you’ll see that we’re not suggesting you use the same Capture Phase each time, for every situation. It’s funny to walk around London and see daygamers copying exactly the same Capture Phase that Yad uses for every single girl.

In reality, the Capture Phase is fluid, and very variable. What you do for the Capture should totally change depending on the specific environment and situation.

You need to start doing Chameleon Capture.

The Capture Phase should match the environment. A Yad-style capture (as described above) is ideal for fast walking girls on a busy shopping street. Even then, you need to make up your own exact “lines” for each bit of the Capture. Try to change it each time you stop a girl. For example, it could become:

* Attention Snap = Yosha stop from side and “Oh my God, stop!”

* Prehistory = “This is going to be really random but…”

* Observational Statement = “I love your style, it’s totally cute”

* Assumption Stacking = “You remind me of….”

With the students on the bootcamp today we hit other areas of central London where the street vibe was different each time – markets, squares, side streets. Often I take students into shops, stores and even museums. For each environment, I need to match my Capture to the energy level of that place. So for a quiet art gallery, it might go something like this:

* Attention Snap = Stand next to girl looking at a painting and whisper “Wow!”

* Prehistory = “I know it’s illegal to have fun in a gallery but…”

* Observational Statement = “You’re distracting me from this art with your look”

* Assumption Stacking = “I’m guessing you’re from….”

Get the idea? Just because you’ve seen a video of Yad stopping a girl on a busy street using one type of Capture doesn’t mean that you have to copy it each time you approach the girl. Match the energy level to the environment and inject some of your own personality into each bit of it by changing the “lines” around each time. Own the words and speak from the heart, adapting your vibe to hers each time like a true chameleon.

- Tom Torero, Executive Instructor

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Body Language, Confidence, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice, Getting a Date, Inner Game, Mindset, Outer Game, Self-Esteem, What To Say on February 18, 2012

I gave a talk last night to the London Seduction Society entitled “Fail More!”

In it I emphasised how getting good with women is something that can only be learned in an experiential way (i.e. going out and trying it). By experimenting, making mistakes, correcting them and trying again, you will progress.

Mistakes are simply vital reference points that should be embraced. I see all my interactions as things that could go well, or give me a reference experience (…a funny story at the very least).

Getting the rookie mistakes out the way as quickly as possible is vital. From teaching hundreds of guys on the street during bootcamps and individually, I can recognise these mistakes immediately.

Below are the Top 10 rookie mistakes of a daygamer. I’ve given them amusing names just to make it lighthearted. I have made ALL of these mistakes at some point when I was learning the daygame model, so don’t take them personally. Being able to laugh at them is a key part of getting better.

Top 10 Daygame Mistakes

1) Mr Creepy (Approaching incorrectly)

This guy can’t stop a girl. He touches her from behind, walks with her, tries to grab her, or jumps too close in front of her. The girl doesn’t know what he wants and panics.

She’s thinking: Call the Police!

2) Mr Stalker (Too serious, lack of vibe)

This guy can stop a girl, compliment her and begin a conversation but it’s all way too serious. He forgets to smile, body language is stiff, and there’s no teasing or playfulness to the pick-up.

She’s thinking: Get me out of here!

3) Mr Clown (too gamey, too entertaining, too funny)

This guy has read every Pick-Up book out there. He loves his lines, his routines, his jokes and his peacocking. The girl is laughing so he thinks he’s winning.

She’s thinking: Is this guy a children’s entertainer?

4) Mr Speedy Gonzalez (Talks too quickly, gives off nervous energy)

Everything’s100milesanhour! This guy doesn’t believe that people will listen to what he’s got to say, so he says it quickly. His nervous energy is often then matched by the girl, and the interaction spins out of control.

She’s thinking: Why do I feel so agitated?

5) Mr Hairdresser (Asks too many mundane questions)

The most common mistake. This guy makes polite conversation by asking her questions: What are you up to today? Where are you from? Doing anything nice later? He’s asking her to do all the work and not displaying any of his personality.

She’s thinking: I feel like I’m being interviewed.

6) Mr Bitch (agreeing with everything, putting her on a pedestal)

This guy supplicates to her. He inflects his voice upwards, nods his head, smiles too much and says “oh cool!” after she speaks. For him, she can do no wrong. She might like him, but she’s turned off by this kiss-arse behaviour and lack of challenging.

She’s thinking: I can walk all over this one!

7) Mr Gay Best Friend (Too much comfort, no male-female polarity)

Girls love this guy. He makes them feel totally comfortable. This guy doesn’t flirt or tease, he just allows them to talk about what they want to talk about. He’s afraid of showing his intent in case he loses her.

She’s thinking: Great! A guy I can be platonic with!

8. Mr Me-Me-Me (does all the work, invests too much, talks a lot)

This guy is doing far too much talking. He doesn’t recogise when the set has hooked and never gets the girls doing the work. He’s forgotten the power of listening and silence.

She’s thinking: Why is he trying so hard?

9) Mr Premature Ejeculator (leaves an interaction early)

This guy is his own worst enemy. He blows himself out by leaving an interaction that was going fine, just to escape the social pressure. Either he can’t believe how well it’s going or he panics and departs.

She’s thinking: Why didn’t he ask for my number?

10) Mr Dodgy Closer (closes too fast or messes up the close)

This guy has forgotten that you have to open strong and close strong. He apologetically asks for her number, mumbles, or gives up at the first sign of difficulty. This guy might also go for the number too fast, before the hook point.

She’s thinking: It started off well, but now I’m not sure..

_______________________________

Take a good hard look at those Top 10 mistakes and try to honestly say which ones you make. Get a friend to film one of your approaches, or record an audio of your conversation. Even better, get on a daygame.com bootcamp and have myself and Jon pinpoint exactly where you’re making mistakes, and how you can correct them. Small changes can make massive differences.

- Tom Torero

Posted in Articles, Body Language, Outer Game on August 5, 2011

It’s been said a thousand times before, but holding eye contact oozes confidence and value. It has taken me a year of direct street game, however, to appreciate just how important our eyes are when interacting with women. In this article I’ll spill the beans on what I’ve discovered through infield experience, from the street to the bedroom.

Over time I’ve realised that less is more when it comes to daygame. Dropping canned material, speaking much less and slower, removing the humour, leaving pauses and letting the sexual tension bubble stay afloat through not verbalising what’s happening.

It was 60 Years of Challenge and Yad that showed me the importance of letting the natural chemistry between a man and a woman do the work for you – the “game” elements are often the things that pop the bubble. But how can you stay out of the nice guy / friend box if you’re not hitting on her, you ask? The biggest tool we have is our eyes.

A secret code exists between men and women, that has to be learnt through spending 100s of hours in their presence. Speaking and listening by using your eyes alone is the building blocks to this code.

10% of communication comes from what we say, 30% through the tone of our voice and 60% through our body. Evolutionary speaking, the eyes are intended for so much more than simple viewing of the world. In terms of daygame, here’s how they can be your biggest secret weapon:

• As you walk down the street, look into hot girls’ eyes to see if you can get a glance back. I’m not talking about a hard, invasive stare, but a cheeky, sparkly look like you’re going to tell them a fun secret. If a girl looks at me, it’s the perfect “reason” to go and approach her directly. As Mark Mowgli says, it takes the “cold” out of “cold approach.”

