Inner Game

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Confidence, Inner Game, Mindset, Self-Esteem on May 11, 2012

“People say that what we’re seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Joseph Cambell, “The Power of Myth”

Let’s be nerdy for a second. Think of the changes to the internet since its rise in the 1990s.

First there was Web 1.0  – static webpages with top-down content, and sales driven through basket clicks. Users could view pages, but not reflect on the content. They were not dynamic, focussing on presenting rather than creating. What we’d now call Old Skool.

Then came Web 2.0 around 2004, where web application features were developed to encourage sharing, user-centred design and mass collaboration. Think social networking, blogs, videos and applications. Think about how this website is built and runs.

In recent years, there’s talk of Web 3.0 emerging – a personalised, individual web with “intelligent” components, where the web will work for you automatically and predictively. The slave will become the master.

Why am I giving you a potted history of the internet? Well, for me there are key similarities between this shift in technology and a shift in “Game” or “Pick Up.”

Let’s define Game 1.0. Think pick-up lines, routines, manuals, night clubs, peacocking. Presenting rather than creating. Top-down in that the girl was seen as the “prize” and intent had to be hidden.

Now let’s think of Game 2.0. A move away from set lines and methods to a collective, creative, honest type of game, like direct street game. Think classic daygame, with a bottom-up approach based on freedom of expression and self improvement.

So what would Game 3.0 look like? In the last six months I’ve started formulating it, getting glimpses of it in my own journey and in the journey of others who’ve cracked the Daygame Blueprint or “Matrix.” It’s something “beyond” pick up that’s very personal, very fundamental.

Here are some characteristics that I see in Game 3.0:

 * 100% solid vibe that has become “natural”

 * A life beyond PUA, which is rich, holistic, complete and congruent

* A fully-rounded man, not just with women. Thus he becomes naturally “attractive” to others without trying

* Using skills learnt in “Game” (taking action, facing fears etc.) in other areas like business, health and long-term relationships. A life lived in full

 Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, but I can really feel a shift in the “community” in the last year or two towards a bigger vision, a larger goal. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with moving through the different stages of 1.0 and 2.0 to get good with women. It’s a rite of passage for every man. I took that journey, and am still nowhere near my destination. What I’m suggesting, however, is that there’s more to it than just getting good with girls. Rising from the ashes of routines are confident, congruent men with deep level changes. It’s time for the firebird to spread its golden wings and fly. Who’s in?

- Tom Torero, May 2012

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Body Language, Confidence, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice, Getting a Date, Inner Game, Mindset, Outer Game, Self-Esteem, What To Say on February 18, 2012

I gave a talk last night to the London Seduction Society entitled “Fail More!”

In it I emphasised how getting good with women is something that can only be learned in an experiential way (i.e. going out and trying it). By experimenting, making mistakes, correcting them and trying again, you will progress.

Mistakes are simply vital reference points that should be embraced. I see all my interactions as things that could go well, or give me a reference experience (…a funny story at the very least).

Getting the rookie mistakes out the way as quickly as possible is vital. From teaching hundreds of guys on the street during bootcamps and individually, I can recognise these mistakes immediately.

Below are the Top 10 rookie mistakes of a daygamer. I’ve given them amusing names just to make it lighthearted. I have made ALL of these mistakes at some point when I was learning the daygame model, so don’t take them personally. Being able to laugh at them is a key part of getting better.

Top 10 Daygame Mistakes

1) Mr Creepy (Approaching incorrectly)

This guy can’t stop a girl. He touches her from behind, walks with her, tries to grab her, or jumps too close in front of her. The girl doesn’t know what he wants and panics.

She’s thinking: Call the Police!

2) Mr Stalker (Too serious, lack of vibe)

This guy can stop a girl, compliment her and begin a conversation but it’s all way too serious. He forgets to smile, body language is stiff, and there’s no teasing or playfulness to the pick-up.

She’s thinking: Get me out of here!

3) Mr Clown (too gamey, too entertaining, too funny)

This guy has read every Pick-Up book out there. He loves his lines, his routines, his jokes and his peacocking. The girl is laughing so he thinks he’s winning.

She’s thinking: Is this guy a children’s entertainer?

4) Mr Speedy Gonzalez (Talks too quickly, gives off nervous energy)

Everything’s100milesanhour! This guy doesn’t believe that people will listen to what he’s got to say, so he says it quickly. His nervous energy is often then matched by the girl, and the interaction spins out of control.

She’s thinking: Why do I feel so agitated?

5) Mr Hairdresser (Asks too many mundane questions)

The most common mistake. This guy makes polite conversation by asking her questions: What are you up to today? Where are you from? Doing anything nice later? He’s asking her to do all the work and not displaying any of his personality.

She’s thinking: I feel like I’m being interviewed.

6) Mr Bitch (agreeing with everything, putting her on a pedestal)

This guy supplicates to her. He inflects his voice upwards, nods his head, smiles too much and says “oh cool!” after she speaks. For him, she can do no wrong. She might like him, but she’s turned off by this kiss-arse behaviour and lack of challenging.

She’s thinking: I can walk all over this one!

7) Mr Gay Best Friend (Too much comfort, no male-female polarity)

Girls love this guy. He makes them feel totally comfortable. This guy doesn’t flirt or tease, he just allows them to talk about what they want to talk about. He’s afraid of showing his intent in case he loses her.

She’s thinking: Great! A guy I can be platonic with!

8. Mr Me-Me-Me (does all the work, invests too much, talks a lot)

This guy is doing far too much talking. He doesn’t recogise when the set has hooked and never gets the girls doing the work. He’s forgotten the power of listening and silence.

She’s thinking: Why is he trying so hard?

9) Mr Premature Ejeculator (leaves an interaction early)

This guy is his own worst enemy. He blows himself out by leaving an interaction that was going fine, just to escape the social pressure. Either he can’t believe how well it’s going or he panics and departs.

She’s thinking: Why didn’t he ask for my number?