• When you deliver your pre-opener in the capture phase, do NOT break eye contact. Watch a video of Yad infield to see what I mean. Scientists say that 4-5 seconds is enough to show a dominant, value-giving character.
  She will most likely look away first, which is to be expected. Note, in Asian cultures, it is normal for women to lower their eyes out of politeness…don’t let it throw you!
• When you’re into the rapport stage, when you’ve got her to start investing by opening up and talking, look deeply (but softly) into her eyes for another 5 seconds. Often you will see her pupils dilate which is a sure sign of attraction.
• On an instant date or follow up date, play a little game where you suggest she’s too smiley and can’t be serious for 10 seconds. Hold her hands and tell her to look you in the eyes as you count up to ten. Even if she gets half way, sexual tension has been created (credit Krauser).
• Listen to her with your eyes. Replace in-built responses like “oh cool” or “I see” with fixed soft but inquisitive eyes, almost like you’re not buying what she says. Often the girl will start to qualify even more.
• Explain the power of the eyes to her. Talk about them as windows to the soul, show her the dilation effect, get close. As the saying goes, a mutual gaze narrows the gap between humans.
• Instead of worrying about the kiss close, look at her as she’s speaking and imagine kissing her, or what you’d like to do to her. She will pick up on this and the opportunity to kiss her will often come naturally.

Go out. Try it. Replace some of your daygame conversations with eye gazing and silence. Let the sexual tension grow…

Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on February 25, 2011

So you’ve committed to going out and hitting the streets. You’ve mastered the art of stopping moving girls (even the storm-trooper ones!) and making them feel comfortable to stop and vibe with you for a few minutes. They’re crossing their legs, playing with their hair and contributing more and more to the conversation by asking you questions and opening up about themselves. You feel it’s hooked, you feel she’s investing, and you’re already thinking about how to set up a date with her and seal the deal. You take out your phone and tell her it would be good to swap numbers…

Hang on gentlemen…..slow down….rewind….stop for a second. What is the purpose of this whole daygame adventure? To collect phone numbers and feel temporarily elated, only to have them flake when you follow them up? No – you’re hitting the streets to meet beautiful girls and begin an adventure with them. The phone number is just a bridge to the next interaction because you cut the first one short. It’s a common mindset when you’re learning daygame to tell yourself that girls in the day are super busy, have water-tight plans, places to go and people to see. I still find myself number closing and ending sets because I think she needs to get somewhere or because I’m just so excited by how well the interaction went and I don’t want to ruin it.

But you’ve popped the bubble. You’ve brought the mini-adventure to a close in the hope that you can rekindle the magic and reconstruct the bubble another time when you meet for drinks and try to escalate things. Like a lot of things in daygame, the real truth is counter-intuitive. From much in-field experience I’ve seen that by not bursting that adventure bubble, and carrying it on in another location, you’re massively increasing your chances of getting that girl to sleep with you. I’m not saying that short, 2-3 minute number closes don’t ever lead to lays (shorter ones are actually good too, as it leaves her with that enigmatic Hollywood moment), but I’m suggesting that if you’re getting lots of dead ends from phone numbers, you need to keep the bubble going.

The bubble starts when she hooks and the vibing flows. You can be on the busiest shopping street, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of shoppers, yet talking to each other like you would with someone on a long train journey. That’s the bubble, where the outside world blurs and you’re living in the moment. She feels the thrill just like you, as she’s read about this moment and seen it in films, but probably never experienced it on the street. Perhaps you move her slightly to the other side of the pavement as a mini-bounce, which enhances the “our world” bubble effect.

To carry on the bubble adventure and massively eliminate flakes, it’s time to ask her for a quick coffee. Taking a stranger off the street into a nearby café is still an exciting feeling for me, and the girl will feel it tenfold. It’s another level of adventure from just been stopped…she’s now complying to a “spontaneous” idea. Girls love that idea of serendipity, luck, fate or destiny. It’s what Romantic Comedies are all about.

After 5-10 minutes of solid street vibing, when you feel she’s comfortable, say to her something along the lines of: “Look, I’m just going to grab a quick coffee before meeting my friends, how about that, it will only take 10 minutes?” I start walking in the direction of the nearest coffee shop and 9 times out of 10 she’ll agree and follow. Immediately the bubble intensifies and the adventure shifts up a gear. You’re no longer strangers, but two people getting to know each other that trust each other and have a plan.

Find the nearest coffee shop (or pub if it’s later) and confidently order your drink. It’s a good chance to show her your leading mentality. Maybe vibe happily with the café staff, make them smile, gently tease the girl about ordering anything but champagne. Don’t be afraid to buy the coffee for her too – this is not a nightclub and this has never happened to her before. Confidently find two quiet seats (next to each other on a sofa is ideal) and sit down.I always check the time, and remind her that I can’t stay long and am waiting for my friends to call. It reassures her even more that she’s not trapped or going to be bored by chumpy conversation.

So, the important bit….what do you talk about? The Golden Rule is that you talk about HER. I would say 80% comfort building about her, and 20% about you or escalation. You don’t want to know the superficial “hairdresser chat” stuff, you want it all to be about feelings and emotions:

• • •

What does she love most about London? How was it growing up in her country and moving away? What’s her passion / focus / dream, and why?

It’s not an interview, so as usual in daygame, you’ve got to make statements about her and yourself in between the questions. Maybe do some mini cold-reading about her, like guessing she’s well travelled because she seems so open-minded and spontaneous, or that she seems very down-to-earth and creative. Relate what she says to yourself, but don’t brag or go on for too long about your own life. I occasionally spike the conversation up with teases or flirty banter (e.g. that we should go to Vegas and get married and divorced, or that we’d never get along because she likes cats) but keep reminding yourself that you’re not the performing monkey or night-game entertainer. I make sure that I don’t just blindly agree with everything she says, but find a point to challenge her on (e.g. if she suggests London is unfriendly, or that she doesn’t like classical music) and bring her round to my way of thinking. That breaking of rapport shows her that you’re not just an average guy pandering to her every suggestion, but that you’re a real man who thinks for himself and doesn’t always compromise his mindset.

After 20-30 minutes I cut it short and say I’ve got to go, after exchanging numbers of course and planning when we’re going to meet next. After an instant date the connection is so solid and the bubble is so strong, that it would be weird for her NOT to swap numbers and see you again. Even better, if your logistics are right and you’ve had some experience with daygame, you might want to continue the adventure there and then and go for a bounce-back to yours, but that’s a different skill for another time. But never continue the interaction out of neediness, and because you just want to “hang out” for longer with her to do what she’s doing at that moment. Either you cut it short after the coffee and set up something for another time when you can escalate, or go for it there and then and take her back to yours for a full close. Anything else is needy.

The instant date – an adventure bubble that solidifies your daygame and stops those numbers flaking.

Always suggest it in sets after those 5-10 minutes, as even if she says no it will make the number close much more plausible (“well, we’ll delay that coffee for another time, let’s swap numbers and do it when we’re not busy”). Go forth and try it….you’ll be surprised at how it takes your daygame to another level and intensifies that adventurous feeling. Let me know how it goes (over a coffee, if you’ve got 10 minutes!).