10) Mr Dodgy Closer (closes too fast or messes up the close)

This guy has forgotten that you have to open strong and close strong. He apologetically asks for her number, mumbles, or gives up at the first sign of difficulty. This guy might also go for the number too fast, before the hook point.

She’s thinking: It started off well, but now I’m not sure..

_______________________________

Take a good hard look at those Top 10 mistakes and try to honestly say which ones you make. Get a friend to film one of your approaches, or record an audio of your conversation. Even better, get on a daygame.com bootcamp and have myself and Jon pinpoint exactly where you’re making mistakes, and how you can correct them. Small changes can make massive differences.

- Tom Torero

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on December 26, 2010

The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.
~Abraham Maslow

You leave your house, ready to hit the streets for some daygame. Your head is full of remnants of worries about work, family, shopping, trivialities. Perhaps you’re feeling rather low about the last time you did some daytime approaches and remembering when that girl from Starbucks didn’t call you back. Old limiting beliefs flood back – I’m not good looking enough, I’m not funny enough.

Getting off the train, you’re surrounded by the hustle and bustle of people. It’s both exciting and nerve-racking, as you know you’ve got to begin approaching. A million reasons flood your mind about why talking to beautiful women is a bad idea – she looks busy, I’m disturbing her, she’s too hot, I’m going to get blown out.

Yet from deep down inside, you remember your rule about approaching a hot woman directly before leaving the station and hitting the streets. You acknowledge the fear of the approach, see it for what it is (and as your friend, because it’s stopping every other guy on the street from doing it!), and start moving towards a beautiful girl walking towards the ticket machine. She’s going at quite a pace, so you change from a walk into a jog, ready for the direct in front stop.

The bungee jump begins…..the past and the future are now irrelevant, it’s just you falling freely and intensely into the now. Everything else is a blur. Your heart is beating quickly, a smile spreads across your face as you jog past her and turn to stop her. “Hey, I know this is random, but I had to tell you something…I saw you from over there and had to come and say hi, you look amazing!”

In my early twenties I suffered from both anxiety and depression at university, paralysed with fears about the future and wallowing in things that had happened in the past. It was like being detached from the world, living in a bell-jar of unreality. What I lacked massively was the feeling of living in the present and interacting with other people. Over time, through traveling and beginning work, I managed to reduce, then eliminate, the major worries and lows in my mind. Yet I still didn’t feel like I was living totally in the “now”….there was still a detachment on some level that I didn’t know how to overcome.

Taking up mountaineering and trying extreme sports, like sky-diving, bungee jumping and rafting gave me glimpses of what that “now” felt like…an intense rush of emotions, a freedom and openness. But it was temporal, and always left me wanting more.

Discovering and immersing myself in daygame has changed my mental state completely. Having daily random conversations with strangers has shown me the power of human interactions. We are social creatures, designed to communicate face-to-face with each other, not with screens, phones or video games. Learning how to improvise in and craft conversations with strangers on the street, in coffee shops, galleries, buses and bars forces you to live in the moment. Doing this over and over, day after day, means that you learn to live with intensity and clarity. If you find yourself still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven’t done much today. It’s time to hit the streets and bungee jump into the now.

My motto at the moment is that “an approach a day keeps the worries away!” If only I had known about this magic medicine when I was at university. It would have saved me hours of doctors’ appointments and strife. This goes beyond collecting numbers or getting girls into your bed. It’s about facing your fears, making conscious decisions and taking charge of your mindset. It’s about waking up a virgin each morning and stepping outside, excited and liberated about where you’re going to land when you jump out of your plane today.
- Tom

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on December 6, 2010

In the first part I gave you 5 cracking excuses that gave credence to the phrase “hesitation leads to masturbation”! Here are another 5 rounding out the Top 10. If any of them resonate with you, don’t fret: put my specific advice into practice and you’re on your way to becoming a lean, mean Daygaming machine!

“I Don’t Know What To Say”

It’s good to have a general roadmap in your mind for the first minute or two of conversation, but apart from that, it’s best that you don’t know exactly what to say anyway (see my article “Do Not Think” for more on this topic). Nothing is more unnerving for a girl than to hear a guy run through a script in his head just after he’s approached her. Because of this, oftentimes guys get frustrated because despite their persistent attempts and best efforts they are still not connecting with the girls they approach.

I teach presence, which is the opposite of running through a script in your head. Without going too deep, presence means communicating with your being rather than with your words. I will give students opening lines and efficient pathways into conversation for the first few moments of interaction, but the emphasis in my teachings will be on their presence. You will never run out of things to say when you are rooted in the moment!

Men are so used to communicating purely with their words that I genuinely understand the frustrations of students who tell me they “don’t know what to say”. There is tonnes of material on the site about what to say/do on the approach, but suffice to say that you should focus less on the words and more on the energy you project.

“She’s probably got a boyfriend”

This excuse is usually the last bastion of defence for those who are too anxious to approach but can’t admit it. It is more a silent presumption than a statement, like a quiet paranoia telling you that she must be taken – she’s a hot girl, after all!

Whilst I’m at it, bringing the boyfriend question up in conversation too soon is a big no-no – it displays very undesirable beta-male caracteristics and it means that the focus is on the competition rather than on her. Needless to say, you’re only going to find out if she tells you, and she’ll only tell you when you go for the number! Unless there’s a dude right there holding her hand, don’t assume anything – because as they say, it makes an ass of u and me!

“I don’t have time/can’t be bothered”

The question is: how much do you like orange? Whenever I go to eat an orange, I always get frustrated because the skin is so darn difficult to peel with your fingers. Luckily for me, I don’t like oranges that much, but I do like girls and they require the same time and patience (disclaimer: girls are unpeelable). It seems like a very convenient excuse but the fact is: In most scenarios where you’d use this excuse, you probably do have the time, and your appointment probably isn’t that important. Next time you see a girl on your travels and you notice that auto-response, stop and tell yourself that you deserve a few minutes of leisure time and make the approach anyway.

If the amount of effort involved is an issue for you then you have to re-address what chatting up girls means to you. Fair enough it can be emotionally draining, but it should never seem like work. Try investing less into your interactions and being more carefree with your conversation rather than careful since this’ll take a lot of the stress out of Daygame. You want to reach the point where Daygame enhances your energy levels – then you’ll be truly unstoppable!

“She’s too hot”

I don’t get this one from students very often at all, or at least they don’t verbalise it. It is hard not to have sheer beauty affect your behaviour at all. Beauty communicates value, and just like one might wilt in the presence of a charismatic power-house like Russell Brand, one too might wilt before the towering beauty of a Russian supermodel. However, it is important not to be phased by it. Girls don’t mind that you acknowledge their beauty but if she senses that it makes you nervous then the game will be pretty much over.

Writing off girls because they’re “too hot” suggests low self-esteem. One can’t help but be realistic with their chances, but your masculine self-worth should dictate that you’re good enough for anybody. Besides, the more you get used to approaching the hottest girls, the more comfortable you’ll be around just-hot girls

“Other people will notice”

This is another silent and persistent paranoia rather than a solid logical excuse. Why should we care about the judgements of strangers? I’d understand in the context of approaching a girl in the company of your grand-parents; but on the street where idle bystanders are much more likely to look on in admiration rather than ridicule? I’ve only ever had people stare and make a few comments to their friends but apart from that no-one takes much notice at all.

There’s no way around social pressure; if you compromise your approach in order to be more low-key, then you’re shooting your chances with her in the foot. Executing a Daygame approach properly shouldn’t make you stand out anyway. If you open smoothly and relax into the interaction then no-one will bat an eyelid.

One final tip: Practice being as loud as possible. If I’m with a friend I’ll usually do stuff like sing loudly and jump up and down to get me in a fun state of mind. Push the comfort zones of your voice and your body language so that approaching a girl will seem like a breeze. Like with most things, the more you tackle you fear head-on, the more it becomes a non-issue.

So that’s it! If you want to master Daygame you’ll have to become the man who makes no excuses and goes for what he wants without hesitation. Have fun and have a Happy Daygaming Christmas!

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on November 30, 2010

In this feature I aim to de-construct the top 10 excuses not to approach that I’ve heard in my time teaching Daygame (many of these I’m guilty of using myself when I was a Daygame whipper-snapper!). Separated into two parts, ths article will hopefully help you to realise when and where you’re making silly excuses and how to overcome them in the future.

Without further ado:

1) “She’s not my type”

A man who knows what he wants – good stuff. Except, I hear this a little too often and sometimes for all the wrong reasons. You shouldn’t approach a girl you’re not physically attracted to. However, when you become “picky” to the point of approaching literally zero girls because none of them fit your grandiose vision of the perfect feminine spectre, then something is amiss.

A few guys who feel the anxiety but do not want to admit it will use an excuse like this to mask their fear and shun responsibility, hiding behind a false sense of standards. I’ve seen guys dismiss a girl after just glimpsing at her from behind! Of course I advocate starting standards (in poker they call it “hand selection”), but you’d be surprised at how your opinion of a girl changes after she opens her mouth – et voila, she’s suddenly become your type! Especially since it’s Winter now, every girl will be shrouded in coat/scarf/hat/whatnot, so the only way you’ll get a clearer picture of her is to get up close and personal.

2) “She’s too far away already!”

“@*!%, look at her go! Boy she’s fast. Shame she’s so far away, else I would’ve approached her. Oh well maybe next time”. Ah, the old distance barrier. All that oxygen and nitrogen getting in the way of you approaching that cutie someway down the road. Seriously though, I crack up every time I hear this. If you have the desire and conviction to stop a girl in her tracks in order to meet her in the first place, then how is that desire and conviction going to be dissipated by the prospect of a little jog? It’s like you can’t even be arsed to slide down the rainbow to get to the pot of gold at the end. It doesn’t make sense. Run after her but make sure to slow to at least a light jog when you get to her so that you can relax into the opener a little.

3) “I’m not in the mood”

Or: “I am not in state”, “I’m not feeling the vibe”, “I’m tired”, “I need a coffee first”. Emotions sometimes get the best of us, especially when that emotion is nervousness. I like this excuse most of all because at least it’s honest and not ego-fuelled delusion, but alas it is still an excuse so we must smite it.

Is it enough to point out that, despite your mood, this is your one and only opportunity to meet that wide-eyed cutie who just swooshed into your periphery? Ok Ok, I understand – no amount of logic can change your mind. But what if I told you to just take your blue feelings into the approach anyway? Chances are within a few minutes, or even seconds, your mood will have dramatically shifted for the better as the adrenaline kicks in. After you blast your emotions doing the first approach everything becomes easier from that point on and you’ll be walking on clouds for the rest of the day.

4) “She doesn’t look friendly”

I know as men we tend to judge women first by their appearance, but this is taking it too far! Some of the nicest people I’ve met are naturally pre-disposed to have a neutral expression on their face, or even a little scowl, when they’re preoccupied with something or even just walking down the street. Especially during these cold Winter days, don’t wait for a beaming smile to get your green light. If she doesn’t seem in a particularly good mood then that’s even more reason to brighten up her day with the compliments of your presence. As the ol’ saying goes – don’t judge a girl by her cover!

5) “She’s obviously busy”

This is another one I hear all of the time. Sometimes it’s for a fair reason, such as when the girl is on her phone or storming down the road (The Stormtrooper! See Andy’s “7 Villains of Daygame” post). Sometimes the term “busy” is applied far too loosely, such as if she’s got shopping bags, she’s reading the newspaper, she’s got earphones in etc. Fact is, whatever the reason may be, your desire to meet her still outweighs 90% of things she might be preoccupied with.

Most girls who are shopping, to use a scenario, are usually ambling about at a leisurely pace and have set aside a good few hours to do so. Or, in late afternoon the vast majority of women will be returning home from work – she’s left the stress behind in the workplace, and now it’s playtime! At the end of the day, who cares if she’s busy? Don’t be a wussy – if you truly connect with your purpose then you’ll quickly realise that your agenda is more important than hers.