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on December 26, 2010

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.
~Abraham Maslow

You leave your house, ready to hit the streets for some daygame. Your head is full of remnants of worries about work, family, shopping, trivialities. Perhaps you’re feeling rather low about the last time you did some daytime approaches and remembering when that girl from Starbucks didn’t call you back. Old limiting beliefs flood back – I’m not good looking enough, I’m not funny enough.

Getting off the train, you’re surrounded by the hustle and bustle of people. It’s both exciting and nerve-racking, as you know you’ve got to begin approaching. A million reasons flood your mind about why talking to beautiful women is a bad idea – she looks busy, I’m disturbing her, she’s too hot, I’m going to get blown out.

Yet from deep down inside, you remember your rule about approaching a hot woman directly before leaving the station and hitting the streets. You acknowledge the fear of the approach, see it for what it is (and as your friend, because it’s stopping every other guy on the street from doing it!), and start moving towards a beautiful girl walking towards the ticket machine. She’s going at quite a pace, so you change from a walk into a jog, ready for the direct in front stop.

The bungee jump begins…..the past and the future are now irrelevant, it’s just you falling freely and intensely into the now. Everything else is a blur. Your heart is beating quickly, a smile spreads across your face as you jog past her and turn to stop her. “Hey, I know this is random, but I had to tell you something…I saw you from over there and had to come and say hi, you look amazing!”

In my early twenties I suffered from both anxiety and depression at university, paralysed with fears about the future and wallowing in things that had happened in the past. It was like being detached from the world, living in a bell-jar of unreality. What I lacked massively was the feeling of living in the present and interacting with other people. Over time, through traveling and beginning work, I managed to reduce, then eliminate, the major worries and lows in my mind. Yet I still didn’t feel like I was living totally in the “now”….there was still a detachment on some level that I didn’t know how to overcome.

Taking up mountaineering and trying extreme sports, like sky-diving, bungee jumping and rafting gave me glimpses of what that “now” felt like…an intense rush of emotions, a freedom and openness. But it was temporal, and always left me wanting more.

Discovering and immersing myself in daygame has changed my mental state completely. Having daily random conversations with strangers has shown me the power of human interactions. We are social creatures, designed to communicate face-to-face with each other, not with screens, phones or video games. Learning how to improvise in and craft conversations with strangers on the street, in coffee shops, galleries, buses and bars forces you to live in the moment. Doing this over and over, day after day, means that you learn to live with intensity and clarity. If you find yourself still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today. It’s time to hit the streets and bungee jump into the now.

My motto at the moment is that “an approach a day keeps the worries away!” If only I had known about this magic medicine when I was at university. It would have saved me hours of doctors’ appointments and strife. This goes beyond collecting numbers or getting girls into your bed. It’s about facing your fears, making conscious decisions and taking charge of your mindset. It’s about waking up a virgin each morning and stepping outside, excited and liberated about where you’re going to land when you jump out of your plane today.
- Tom

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on December 6, 2010

In the first part I gave you 5 cracking excuses that gave credence to the phrase “hesitation leads to masturbation”! Here are another 5 rounding out the Top 10. If any of them resonate with you, don’t fret: put my specific advice into practice and you’re on your way to becoming a lean, mean Daygaming machine!

“I Don’t Know What To Say”

It’s good to have a general roadmap in your mind for the first minute or two of conversation, but apart from that, it’s best that you don’t know exactly what to say anyway (see my article “Do Not Think” for more on this topic). Nothing is more unnerving for a girl than to hear a guy run through a script in his head just after he’s approached her. Because of this, oftentimes guys get frustrated because despite their persistent attempts and best efforts they are still not connecting with the girls they approach.

I teach presence, which is the opposite of running through a script in your head. Without going too deep, presence means communicating with your being rather than with your words. I will give students opening lines and efficient pathways into conversation for the first few moments of interaction, but the emphasis in my teachings will be on their presence. You will never run out of things to say when you are rooted in the moment!

Men are so used to communicating purely with their words that I genuinely understand the frustrations of students who tell me they “don’t know what to say”. There is tonnes of material on the site about what to say/do on the approach, but suffice to say that you should focus less on the words and more on the energy you project.

“She’s probably got a boyfriend”

This excuse is usually the last bastion of defence for those who are too anxious to approach but can’t admit it. It is more a silent presumption than a statement, like a quiet paranoia telling you that she must be taken – she’s a hot girl, after all!

Whilst I’m at it, bringing the boyfriend question up in conversation too soon is a big no-no – it displays very undesirable beta-male caracteristics and it means that the focus is on the competition rather than on her. Needless to say, you’re only going to find out if she tells you, and she’ll only tell you when you go for the number! Unless there’s a dude right there holding her hand, don’t assume anything – because as they say, it makes an ass of u and me!

“I don’t have time/can’t be bothered”

The question is: how much do you like orange? Whenever I go to eat an orange, I always get frustrated because the skin is so darn difficult to peel with your fingers. Luckily for me, I don’t like oranges that much, but I do like girls and they require the same time and patience (disclaimer: girls are unpeelable). It seems like a very convenient excuse but the fact is: In most scenarios where you’d use this excuse, you probably do have the time, and your appointment probably isn’t that important. Next time you see a girl on your travels and you notice that auto-response, stop and tell yourself that you deserve a few minutes of leisure time and make the approach anyway.

If the amount of effort involved is an issue for you then you have to re-address what chatting up girls means to you. Fair enough it can be emotionally draining, but it should never seem like work. Try investing less into your interactions and being more carefree with your conversation rather than careful since this’ll take a lot of the stress out of Daygame. You want to reach the point where Daygame enhances your energy levels – then you’ll be truly unstoppable!

“She’s too hot”

I don’t get this one from students very often at all, or at least they don’t verbalise it. It is hard not to have sheer beauty affect your behaviour at all. Beauty communicates value, and just like one might wilt in the presence of a charismatic power-house like Russell Brand, one too might wilt before the towering beauty of a Russian supermodel. However, it is important not to be phased by it. Girls don’t mind that you acknowledge their beauty but if she senses that it makes you nervous then the game will be pretty much over.

Writing off girls because they’re “too hot” suggests low self-esteem. One can’t help but be realistic with their chances, but your masculine self-worth should dictate that you’re good enough for anybody. Besides, the more you get used to approaching the hottest girls, the more comfortable you’ll be around just-hot girls

“Other people will notice”

This is another silent and persistent paranoia rather than a solid logical excuse. Why should we care about the judgements of strangers? I’d understand in the context of approaching a girl in the company of your grand-parents; but on the street where idle bystanders are much more likely to look on in admiration rather than ridicule? I’ve only ever had people stare and make a few comments to their friends but apart from that no-one takes much notice at all.

There’s no way around social pressure; if you compromise your approach in order to be more low-key, then you’re shooting your chances with her in the foot. Executing a Daygame approach properly shouldn’t make you stand out anyway. If you open smoothly and relax into the interaction then no-one will bat an eyelid.