Part two coming soon!

- Mark Mowgli

Posted in Articles, Confidence, Inner Game on November 9, 2010

“He surely can’t be talking about me,” you think as the mighty fist of God comes crashing down from the sky to smite your enemy.

Okay, so few of the sane among us actually believe that we are the centre of the universe. But subconsciously, many of our fears and anxieties about ‘messing up’ social situations are based on a misguided belief that our words and actions are constantly under the scrutiny of others. We convince ourselves that we need to learn how to talk to girls differently when out on the street, from say in the dark corners of a club where no-one can see or hear what you’re doing.

In Simply Irresistible, psychologist Dr Raj Persaud refers to this as the ‘spotlight effect’, and every single one of us suffers from it at one time or another. As a practitioner of Daygame, it is likely that you experience it more often than some people. By its very nature, Daygame encourages us to break social conventions, and it’s this fear of going against the grain that triggers a rush of irrational thoughts about how others perceive us.

You might not think it’s irrational to assume that running up to a random girl in the street will attract a lot of attention. However, even in a seemingly-unusual situation like this, researchers from Cornell University, Northwestern and Williams College in the US have discovered that people habitually overestimate the social impact of their actions.

In one experiment, university students reluctantly donned Barry Manilow t-shirts before entering a room filled with their peers. Afterwards they were asked to estimate how many people noticed Manilow’s mug on their chest. On average, the students overestimated the number by a factor of two.

The students repeated the exercise later, but on this occasion they were allowed time to get used to wearing the garish garment. This time around, they were a lot more accurate in their estimations, and researchers concluded that they only overestimated the impact of their actions when they were feeling self-conscious. When they were relaxed and ‘in the moment’, rather than in their own heads, they assessed other people’s reactions much more accurately.

So what does this mean for Daygame? Well, firstly it highlights how insignificant our day-time approaches are within a wider social setting. It may feel like all eyes are on us when we nervously approach that hottie in the street, but chances are, everyone around us is far more interested in their own lives than those of two people they have never met. This is especially relevant in big cities like London where the public are bombarded by far crazier people on a daily basis, but they still ignore them. From tap-dancers on the Tube to naked unicyclists on the street, a seemingly-spontaneous conversation between a man and a woman is pretty low on the eye-magnet scale. But perhaps more importantly, the study shows us that in order to get out of our heads and into the moment, we must familiarise ourselves with any given situation. In the context of Daygame, approaching is the Barry Manilow t-shirt. The first few times it’ll feel like everyone’s staring at the 70s crooner on your chest, but as time goes by you’ll realise they’re far too busy living it up in the great university of life to even notice him. Something like that anyway.

There are more benefits to accepting that you are not the centre of the universe than purely growing the balls to approach, approach, approach, one of which is spontaneity of conversation. By re-framing your conversation as just a friendly interaction between two people, rather than you inviting a potential lover into the hallowed kingdom of your own universe (ooh eer!), you not only minimise the impact of a possible rejection but also make the interaction a lot more enjoyable for both of you.

Nevertheless, the thought of keeping a conversation going with a stranger (especially a sexy stranger), can be quite intimidating.

Here’s why: you are afraid of what she thinks of you. I know, I know- it’s not as easy as just ‘relaxing and being yourself’ and then a wonderful conversation will ensue… But that’s just it- conversations in the real world are filled with pauses, uncomfortable silences and irrelevant ramblings about penguins. By learning how to talk to girls, you shouldn’t be aiming to have perfect interactions with every girls you approach, but rather to overshadow the penguin ramblings with insightful observations, light-hearted banter, and deep connections.

A Daygame approach is a bit like a film trailer, and it’s your job to make it as enticing as possible while accepting that some elements wont appeal to all audiences. It’s the overall theme that counts, not the constituent parts. And if you can reframe the encounter as a low-budget teaser rather than a two-hour Spielberg epic, the pressure of being at the centre of the universe will soon disappear.

So unless you’re a trainer (where any demo will be under potential scrutiny of an audience!) just focus on getting to grips with learning how to talk to girls as if there were no-one else around you.

Hope this helps,

Andy

Posted in Articles, Inner Game on November 9, 2010

As we all know, confidence plays a huge part in daygame. From the initial approach right through to the first date and beyond, without confidence, all the game theory in the world is pretty much useless (take note, keyboard jockeys!).

But how do we get this confidence with women in the first place?

Well, as anyone who’s trained with Matt Hussey will tell you, “confidence = competence”. In order to be confident in a certain area of your life, you need the competence to back it up. And to get ‘competent’ at something, research suggests that we need to do it some 10,000 times. That’s a lot of approaching!

However, you will probably be relieved to know that you don’t actually have to approach 10,000 women before you can be confident in doing so (although it certainly wouldn’t hurt). As a man who (hopefully) leads a life outside of the incestuous world of ‘game’, you can improve your daygame by channelling confidence from other areas of your life.

Say you’ve been in a job for three years. Chances are, you’ll know the role inside-out. You’ll have no problem juggling the meetings, the appointments and the admin. Okay, so you may get stressed sometimes, but ultimately you are more than capable of fulfilling all the requirements of the job, otherwise you’d have been shown the door a long time ago.

You are confident in your ability to do your job.

You probably don’t think of it like that though. Why? Because we only tend to think of confidence as something that we don’t have, rather that something that we do have. Think back to when you started your job. You probably found that managing all those tasks was quite overwhelming. You lacked confidence in your ability to get everything done. But now that you’re competent at it, you don’t even think of it in terms of confidence. You just do it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could convey that same confidence with women? Well, you can!

Anyone familiar with NLP will have heard a lot about visualisation, a simple technique that can help improve confidence in all areas of your life. Here I offer you two tried-and-tested visualisation techniques that should help boost your confidence in-field. It would be useful to learn them before hand, or, better still, get someone to read them out to you.

Quick Visualisation

1. Sit on a chair and close your eyes. Think of a time in the past where you’ve faltered in your daygame.

2. Run through the interaction in your mind as if you were literally re-living it. Notice your negative physiology – you’ll probably be slouched forward, you might be anxiously touching your face or fiddling with your hands. You may feel hot and embarrassed.

3. Open your eyes and relax for a moment.

4. Close your eyes again and think of a different situation in which you have felt very confident. Perhaps at work or in a different social environment.

5. Again, re-live that moment in intricate detail. You’ll start to notice more positive physiology. You’ll be sitting straighter, smiling; you might even be nodding your head in acknowledgement of your own greatness.

6. Now say to yourself as loud as you can how it is that you’re feeling. Big yourself up. “I feel fucking great!” “I am the man!” “I can take anyone on!” Really savour this as if it was a defining moment in human development.

7. Keep pumping yourself up. Make a ‘woo!’ noise or do a fist-pump if it helps.

8. Now, go back to the interaction in step 2 but this time imagine yourself being the awesomely confident you who just made a ‘woo!’ noise.

9. Keep that positive posture, that smile, that fist-pump and go through the approach as it should have gone. As you re-live the interaction, verbalise how great you feel and how well the interaction is going. Notice how she’s into you straight away. Why shouldn’t she be? You’ve got balls, man!

10. Open your eyes, hold that smile, hit the streets and approach, approach, approach!

Swish Pattern Visualisation

This is a slightly tweaked version of a visualisation technique recommended by master of the mind, Derren Brown. It takes a bit more time and practice, but if you persevere it can be very rewarding!

1. Close your eyes and picture the ideal you. Not just standing in a room alone, but at a party or a business meeting. See yourself freely interacting with people, notice your confidence with women, your authoritative body language, beaming smile and the unequivocally positive reactions of everyone you meet. Make this image as detailed and enticing as possible.

2. Now make the image larger, as if it were stretched across a giant cinema screen.

3. Add sharpness and intensity to the image, brighten the colours beyond high-definition.

4. Bring the image closer to you, so close that you could almost step into it. See it pulsate from the screen like a living organism.

5. Now add music to the image. Pick a track that makes you feel upbeat and confident. As the music plays along to the image, see your peers watch in amazement as the new, confident you takes centre stage.

6. Now imagine that the image is attached to two poles by thick rubber bands on each corner. See the image being slowly pulled into the distance in front of you, creating massive tension in the rubber bands. The image is locked into place but the tension is causing reverberation on the ground beneath you.

7. Now picture an image of yourself approaching a girl in the street. At the moment where negative feelings normally stir, shrink this image down to nothing and release the positive image attached to the rubber bands in front of you. Sit there with the huge, high-definition image mere inches in front of your face and soak it up in all its glory. Then, do it again, except this time with the positive self-image already locked into position in the distance.

After doing this a few times, your mind will begin to associate daygame with this new positive self-image. It’s that simple!

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Inner Game on August 7, 2010

The art of attracting women is something we are all looking to master. In my opinion we should all start to focus inwardly upon ourselves, and see how we can become more attractive as people, rather than just learning what to say at the right time. However there is so much more to this than just identifying attractive traits and conforming to them.

The podcast we recently recorded with the oracle has given Daygame a whole new meaning for me. No longer is it just about chasing gorgeous girls around the streets of London (although that’s still certainly a big factor!) But now I see it as an outlet for me to demonstrate my core confidence, and how comfortable I am with being me.

We’ve all heard that in life all you need to do in order to get something is to believe that you can it. Seems like a typical bit of ‘fluff’ advice right? But I urge you to seriously think about it for a second.

When you truly believe something, does it usually happen?

Take the placebo effect for instance. People who’ve had physiological problems for years, can be led to believe that they’ve been operated on by world class doctors… when in fact all that has happened is that they’ve been put under anaesthetic.

So how is it that our minds are capable of overriding everything we’ve ever known about the physical universe?

Many philosophers argue that our perception of the world, and what we experience, is ultimately just synapses in our heads. We can only be certain that we experience ‘sense-data’, as there is no way to prove the existence of anything beyond our sense-experience. For all we know, the universe is just a figment of our subconscious. I could just be a manifestation of your imagination telling you this because you consciously needed to be made aware of it, who knows.

Our reality is simply a construct of our imagination.

Having said this, we don’t have total freedom on what we construct in our realities. We need genuine justification for our beliefs, in order to construct our reality; such as being led to believe a world class surgeon has just operated on you, in order to fix your knee which has kept you in a wheelchair for a year.

We can apply this concept generally throughout every aspect of our lives, but I want to focus on the art of attracting women.

I recently heard an interview with one of Lovesystems top coaches, Cajun, who said:

“In order for you to be good with women, all that you have to do is remember that you already are.”

This really is some of the best advice I’ve come across. If you want to be good with women, you have to start by seeing yourself as that person already, no matter what previous experiences have taught you. If you view yourself as working towards being good with women, you are approaching as a guy who is currently not good with women. Holding yourself back by labelling yourself like this is going to plague every interaction you have. From here its a downwards spiral; you get bad reactions due to your negativity, which reinforce the belief that you’re bad with women, making you even more negative in your approach and on and on down into the abyss.

So many guys are victim to this spiral which they just can’t see how to get out of.

All you need to do is reinforce your belief that you are good with women.

Your expectations dictate your reality, dictating your results, dictating your associations, dictating your perception of your value, dictating your expectations… and so on in this cycle.

So starting today, you are a man who is good with women.

This isn’t to say that you won’t make mistakes. Even the best of us still make mistakes. But don’t perceive these mistakes as confirmation of you being bad with women; they are just an anomaly in your success.

If there was just one piece of advice that could make you good at this, then it would be to learn to love yourself.

From having this mindset, your expectations will be that you can get any girl that you really want. This attitude will be communicated in every little thing you do, and it is irresistible to women. Then from having this kind of success, your associations with daygame would be pleasure, causing your perception of your own value to skyrocket… and so on with the perpetual upwards spiral.

Pretty much all the advice that is out there is geared towards hitting at least one of these aspects. People who teach inner game increase our perception of our own value, and make us feel better about ourselves. Guys that teach the actual techniques are trying to get you instant results so that you internalise the attitude of being good with women.