One final tip: Practice being as loud as possible. If I’m with a friend I’ll usually do stuff like sing loudly and jump up and down to get me in a fun state of mind. Push the comfort zones of your voice and your body language so that approaching a girl will seem like a breeze. Like with most things, the more you tackle you fear head-on, the more it becomes a non-issue.

So that’s it! If you want to master Daygame you’ll have to become the man who makes no excuses and goes for what he wants without hesitation. Have fun and have a Happy Daygaming Christmas!

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on November 30, 2010

In this feature I aim to de-construct the top 10 excuses not to approach that I’ve heard in my time teaching Daygame (many of these I’m guilty of using myself when I was a Daygame whipper-snapper!). Separated into two parts, ths article will hopefully help you to realise when and where you’re making silly excuses and how to overcome them in the future.

Without further ado:

1) “She’s not my type”

A man who knows what he wants – good stuff. Except, I hear this a little too often and sometimes for all the wrong reasons. You shouldn’t approach a girl you’re not physically attracted to. However, when you become “picky” to the point of approaching literally zero girls because none of them fit your grandiose vision of the perfect feminine spectre, then something is amiss.

A few guys who feel the anxiety but do not want to admit it will use an excuse like this to mask their fear and shun responsibility, hiding behind a false sense of standards. I’ve seen guys dismiss a girl after just glimpsing at her from behind! Of course I advocate starting standards (in poker they call it “hand selection”), but you’d be surprised at how your opinion of a girl changes after she opens her mouth – et voila, she’s suddenly become your type! Especially since it’s Winter now, every girl will be shrouded in coat/scarf/hat/whatnot, so the only way you’ll get a clearer picture of her is to get up close and personal.

2) “She’s too far away already!”

“@*!%, look at her go! Boy she’s fast. Shame she’s so far away, else I would’ve approached her. Oh well maybe next time”. Ah, the old distance barrier. All that oxygen and nitrogen getting in the way of you approaching that cutie someway down the road. Seriously though, I crack up every time I hear this. If you have the desire and conviction to stop a girl in her tracks in order to meet her in the first place, then how is that desire and conviction going to be dissipated by the prospect of a little jog? It’s like you can’t even be arsed to slide down the rainbow to get to the pot of gold at the end. It doesn’t make sense. Run after her but make sure to slow to at least a light jog when you get to her so that you can relax into the opener a little.

3) “I’m not in the mood”

Or: “I am not in state”, “I’m not feeling the vibe”, “I’m tired”, “I need a coffee first”. Emotions sometimes get the best of us, especially when that emotion is nervousness. I like this excuse most of all because at least it’s honest and not ego-fuelled delusion, but alas it is still an excuse so we must smite it.

Is it enough to point out that, despite your mood, this is your one and only opportunity to meet that wide-eyed cutie who just swooshed into your periphery? Ok Ok, I understand – no amount of logic can change your mind. But what if I told you to just take your blue feelings into the approach anyway? Chances are within a few minutes, or even seconds, your mood will have dramatically shifted for the better as the adrenaline kicks in. After you blast your emotions doing the first approach everything becomes easier from that point on and you’ll be walking on clouds for the rest of the day.

4) “She doesn’t look friendly”

I know as men we tend to judge women first by their appearance, but this is taking it too far! Some of the nicest people I’ve met are naturally pre-disposed to have a neutral expression on their face, or even a little scowl, when they’re preoccupied with something or even just walking down the street. Especially during these cold Winter days, don’t wait for a beaming smile to get your green light. If she doesn’t seem in a particularly good mood then that’s even more reason to brighten up her day with the compliments of your presence. As the ol’ saying goes – don’t judge a girl by her cover!

5) “She’s obviously busy”

This is another one I hear all of the time. Sometimes it’s for a fair reason, such as when the girl is on her phone or storming down the road (The Stormtrooper! See Andy’s “7 Villains of Daygame” post). Sometimes the term “busy” is applied far too loosely, such as if she’s got shopping bags, she’s reading the newspaper, she’s got earphones in etc. Fact is, whatever the reason may be, your desire to meet her still outweighs 90% of things she might be preoccupied with.

Most girls who are shopping, to use a scenario, are usually ambling about at a leisurely pace and have set aside a good few hours to do so. Or, in late afternoon the vast majority of women will be returning home from work – she’s left the stress behind in the workplace, and now it’s playtime! At the end of the day, who cares if she’s busy? Don’t be a wussy – if you truly connect with your purpose then you’ll quickly realise that your agenda is more important than hers.

Part two coming soon!

- Mark Mowgli

Posted in Articles, Body Language, Outer Game on November 27, 2010

Whenever you walk down the street, whether to get your weekly shopping, go for a coffee or even going to and from work, there are a ton of ridiculously attractive women just waiting to be spoken to… by you.

Now we all know that attracting women takes a certain amount of skill, I’m not talking about getting their phone number and walking off. I’m talking about opening them, building a deep level of rapport, sparking attraction and meeting up with them at a later date – providing you haven’t already taken her on an instant date that is.

The Things That Attract Women Instantly

Which is why today I want to focus on things that attract women immediately, basic attributes that you can learn and use which give off a sense of self assurance, confidence and charisma… the good stuff that makes women want to know more about you.

Standing Tall

Sounds a little silly and obvious right? Especially if you’re 5ft tall. But what I mean by this is standing with your shoulders back, head held high and back straight. In theory these three little things don’t sound like much at all, but I’m telling you by standing tall you will resonate confidence and start feeling a lot more sure of yourself.

Once I started doing this, I noticed myself not shying away from eye contact a lot more, strange right? But for some reason it works, it’s like you feel as though you can take on anyone. Don’t let this one slip, give it a go and remind yourself when you start to slouch.

Smiling

Goodness me, I cannot tell you how incredibly attractive smiling is to a woman, let me ask you something. Have you ever been in a conversation with a woman and you noticed how beautiful her smile was? Like she was giving off this vibe? That’s how powerful smiling is and if you haven’t then you need to make yourself more aware of this.

The next time you’re walking towards a gorgeous woman, just do one thing… smile. Try and smile in a non creepy way, it needs to be in a cheeky kind of way that shows you are again confident but also willing to open conversation.

At first this will be hard, particularly in London, it took me a good few attempts before I could carry it off, but once you do it a few times you’ll start to get great responses from women, some will even open you – so make sure this is something you test at least ten times.

Eye Contact

If you take just one thing away from this article and use, please make it eye contact. I cannot stress enough how important strong, dominant and sexy eye contact is. You might be thinking, how the hell can I convey all those qualities just through my eyes?

Simple, when you’re looking into a woman’s eyes just say to yourself “how would a confident, strong minded and sexual guy be looking at this really attractive girl right now, to show that he’s not scared in the slightest?”. You should naturally start to get it and what I mean by that is… “the look”. Women will react differently in conversion and each word will feel more intense, sexual tension is built from this.

At a first glance though, you need to hold eye contact, make sure that when you lock each others gaze… you NEVER look away first. Spice things up to, when you’re looking over, throw in a little smile or a raised eyebrow, these will get a response from her without a doubt.