The direction of your spiral, whether it be up or down is essentially dictated by how much you love yourself.

I’ll repeat what Cajun said, “In order to be successful with women, all that you have to do is remember that you already are.” So my advice is to go out there and do everything possible to raise your own perception of your value, so you can internalise this attitude.

Go to the gym, dress better, eat better, have more going on in your life, surround yourself with positive people… and go and meet some women!

Get out there, get some success and reinforce the fact that you are good with women. You’ll then start to associate overwhelming satisfaction and pleasure with doing this, which will make you unstoppable.

I want to hear from all the guys who when they go out, are literally itching to approach as many girls as possible, and share with us how you developed that enthusiasm.

The art of attracting women is knowing that you can,

Andy

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on July 17, 2010

This is the last of a line of articles I’ve been writing recently, all about sub-communicating high-value. I kept the topic of vibe till last as it’s probably the hardest fundamental thing to master; but with practice, like anything in life, it will come.

I would describe your vibe as the ‘general feeling’, or energy that you radiate, which you need to be attuned to when approaching women. The coolest guys I know just have this never ending emission of positivity, self-contentment and joy.

We’ve all spoken to people who aren’t really saying anything to turn us off, but there’s just SOMETHING about them that communicates an unhappiness, or a deep insecurity that is preventing them from truly expressing themselves. You might say their VIBE is just a bit off. In RSD’s Blueprint, Tyler says that ‘the Self is ALWAYS coming through’. Having the right vibe will get you laid. Naturals who don’t know game get laid because they just have an awesome vibe.

When starting out, the reason that a lot of guys get blown out when approaching women, is because their vibe is far too serious. It’s not necessarily a negative vibe, but it’s not one that rescues people from the perils of they day, in order for them to be willing to take the time out to talk to you.

When guys persevere with game, they inevitably come across a really friendly, sexy girl who gives them a really positive response, which reminds them that they are actually a cool, high value guy. A really great piece of advice I recently heard from Cajun, one of Lovesystems top instructors is that,“The secret to becoming amazing with women, is to remember that you already are.”

When guys have this kind of epiphany, their manner towards approaching women is different. They are more comfortable, they have more fun… their vibe has changed. You can’t put into words the difference as it is so subtle. Everything they convey is just that little bit more congruent with how they’re actually feeling; they are just that little bit more confident and genuine. All that it can be attributed to is that they’ve learned to ACTUALLY ENJOY talking to girls.

That is the core of what I want you to take from this. You need to learn to ENJOY this process. Your vibe needs to communicate that you are a HAPPY person. If you aren’t happy, then you need to really focus on why this is. If it’s your job, then you need to take time away from pick up and focus on your career. If it’s your friends, then you need to spend time focusing on finding a better peer group. If it’s just the fact that you’re single and you want a girlfriend – then start ENJOYING the process of approaching women. This alone will improve your success rate dramatically.

See your vibe as a gift-wrapped present that your giving the girl. No girl wants to unwrap it to find a yucky bundle of hatred, anger and self-pity. They want to find a shiny ball of FUN and HAPPINESS.

Figure out a way to make learning pick-up FUN, and your vibe will follow.

Andy

P.s. If you enjoyed this article, “The Daygame Vibe For Approaching Women”, then make sure you check out our other articles about sub-communication:

How To Attract Women With Body Language
Fashion Tips For Men
The Importance Of Making Eye Contact To Attract Women
How To Talk To Girls
How To Get A Girl To Like You Before You Approach

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Self-Esteem on June 29, 2010

Hey guys, apologies if this article is a bit rambly. It isn’t really edited and was kinda written in one impulsive outburst. Me and Mark were just watching an infleid product from another company (we’re not saying who), and we were cringing the entire time.

The whole product is centered around ‘indirect game’, which we understand is alot more natural and effective in nightgame, but these guys were doing it in the daytime, and the whole thing came across as weird and a bit creepy.

And then me and Mark had a conversation which inspired me to write this article.

The only reason indirect routine based game can be an effective method in nightgame is that it is ‘different’ to what most guys do in a nightclub. Most guys get drunk, and then either do a poor attempt at drunken direct, or weak indirect game where it is obvious you’re hitting on the girl, but are too pussy to be honest about it. So any routine based method is for this very specific environment where people are drunk and girls are used to being ‘hit on’ all the time. By making yourself stand out from all the other poor attempts at picking her up, you circumnavigate her expectation that you’re going to be yet another idiot, so stand your best chance of her dropping the fake ‘bitch shield’ (self-preservative social mask).

The problem if guys only have experience with approaching girls at night, is that you always get the sense that you have to ‘do something’ in order for the girl to be attracted to you. If you just approach, give her a compliment and say hello, she doesn’t want to know. But it’s the REASON she doesn’t want to know that people miss completely.

When you approach a girl, the experience is going to filter through all of her similar past experiences which is going to create an expectation of you and your approach. Since most of the other times a girl is approaches in a bar or nightclub (95% of the time), will be from drunk, sleazy guys who have zero game, she is automatically going to treat you as such. She assumes your an idiot, and you have to WORK to just get on neutral territory.

But it is because of all her past experiences that makes her act this way.

Anyone who has approached younger girls in a bar know that they often end up being more friendly and open to talking to you then older girls. Why? Because they haven’t been tainted by all sex-starved drunk idiots that will inevitably hit on them relentlessly through their bar/club careers.

Now here’s the problem.

This means most guys, especially guys in the community (after watching this certain product), believe that the default state of things between men and women, is that attraction is something that has to be manipulated and created. They think the DEFAULT STATE is non attraction because every time they approach a girl in a bar, they see that the girl isn’t attracted at first, not realising that this is because of the girl’s past experiences of such approaches.

But I don’t do nightgame.

I do Daygame.

I have seen a different reality. A reality that nightgamers haven’t seen.

I know the truth.

And the truth, is that what attracts a women is your intrinsic value as a man. ATTRACTION IS THE DEFAULT STATE between men and women. It is there INTRINSICALLY. You just have to learn how to not fuck it up.

Put a man and a woman on a desert island who have had no social conditioning to tell them what is beautiful, or what is construed to be of high or low value, and they will be sexually attracted to one another. Put two dogs together of different sex, and they will fuck. It is nature, it is natural and it is beautifully simple.

A perfect example of this is something I have seen in my friend Yad, and something I have felt and experienced myself over the course of my learning.

As we have progressed and gotten more experienced, and grown in confidence…… we do LESS when we approach.

Watch a video of me doing daygame a year ago, and you would be MORE impressed with what you see on video, than if you see a video of me now. Because in the more recent video and I’m DOING less. Infact, it looks like i’m just standing there not doing ANYTHING at all. In old videos im doing alot more stuff – kino, dancing with her, lots of clever, funny, crazy banter tricks and trying to keep the interaction as crazy as possible. Now I don’t feel I need to do that anymore.

And the reason for this is because over the course of the last few years, I started to realise that I DIDN’T NEED to do all that stuff to attract women. Infact, I started to realise that I didn’t really need to do much at all. You can literally plot the skill level of a daygamer, but how much he feels he needs to do in order for a girl to be attracted to him.

Think about the thing you usually hear about what attracts a woman. The NUMBER ONE thing that women say is ‘confidence’.

Well, what does a confident man believe? He believes he is attractive to women. He understands his intrinsic value as a man. Just by being a man, he is BORN attractive to women, and he knows it.

There is one thing a daygamer does has to get past though.

A daygamer doesn’t have to circumnavigate a bitch-shield during the day, but he does have to get past a smaller barrier though.

I said before that every experience filters through all previous experiences, which influences what you believe about the present experience. Someone who has been attacked by a dog in the past is going to be alot more weary around a dog than someone who has never had any contact with one.

But women grow up experiencing men who are ashamed of being men. They are surrounded day-in and day-out by men who are weak and feel the need to supplicate to them all the time. She is used to being around men who dont think they are attractive, and therefore don’t think they are real men.

So when you approach during the daytime, the only barrier you need to get past is her expectation that you are one of these men. And the way to do this is to just be direct, and UNAPOLOGETIC with what you are doing. Indirect and routine daygame, at it’s ROOT, stems from the belief that you need to DO something in order for the girl to be attracted to you. You need to flip this on it’s head, and realise that the opposite is true.

What attracts a woman is just that you are a man, and by virtue of this fact you hold an intrinsic attractiveness that women are drawn to. You just need to realise this, and approach women directly, honestly, and unapologeticly and ASSUME the attraction is there – you just need to get past her expectation that you are going to be like all the other men who don’t realise they’re value as a man. Once past that, and she sees the man in you, attraction is automatic.

And you’re just starting out and this seems like a very different reality, don’t worry, you will start to feel this belief with more and more experience and practice. Confidence in your own attractiveness is something you have to experience for yourself. And with experience you will EARN the confidence and the belief in your innate attractive nature.

Hope this helps guys!

Any comments on this article “What Really Attracts a Woman Is Your Intrinsic Value As a Man” I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Andy.

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on June 6, 2010

The dilemma of how to get a girl to like you is one which seems to have mystified men for eternity. There seems to be no logical conclusion that makes sense to most men.

How many times have you observed a guy being criticised by women, to then end up having all those women who were bad-mouthing him, fighting over him? In contrast, how many guys do you know, who women have nothing but great things to say about … But … for whatever reason they just can’t get further than “let’s just be friends“?

From continuously observing this, I have been led to the conclusion that compliments from women are not synonymous with interest from women. In other words a woman’s compliments are not an accurate indicator of any levels of attraction.

Maybe you’ve even experienced those dreaded four words “Let’s just be friends” yourself. Well in this article you’re going to learn how to get a girl to like you, so that you never have to hear those words again!

Firstly, why do “nice guys” never get anywhere with women, even though women seem to adore them?

Basically this boils down to the fact that people in general are going to like those who say good things about them, and are very pleasant, flattering and accommodating towards them. Guys tend to realise that being a nice guy leads to people liking them; so much so that they start to gain their validation from being a nice guy, and they never look back. Now I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being a well-mannered, polite, and decent guy, but you don’t want to get to the point where you are seen as “too nice”.

You are only ever REALLY going to get a girl to like you by exhibiting behaviour that is challenging, instead of exhibiting behaviour that is pleasing or flattering. This is because in order for there to be any romantic or sexual interest, there has to be some degree of erotic tension.

No tension = No interest = “Let’s just be friends”

Most people look at tension as a ‘bad’ thing to have in a relationship, but this is due to a common misconception between tension and animosity.

If I could tell you just one piece of advice so that you knew how to get a girl to like you, it would be to create tension with a girl. Tension is really a level of suspense or excitement that is the direct result of provocative behaviour, and it is almost a prerequisite for any romantic or sexual interest. Therefore “nice guys” just can’t get anywhere with women, as they are never able to spark this excitement that is essential for building attraction.

You cannot create erotic tension without provocative behaviour.

Whats interesting is that generally all “nice guys” want to exhibit strong, masculine behaviour. But the reason that they become “too nice” around women is because they are generally afraid of being sexual as they always want to make a good impression.

In the article “Get Her Attention With Expression Not Impression” Mark tells us of the power of care-free expression, in contrast to a lot of guys who only speak to girls with the agenda of trying to impress them. It’s ironic that the guys who aren’t necessarily bothered by other peoples perceptions of them, tend to get the results, whilst the guys who are wanting to make a good impression are getting nowhere. The attitude you give off is going to be reciprocated, so by being “nice”, you are only ever going to have girls being “nice” back to you – which means getting nowhere near the bedroom.

It’s ironic that the guys who aren’t necessarily bothered by other peoples perceptions of them, tend to get the results, whilst the guys who are wanting to make a good impression are getting nowhere. The attitude you give off is going to be reciprocated, so by being “nice”, you are only ever going to have girls being “nice” back to you – which means getting nowhere near the bedroom.