So there you have it the three most important things to attract women that I use on a daily basis once I set foot outside the front door. Although these are the basics, they REALLY do work – so try them, master them and play around with them. You should learn how to attract women using body language too, as this will put you in good stead when you’re in the conversation.

Listen, How Serious Are You About Attracting Girls Without Saying a Word?

If you’re anything like me then you should be devouring everything piece of knowledge that you can get your eager little mits on. If you are, then I would strongly advise you sign up to the newsletter below to get you started understanding what your sticking points are and what’s holding you back right now.

Also, let me know what other basic things you can do to attract beautiful women without uttering a word below in the comments.

Posted in Articles, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice on November 17, 2010

“Speak softly and carry a big stick”
-Theodore Roosevelt

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

“Nice guys finish last” – That was a belief I held from “evidence” I had experienced growing up in high school and university, where girls would tell me how “nice” I was while they were sleeping with the “bad boy” next door.

My biggest revelation since discovering and practising game is that I don’t have to lose my “nice guy” roots and become a rock star caricature to get laid with consistency. All I had to do was add on two essential elements to my dating life and the results went through the roof. What were they?

1. Opening – Without actually leaving your house and talking to women, you’re making it near impossible to see results (unless a model knocks on your door to borrow some sugar). Once you make a commitment to frequently begin conversations with women in the daytime, things will start to happen no matter what your level.
2. Leading /escalating – The essential thing that any “nice guy” needs to add on, which is what this article’s all about.

What Elements of Game Do “Nice Guys” Naturally Have Already That Will Benefit Them?

Women trust them, they can build comfort and connections, they make women feel relaxed around them. All of these things are gold in day game, and actually form the bread-and-butter of much of it – vibing on the street and chatting on an instant date / day2. Women love stimulating conversations, a man who can tell stories and show off his brain.

But is opening and “being nice” enough? Getting straight to the point, the answer is no!

It is an evolutionary hard-wired fact that as Homo sapiens, the male is the natural mating leader. I’m not talking about equal opportunities, job prospects, family responsibilities or such like. I’m talking about deep-rooted psychological decision making between a male and a female in terms of sex. The man is the mover, the female follows. For millions of years, this has been the case. The mover is the leader – not in terms of superiority or a caveman club over the head – but the one who is required to instigate change. It is programmed into our mating genes, and it will be staying there for millions of years to come. What does this actually mean in terms of day game? Look at all the moments when you, as a man, are required to take the lead in sleeping with a girl:

• Opening her (being opened direct yourself can happen, but rarely in day game)
• Leading the conversation (away from “hairdresser” chat)
• Suggesting an instant date
• Going for a street kiss-close
• Getting her phone number
• Instigating texting / phoning
• Setting up / arranging a day2
• Going for a day2 kiss-close
• Suggesting she comes back to yours / you go to hers
• Instigating foreplay
• Instigating sex

That’s a lot of leading! Now it can happen that a woman asks for some of these things in set, like giving you her number or asking if you want to go back to hers, but the point I’m making is that it’s rare. As a man, you are required to lead. To lead is to have vision, and to pursue that vision with conviction and clarity.

It is leading (and escalating things verbally/physically) that “nice guys” naturally don’t do. They want to play it safe, they don’t want to tread on any toes or cause offence. The major revelation for me was that people (women and men) like to be lead. It is much easier to follow than to lead, so you’ll find that as soon as you show leadership in terms of decision making, people will happily agree.

Why Bad-Boys Get Girls

What the “bad boys” at school were doing was simply leading the girls and escalating hard, not worrying about they would think. They didn’t know what “game” was, they didn’t follow any structures, they were just upfront and honest with their desires and persisted until they got what they wanted.

So many women have said to me that what they want is a nice guy who they can introduce to their parents, but that will throw them up against a wall and give them a wild night of passion. What they mean is that they want comfort, but they want to be lead.

What can you do to get better at leading and escalating? Here are some ideas:

• Start with your friends. Instead of letting others always decide plans of action for a day/night out, be bold and speak up about what you’d like to do. If you sell it well and with conviction, they will happily follow
• Don’t worry about what she’s thinking, or checking every 2 minutes that she’s ok
• Use leading language when in set. Don’t apologise for stopping her. Don’t ask if she wants to go for a coffee. Don’t ask her for her number. Lead, lead, lead! e.g. “I’m just going to grab a quick coffee before meeting my friends, come join me,” or “Give me your number and I’ll give you a missed call.”
• Use leading language when texting / phoning. Don’t ask her what she wants to do on a date, tell her. e.g. “Let’s meet at 8, Oxford Circus for some cocktails”
• Physically lead by taking her arm, walking in front, holding her hand, showing her where to sit, hailing a cab, lying on your bed.

Leading

Leading must of course be calibrated, which will come with in-field practise. I’m not advocating becoming a sexist thug or disrespecting women in any shape or form. Game is a dance, not a boxing match, and it will take time for you to pick up the signals about when leading and escalation are needed. Being “Mode 1” or direct does not have to be brash or even verbalised….as long as she knows that you find her attractive and that you’re in control of the situation, that’s all that matters. This can be done through the subtlest of things, from sustained eye contact to voice tone or speed.

When you do something with conviction, passion, purpose and energy, other people can’t help but be drawn in. Classic pick-up defined it as “frame control,” but that has connotations of game being a battle. I simply see it as knowing what you want and having the balls to go for it.

For guys like myself who have been labelled all their lives as “nice,” you’re going to see massive changes if you add on a leading mentality. Once you’ve opened a girl, feel free to have that comforting conversation and happy chat over coffee, but remember your responsibility in the interaction at all times to take control. Let her know (verbally or non-verbally) why you’re having this interaction and in what direction it’s going. Make it clear that you’ve got a plan, and be unapologetic about it. The opposite of non-needy is not compromising your vision, so if she doesn’t want to take things further then politely say your goodbyes and move onto the next girl.

If you’re opening, being social and leading, you’ll soon find yourself with a full phone book, too many dates and a massive choice, which will give you an abundance mentality where “rejection” will simply not be in your vocabulary. Leading is about knowing where you are going – become the “closer,” not the “opener.” Go forth and lead gentlemen…..I command you (in a nice way)!

- Tom Torero

Posted in Articles, Confidence, Inner Game on November 9, 2010

“He surely can’t be talking about me,” you think as the mighty fist of God comes crashing down from the sky to smite your enemy.

Okay, so few of the sane among us actually believe that we are the centre of the universe. But subconsciously, many of our fears and anxieties about ‘messing up’ social situations are based on a misguided belief that our words and actions are constantly under the scrutiny of others. We convince ourselves that we need to learn how to talk to girls differently when out on the street, from say in the dark corners of a club where no-one can see or hear what you’re doing.

In Simply Irresistible, psychologist Dr Raj Persaud refers to this as the ‘spotlight effect’, and every single one of us suffers from it at one time or another. As a practitioner of Daygame, it is likely that you experience it more often than some people. By its very nature, Daygame encourages us to break social conventions, and it’s this fear of going against the grain that triggers a rush of irrational thoughts about how others perceive us.