It’s important that you don’t take this out of context and become a complete dick in an attempt to get a girl.

Yes, guys are able to do this and get women, but it works for certain guys because it is congruent with there personalities. If reading this you can relate to being the nice guy who always tends to end up as the girls friend, you’re not going to do yourself any favours by being a complete dick with women. You need the find the right balance, or as Aristotle would say “the doctrine of the mean”.

This leads us to the question – If we’re not to be too nice, and we’re not to be jerks, what are we to be?

If you are thinking that you are a “nice guy” at heart, you still can be – just do it in a strong way. You should be expressing your intentions, desires and interests with a girl in a highly confident and unapologetic manner. You don’t want to seem as though you have to go out of your way to get women to like you; the great thing is that once you stop caring so much, you’re going to demonstrate to women that you have other things going on in your life, which immediately makes you a more attractive prospect.

In the podcast we did with Craig, he told us of how he used a very direct manner in order to create this tension with women, but it’s important to note that every guy will find their own way in which to spark excitement with women: Some guys will playfully tease women, some guys will be cocky, and others are just going to be plain bold in how they communicate with women. But what you should take from this is that there is always a way of balancing your strength of character with your own personality and values. You don’t have to use X-rated language in order to let a women know you’re interested in dating her. You can just tell a girl that you’re attracted to her, rather than telling her you want to fuck her. Having said that, a lot of guys need to get rid of their belief that girls won’t respect them if they act sexually towards them. Once you start acting instinctively and following your true intentions, you are going to have a complete shift in your success with women.

Initially to get out of the “nice guy” mindset, your emphasis should be on conquering your fears, by behaving in the way you really want to behave, instead of behaving in the manner that you think will be the most pleasant of flattering.

Just remember that any insecurities you have begin and end in your own mind. Forget worrying about what people think of you and start going after what you want in life.

I sincerely hope that from reading this, you never have to hear “let’s just be friends” ever again,

If you have any comments on this article “How To Get A Girl To Like You And Avoid Hearing “Let’s Just Be Friends”, leave them below – I read all comments!

- Andy

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Mindset on May 26, 2010

I think I know what you’re thinking (say that word over and over in your head and it starts to sound weird… “thinky think think.. th… ink…”): Thought is the privilege of humankind. “If I don’t think, then what will I get done?”. That’s right – you need to think in order to get things done. Conscious thought allows us to analyse and reflect on our experiences, so that we steer ourselves in the right direction. But that comes after the fact. Which things need to get done in Day Game? Let’s zoom in on the word “need”. You don’t “need” to chat up girls, just like you don’t “need” to wear matching socks. You do these things in order to feel better in yourself (ever had a day when all your clothes work together in synchronicity? Well I haven’t in about 6 years, but it feels good to dress well right?). So, because you don’t urgently need to chat up girls, and you don’t need a particular result when doing so, you can forego the thinking part and just go in with a naked mind. Au naturale.

Woooahhhhh. Back up. So I don’t need to think, but why not? Let’s consult a dictionary.

Think [thingk] verb – to have a conscious mind, to some extent of reasoning, remembering experiences, making rational decisions, etc.

So many bleh words in there when it comes to pick-up; “reasoning”,” remembering” and “rational decisions” will all to some extent hinder your vibe and flow. Of course these things will come to you naturally, but you mustn’t let them stifle your vibe.

“Being stifled” occurs when you are preoccupied with thoughts or in other words “stuck inside your head”. We all experience this. I experience it on a frequent basis, particularly when I’m under a lot of stress or when I’ve not warmed up my social self eg. I’ve been writing all day. Your cerebral mindset filters everything through an analytical lens.

On the other-side of the coin, being “un-stifled” implies an emotional mindset, one which you act from intuition rather than analysis. We all experience this too. Imagine having a conversation with your best friend. You are relaxed, just going with the flow, letting the conversation un-fold in an organic manner without any concern.

In contrast, the cerebral mindset breeds concern because in the course of analysis various flags are raised. In the context of pick-up, this manifests as “AA” or “Approach Anxiety”. Some examples of flags: What if she’s in a rush? What if she’s got a boyfriend? What if she rejects me? etc. etc.

Let’s compare the two mindsets further. The emotional approach and the cerebral approach are evident in all forms of art. Think of the musician who claims that the music “just came to him… in a dream/in the bath/in a remote jungle etc.” Then consider the artist who slavers over a particular song or album for days, months or years, picking it apart and piecing it back together to achieve his masterpiece. In literature, too, it may take an author two weeks to write his first book and then two years to write his second book of roughly the same size.

Unlike in the Arts, with the day game approach we have a very limited time-frame to make the approach and hold the attention of our girl. Thus we must abandon the cerebral approach. We mustn’t think our way towards “the perfect approach” (the only way to achieve that is to experiment). Not only does thinking cause hesitation which is the nemesis of successful day game approaching, it also clogs up the pathways to great natural and spontaneous conversation in our mind. There’s nothing more awkward for me than when I’m talking with someone and at the same time trapped inside my head, worrying about something or being self-conscious. Additionally, think about the classic pose of the thinking man – head down, one arm folded around chest and the other at his mouth, his finger curled to essentially seal his lips! As if you didn’t know, this is terrible body language for attracting women as it gives the impression of being closed-off and somewhat nervous.

Being carefree sometimes isn’t easy, but you can start off by “leaving your work at the office” or in other words not being preoccupied with work-related thought once you’ve hit the street/coffee shop/any other public space. Additionally, shaking up your physiology by jumping up and down or lightly jogging is a great way to almost literally shake thoughts out of your head! So, stay tuned for further articles in this Mindset series in which I’ll be talking about more practical steps to swiftly transition from that pesky cerebral mindset into a day game-certified emotional mindset And I’ll also be giving further tips on how to fine tune your ‘inner-game’ to create lasting attraction in those around you.

See you on the streets!

- Mark Mowgli

If you have any comments on this article “The Day Game Mindset Series #1 – Do Not Think” please leave them below!