You might not think it’s irrational to assume that running up to a random girl in the street will attract a lot of attention. However, even in a seemingly-unusual situation like this, researchers from Cornell University, Northwestern and Williams College in the US have discovered that people habitually overestimate the social impact of their actions.

In one experiment, university students reluctantly donned Barry Manilow t-shirts before entering a room filled with their peers. Afterwards they were asked to estimate how many people noticed Manilow’s mug on their chest. On average, the students overestimated the number by a factor of two.

The students repeated the exercise later, but on this occasion they were allowed time to get used to wearing the garish garment. This time around, they were a lot more accurate in their estimations, and researchers concluded that they only overestimated the impact of their actions when they were feeling self-conscious. When they were relaxed and ‘in the moment’, rather than in their own heads, they assessed other people’s reactions much more accurately.

So what does this mean for Daygame? Well, firstly it highlights how insignificant our day-time approaches are within a wider social setting. It may feel like all eyes are on us when we nervously approach that hottie in the street, but chances are, everyone around us is far more interested in their own lives than those of two people they have never met. This is especially relevant in big cities like London where the public are bombarded by far crazier people on a daily basis, but they still ignore them. From tap-dancers on the Tube to naked unicyclists on the street, a seemingly-spontaneous conversation between a man and a woman is pretty low on the eye-magnet scale. But perhaps more importantly, the study shows us that in order to get out of our heads and into the moment, we must familiarise ourselves with any given situation. In the context of Daygame, approaching is the Barry Manilow t-shirt. The first few times it’ll feel like everyone’s staring at the 70s crooner on your chest, but as time goes by you’ll realise they’re far too busy living it up in the great university of life to even notice him. Something like that anyway.

There are more benefits to accepting that you are not the centre of the universe than purely growing the balls to approach, approach, approach, one of which is spontaneity of conversation. By re-framing your conversation as just a friendly interaction between two people, rather than you inviting a potential lover into the hallowed kingdom of your own universe (ooh eer!), you not only minimise the impact of a possible rejection but also make the interaction a lot more enjoyable for both of you.

Nevertheless, the thought of keeping a conversation going with a stranger (especially a sexy stranger), can be quite intimidating.

Here’s why: you are afraid of what she thinks of you. I know, I know- it’s not as easy as just ‘relaxing and being yourself’ and then a wonderful conversation will ensue… But that’s just it- conversations in the real world are filled with pauses, uncomfortable silences and irrelevant ramblings about penguins. By learning how to talk to girls, you shouldn’t be aiming to have perfect interactions with every girls you approach, but rather to overshadow the penguin ramblings with insightful observations, light-hearted banter, and deep connections.

A Daygame approach is a bit like a film trailer, and it’s your job to make it as enticing as possible while accepting that some elements wont appeal to all audiences. It’s the overall theme that counts, not the constituent parts. And if you can reframe the encounter as a low-budget teaser rather than a two-hour Spielberg epic, the pressure of being at the centre of the universe will soon disappear.

So unless you’re a trainer (where any demo will be under potential scrutiny of an audience!) just focus on getting to grips with learning how to talk to girls as if there were no-one else around you.

Hope this helps,

Andy

Posted in Articles, Inner Game on November 9, 2010

As we all know, confidence plays a huge part in daygame. From the initial approach right through to the first date and beyond, without confidence, all the game theory in the world is pretty much useless (take note, keyboard jockeys!).

But how do we get this confidence with women in the first place?

Well, as anyone who’s trained with Matt Hussey will tell you, “confidence = competence”. In order to be confident in a certain area of your life, you need the competence to back it up. And to get ‘competent’ at something, research suggests that we need to do it some 10,000 times. That’s a lot of approaching!

However, you will probably be relieved to know that you don’t actually have to approach 10,000 women before you can be confident in doing so (although it certainly wouldn’t hurt). As a man who (hopefully) leads a life outside of the incestuous world of ‘game’, you can improve your daygame by channelling confidence from other areas of your life.

Say you’ve been in a job for three years. Chances are, you’ll know the role inside-out. You’ll have no problem juggling the meetings, the appointments and the admin. Okay, so you may get stressed sometimes, but ultimately you are more than capable of fulfilling all the requirements of the job, otherwise you’d have been shown the door a long time ago.

You are confident in your ability to do your job.

You probably don’t think of it like that though. Why? Because we only tend to think of confidence as something that we don’t have, rather that something that we do have. Think back to when you started your job. You probably found that managing all those tasks was quite overwhelming. You lacked confidence in your ability to get everything done. But now that you’re competent at it, you don’t even think of it in terms of confidence. You just do it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could convey that same confidence with women? Well, you can!

Anyone familiar with NLP will have heard a lot about visualisation, a simple technique that can help improve confidence in all areas of your life. Here I offer you two tried-and-tested visualisation techniques that should help boost your confidence in-field. It would be useful to learn them before hand, or, better still, get someone to read them out to you.

Quick Visualisation

1. Sit on a chair and close your eyes. Think of a time in the past where you’ve faltered in your daygame.

2. Run through the interaction in your mind as if you were literally re-living it. Notice your negative physiology – you’ll probably be slouched forward, you might be anxiously touching your face or fiddling with your hands. You may feel hot and embarrassed.

3. Open your eyes and relax for a moment.

4. Close your eyes again and think of a different situation in which you have felt very confident. Perhaps at work or in a different social environment.

5. Again, re-live that moment in intricate detail. You’ll start to notice more positive physiology. You’ll be sitting straighter, smiling; you might even be nodding your head in acknowledgement of your own greatness.

6. Now say to yourself as loud as you can how it is that you’re feeling. Big yourself up. “I feel fucking great!” “I am the man!” “I can take anyone on!” Really savour this as if it was a defining moment in human development.

7. Keep pumping yourself up. Make a ‘woo!’ noise or do a fist-pump if it helps.

8. Now, go back to the interaction in step 2 but this time imagine yourself being the awesomely confident you who just made a ‘woo!’ noise.

9. Keep that positive posture, that smile, that fist-pump and go through the approach as it should have gone. As you re-live the interaction, verbalise how great you feel and how well the interaction is going. Notice how she’s into you straight away. Why shouldn’t she be? You’ve got balls, man!

10. Open your eyes, hold that smile, hit the streets and approach, approach, approach!

Swish Pattern Visualisation

This is a slightly tweaked version of a visualisation technique recommended by master of the mind, Derren Brown. It takes a bit more time and practice, but if you persevere it can be very rewarding!

1. Close your eyes and picture the ideal you. Not just standing in a room alone, but at a party or a business meeting. See yourself freely interacting with people, notice your confidence with women, your authoritative body language, beaming smile and the unequivocally positive reactions of everyone you meet. Make this image as detailed and enticing as possible.

2. Now make the image larger, as if it were stretched across a giant cinema screen.

3. Add sharpness and intensity to the image, brighten the colours beyond high-definition.

4. Bring the image closer to you, so close that you could almost step into it. See it pulsate from the screen like a living organism.

5. Now add music to the image. Pick a track that makes you feel upbeat and confident. As the music plays along to the image, see your peers watch in amazement as the new, confident you takes centre stage.

6. Now imagine that the image is attached to two poles by thick rubber bands on each corner. See the image being slowly pulled into the distance in front of you, creating massive tension in the rubber bands. The image is locked into place but the tension is causing reverberation on the ground beneath you.

7. Now picture an image of yourself approaching a girl in the street. At the moment where negative feelings normally stir, shrink this image down to nothing and release the positive image attached to the rubber bands in front of you. Sit there with the huge, high-definition image mere inches in front of your face and soak it up in all its glory. Then, do it again, except this time with the positive self-image already locked into position in the distance.

After doing this a few times, your mind will begin to associate daygame with this new positive self-image. It’s that simple!

Posted in Articles, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice on September 20, 2010

This is something I get asked about every once in a while… fairly hesitantly… when I’m on my own… and no-one else is around… “Hey.. A-a-andy… do you by any chance have any tips about daygame, specifically for shy guys?” We’ve not covered this specifically in any of our podcasts or videos, so I thought it was about time I’d give you my top 3 dating tips for shy guys!

1. Get Out of the Spotlight of your Extroverted Friends!

If you are anything like me, growing up was tough. Constantly being surrounded by guys that are much louder, more sociable and perhaps in your mind, much better with girls is tough. We always tend to compare ourselves with others close to us, and society has us believing that there’s no measure of a man more significant than how much we’re loved, and how good we are with women.

I recently saw a video on TED.com by Alain De Bottom (see here) which briefly mentioned envy. In his speech, Alain quite rightly said, we would never envy the Queen…

Why? She’s much richer than you are, she has a much larger house…

- The reason why we don’t envy her is because she’s too weird! She’s simply too strange. We can’t relate to her and therefore we can’t envy her. However, the closer two people are in age, background and general identification, the more there is the danger of envy.

So when you go out with friends who you can relate to, you run the risk of feeling envious of them.

If you’re spending all your time and energy thinking: “I just can’t attract girls like my friend does”, you will behave in ways that make girls see you as second-best from the moment they talk to you.

Because of this mentality, when you go out with the friend in question, you are likely to be holding all kinds of destructive beliefs in your head about any level of success you could potentially have in his presence.

Beliefs like:

Or:

As you take these kind of negative beliefs on board, you will actually start to convey to the girls you are speaking to, that you have low self-esteem; admitting defeat before they’ve even spoken to either of you. This leads to a perpetual downwards spiral of your friend getting more and more attention, while you feel more and more resentment towards both the women, and even your friend!

In short, you’re sabotaging your own success, and potentially your friendship!

-So what am I saying, dismiss all the guys who you grew up with, in order to get good with girls!?

Yes.. get a big sack, devise some sort of scheme to get them all in the sack, and have it deported to Mexico. If you are truly dedicated to getting good at daygame, you will stop reading this article right now and do it…

(Disclaimer: Daygame.com does not condone illegally deporting people to Mexico!)

Well seeing as you’re not as dedicated as I had hoped for we’ll have to think of a way around it:

Remember, girls are attracted to guys who believe they could have them if they wanted.

If you want to attract girls like your friend, you need to consider what it is he does that is so attractive to women.

If the answer is yes, you need to stop addressing the group of women as a whole, and letting him take the lead. Instead, break off from the big group and start talking to girls within it individually.

Start seeing what he does, and if you can use it to your advantage and learn from him, then do so. Secondly, start changing any sort of group-dynamics you have when you’re together. By doing this you will start to have success together, rather than just him, whilst you entertain the friend.

2. Get an Awesome Wingman!

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how to really make sure my clients are continuing to practice their day game after taking a bootcamp.

Thinking back I sometimes wonder why I continued to get better where so many other guys had simply given up. I’m sure many factors come into play, and it couldn’t be attributed to just one thing, but something I’ve come to notice is that there is one factor that distinguishes those who continue to do really really well, and those who stop.

And that one factor is having accountability.

Finding a wing is the best way to be held accountable, whilst having fun at the same time. If you’ve arranged to meet your wing every Saturday to practice daygame, and you bail on him, you’ve let yourself down as well as him. If you both go out, you’ll give each other the push you need to start approaching women.

No matter how introverted you may be, you can’t exist alone.

You cannot keep barrelling though everything that is thrown at you alone. When you get blown out and you’re not used to it, you need someone there to lift your spirits, laugh it off and to know that they are going through the same thing with you. Trade horror stories with each other, as it takes the pressure off. As Marcus said in his podcast, it either goes really well, or it’s a funny story to tell someone.

Doing this with a friend will increase your learning curve dramatically

Share ideas of what works and what doesn’t, as well as having the opportunity to learn through observing him in action.

We’re going to be launching the Forum very shortly, which will be the perfect place to meet like-minded guys who you can go out with. So keep a look out for that very shortly!

3. Learn to Love yourself

This is so true, yet so often forgotten in the community. Shy guys are captivated by the possibility of one day being the life and soul of the party, and being the super-extroverted kind of guy that talks to everybody. But I urge you to stay congruent with your identity. You do not have to be a dancing monkey to get girls. Look at guys like Gambler and myself. We’re not particularly extroverted, but our style works, because it’s congruent with who we are.

“You cannot use what you do not have. If you’re shy, be shy. If you’re outgoing, be outgoing.” – Hitch

There is such a misconception amongst guys that the loudest person is the most confident. This is often not true, and loud extroverted people are trying to impress others through their own insecurities.

Once you realise that you can still be yourself, and be good with women you’re results will improve dramatically!

There is perhaps nothing more attractive to a woman than a guy who is totally confident and assured with who he is. Don’t focus on trying to say more, or trying to be an extrovert, because you’re not. There are so many advantages to being an introvert that are overlooked. You connect with people so much better. You can escalate more smoothly than extroverts. You relationships with others mean more to you than to extroverts. Often you learn more from others, as you are the one listening:

“Don’t miss a good chance to shut up. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.”

Check out Marcus’ video on learning to love yourself to find out the best way to immediately boost your self-esteem.

Remember, luck favours the laconic

Andy Yosha

Posted in Articles, Dating & Relationships, Getting a Date on August 24, 2010

Hey guys,

Okay, okay, you got me… Malcolm Gladwell isn’t actually giving dating advice on how to get a girls phone number – But!… I’ve recently read his book The Tipping Point in which we can learn a lot from in regards to having impact and being memorable; breaking through what the advertising business calls the “clutter” problem, or in our case separating ourselves from the thousands of guys that have previously hit on a girl.

I recently wrote a full article about how to get a girls phone number in the daytime in which I focus on how to eliminate flakes, by really building a connection with a girl. However, below I have included an extract from Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point which perfectly illustrates how the most subtle of changes with presentation can massively alter an outcome.

I highly recommend the book, it’s a great read, packed with interesting statistics and something you’ll be passing onto all your mates.

How To Make Numbers “Sticky” And Eliminate Flakes…

“Levanthal wanted to see if he could persuade a group of college seniors at Yale University to get a tetanus shot.

He divided them up into several groups, and gave all of them a seven-page booklet explaining the dangers of tetanus, the importance of inoculation, and the fact that the university was offering free tetanus shots at the campus health centre to all interested students. The booklets came in several versions. Some of the students were given a “high fear” version, which described tetanus in dramatic terms and included color photographs of a child having a tetanus seizure and other tetanus victims with urinary catheters, tracheotomy wounds, and nasal tubes. In the “low fear” version, the language describing the risks of tetanus was toned down, and the photographs were omitted.

Levanthal wanted to see what impact the different booklets had on the students’ attitudes toward tetanus and their likelihood of getting a shot.

The results were, in part, quite predictable. When they were given a questionnaire later, all the students appeared to be well educated about the dangers of tetanus. But those who were given the high-fear booklet were more convinced of the dangers of tetanus, more convinced of the importance of shots, and were more likely to say that they intended to get inoculated. All of those differences evaporated, however, when Levanthal looked at how many of the students actually went and got a shot.

One month after the experiments, almost none of the subjects – a mere 3 percent – had actually gone to the health centre get inoculated.

For some reason, the students had forgotten everything they had learned about tetanus, and the lessons they had been told weren’t translating into action. The experiment didn’t stick. Why not?

If we didn’t know about the Stickiness Factor, we probably would conclude that something was wrong with the way the booklet explained tetanus to students. We might wonder whether trying to scare them was the appropriate direction to take, whether there was a social stigma surrounding tetanus that inhibited students from admitting they were at risk, or perhaps that medical care itself was intimidating to students. In any case, the fact that only 3 percent of students responded suggested that there was a long way to go to reach the goal. But the Stickiness Factor suggests something quite different. It suggests that the problem probably wasn’t with the overall conception of the message at all, and that maybe all the campaign needed was a little gold box.

Sure enough, when Levanthal redid the experiment, one small change was sufficient to tip the vaccination rate up to 28 percent.

It was simply including a map of the campus, with the university health building circled and the times that shots were available clearly listed.

There are two types of interesting results of this study. The first is that of the 28 percent who got inoculated, an equal number were from the high-fear booklet and the low-fear booklet.

Whatever extra persuasive muscle was found in the high-fear booklet was clearly irrelevant.

The students knew, without seeing gory pictures, what the dangers of tetanus were, and what they ought to be doing. The second interesting thing is that, of course, as seniors they must have already known where the health centre was, and doubtless had visited it several times already. It is doubtful that any of them would ever actually have used the map. In other words, what the tetanus intervention needed in order to tip was not an avalanche of new or additional information. What it needed was a subtle but significant change in presentation. The students needed to know how to fit the tetanus stuff into their lives; the addition of the map and the times when the shots were available shifted the booklet from an abstract lesson in medical risk – a lesson no different from the countless other academic lessons they had received over their academic career – to a practical and personal piece of medical advice.

And once the advice became practical and personal, it became memorable.”

There you go. The tiniest little detail can really make all the difference. Now I’m not suggesting you print out a map that directs a girl to your apartment.. But from this experiment I think it’s fair to conclude that the more thorough you are when closing in regards to making plans, and the more personal your interaction is, the more memorable you will be, and the more a girl will feel committed to meeting you.

Hope this helps,

Andy

Posted in Articles, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice on August 21, 2010

It’s mid-August, and I’ve been inundated with emails from guys who are asking for specific advice about meeting girls in college.

Now I was certainly no stud back in my university days, but through learning to get good with women I have certainly picked up many nuggets of wisdom that I just wish I had known back then! Term starts again in a couple of weeks time so I thought I’d read around the subject a bit so that I could bring you my top tips for meeting girls at college!

1. Don’t Do Cold Approaches!

Doing daygame is great. Doing daygame is amazing. I’ve met more beautiful girls doing daygame than I ever thought possible… but that doesn’t mean that it’s the most effective way for meeting girls in college.

What!? Andy Yosha is telling us not to do daygame!?

When you see that gorgeous girl pass you as you trudge down the pavement, if you ever want to meet her, you pretty much have one shot and one opportunity in that moment to do so: that is the beauty of daygame.

College game however, could not be more different. Firstly you are spending 3-4 years with the same group of people, so there is no immediate rush to number close all the hot girls on campus within the first week, and secondly you don’t want to get a reputation for being the guy that hits on all the hot girls in exactly the same way.

2. Do Not Peacock!

Good dressers are those who are dressed just a little better than the environment they’re in. They don’t look stupidly out of place, but they do stand out in very subtle and unique ways. Wearing Armani suits around college is going to get you nowhere.

Check out Ollie’s podcast for some more fashion advice. But I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you don’t have a huge budget for clothing. The main criteria of any piece of clothing is that it should accentuate the good elements of your physique. If a garment fits well then it will make no difference whether it’s from Primark or Dolce & Gabbana.

3. Talk To Everyone!

Meeting girls in college is all about social-circle game. Believe it or not, the quickest way to expand your social circle is by talking to new people. I know, sounds crazy, but trust me on this one! Marcus has written a great article about how to talk to people you don’t know which I recommend everyone in college reads to get an idea of how to be more sociable with everyone. Make friends with the really sociable people that just know everyone, and they will introduce you to their entire social-circle.

A great way to do this is throw yourself at every opportunity that comes your way to meet as many people as you can. Join teams, societies and start saying YES to everything!

4. Don’t Game Girls Until You’re The Man Around Campus

What I mean by this is that you should hold off on pulling the trigger with the really hot girls until you’ve got a good opportunity to do so.

The 3-second rule does not apply in college.

If a girl is walking like a stormtrooper and most likely late for class on her first day, it makes no sense to approach her when the risk is so high, when you will inevitably run into her again in better circumstances.

Build up a social circle, and surround yourself with cool people and people will start to talk about you. Always be sociable and flirt with everyone, but keep it in the back of your mind that you have plenty of time to make a move so don’t be too eager.

Having said this don’t use this as an excuse to never speak to any girls!

A sign that you’re becoming familiar enough with girls to start hitting on them, is when their “hello’s” start to get warmer. I would suggest even waiting until they suggest that you hang out with them, or they invite you out to a party. Until then, just be a cool, sociable, fun guy who has no agenda.

5. Prioritise!

The aspect of college that we tend to all forget about is the work. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big aspect of college life, and something that you have to take into consideration. You can rack up thousands in student loans, party all day and night, go to no classes and get absolutely nothing from college if that is what you want. Many people do it, but they live to regret it. Remember why you’re primarily there: for an education. Never neglect important work for girls.

Manage your time so that you get all your shit done, so you have as much time as possible for having fun!

I played a lot of videogames when I arrived at college, and I think this is the case with a lot of guys. Halo was the big one when I was there… and the instant messaging… and a million other little distractions that serve no real purpose in your life except to kill time.

The decision of how you spend your time is ultimately yours: Do you want to go out at and party at night, or do you want stay in and play Halo during the day?

Homework and assignments still have to get completed, so something has to be sacrificed.

Conquer You Campus, written by Mark Redman (a book I highly recommend to anyone in College) lays out the authors priorities in college:

• Getting good grades
• Having fun socially
• Staying in shape
• Personal growth
• Professional work (If applicable)

Make a list of your own, and stick to it. Remind yourself of it, live by it. Anything that leads you away from it, get rid of, it’s not necessary.

Aside from the work, college years are for great parties, wild nights and they truly are some of the best years of your life. Use them wisely.

Andy