Beliefs

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Confidence, Inner Game, Mindset, Self-Esteem on May 11, 2012

“People say that what we’re seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Joseph Cambell, “The Power of Myth”

Let’s be nerdy for a second. Think of the changes to the internet since its rise in the 1990s.

First there was Web 1.0  – static webpages with top-down content, and sales driven through basket clicks. Users could view pages, but not reflect on the content. They were not dynamic, focussing on presenting rather than creating. What we’d now call Old Skool.

Then came Web 2.0 around 2004, where web application features were developed to encourage sharing, user-centred design and mass collaboration. Think social networking, blogs, videos and applications. Think about how this website is built and runs.

In recent years, there’s talk of Web 3.0 emerging – a personalised, individual web with “intelligent” components, where the web will work for you automatically and predictively. The slave will become the master.

Why am I giving you a potted history of the internet? Well, for me there are key similarities between this shift in technology and a shift in “Game” or “Pick Up.”

Let’s define Game 1.0. Think pick-up lines, routines, manuals, night clubs, peacocking. Presenting rather than creating. Top-down in that the girl was seen as the “prize” and intent had to be hidden.

Now let’s think of Game 2.0. A move away from set lines and methods to a collective, creative, honest type of game, like direct street game. Think classic daygame, with a bottom-up approach based on freedom of expression and self improvement.

So what would Game 3.0 look like? In the last six months I’ve started formulating it, getting glimpses of it in my own journey and in the journey of others who’ve cracked the Daygame Blueprint or “Matrix.” It’s something “beyond” pick up that’s very personal, very fundamental.

Here are some characteristics that I see in Game 3.0:

 * 100% solid vibe that has become “natural”

 * A life beyond PUA, which is rich, holistic, complete and congruent

* A fully-rounded man, not just with women. Thus he becomes naturally “attractive” to others without trying

* Using skills learnt in “Game” (taking action, facing fears etc.) in other areas like business, health and long-term relationships. A life lived in full

 Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, but I can really feel a shift in the “community” in the last year or two towards a bigger vision, a larger goal. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with moving through the different stages of 1.0 and 2.0 to get good with women. It’s a rite of passage for every man. I took that journey, and am still nowhere near my destination. What I’m suggesting, however, is that there’s more to it than just getting good with girls. Rising from the ashes of routines are confident, congruent men with deep level changes. It’s time for the firebird to spread its golden wings and fly. Who’s in?

- Tom Torero, May 2012

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Body Language, Confidence, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice, Getting a Date, Inner Game, Mindset, Outer Game, Self-Esteem, What To Say on February 18, 2012

I gave a talk last night to the London Seduction Society entitled “Fail More!”

In it I emphasised how getting good with women is something that can only be learned in an experiential way (i.e. going out and trying it). By experimenting, making mistakes, correcting them and trying again, you will progress.

Mistakes are simply vital reference points that should be embraced. I see all my interactions as things that could go well, or give me a reference experience (…a funny story at the very least).

Getting the rookie mistakes out the way as quickly as possible is vital. From teaching hundreds of guys on the street during bootcamps and individually, I can recognise these mistakes immediately.

Below are the Top 10 rookie mistakes of a daygamer. I’ve given them amusing names just to make it lighthearted. I have made ALL of these mistakes at some point when I was learning the daygame model, so don’t take them personally. Being able to laugh at them is a key part of getting better.

Top 10 Daygame Mistakes

1) Mr Creepy (Approaching incorrectly)

This guy can’t stop a girl. He touches her from behind, walks with her, tries to grab her, or jumps too close in front of her. The girl doesn’t know what he wants and panics.

She’s thinking: Call the Police!

2) Mr Stalker (Too serious, lack of vibe)

This guy can stop a girl, compliment her and begin a conversation but it’s all way too serious. He forgets to smile, body language is stiff, and there’s no teasing or playfulness to the pick-up.

She’s thinking: Get me out of here!

3) Mr Clown (too gamey, too entertaining, too funny)

This guy has read every Pick-Up book out there. He loves his lines, his routines, his jokes and his peacocking. The girl is laughing so he thinks he’s winning.

She’s thinking: Is this guy a children’s entertainer?

4) Mr Speedy Gonzalez (Talks too quickly, gives off nervous energy)

Everything’s100milesanhour! This guy doesn’t believe that people will listen to what he’s got to say, so he says it quickly. His nervous energy is often then matched by the girl, and the interaction spins out of control.

She’s thinking: Why do I feel so agitated?

5) Mr Hairdresser (Asks too many mundane questions)

The most common mistake. This guy makes polite conversation by asking her questions: What are you up to today? Where are you from? Doing anything nice later? He’s asking her to do all the work and not displaying any of his personality.

She’s thinking: I feel like I’m being interviewed.

6) Mr Bitch (agreeing with everything, putting her on a pedestal)

This guy supplicates to her. He inflects his voice upwards, nods his head, smiles too much and says “oh cool!” after she speaks. For him, she can do no wrong. She might like him, but she’s turned off by this kiss-arse behaviour and lack of challenging.

She’s thinking: I can walk all over this one!

7) Mr Gay Best Friend (Too much comfort, no male-female polarity)

Girls love this guy. He makes them feel totally comfortable. This guy doesn’t flirt or tease, he just allows them to talk about what they want to talk about. He’s afraid of showing his intent in case he loses her.

She’s thinking: Great! A guy I can be platonic with!

8. Mr Me-Me-Me (does all the work, invests too much, talks a lot)

This guy is doing far too much talking. He doesn’t recogise when the set has hooked and never gets the girls doing the work. He’s forgotten the power of listening and silence.

She’s thinking: Why is he trying so hard?

9) Mr Premature Ejeculator (leaves an interaction early)

This guy is his own worst enemy. He blows himself out by leaving an interaction that was going fine, just to escape the social pressure. Either he can’t believe how well it’s going or he panics and departs.

She’s thinking: Why didn’t he ask for my number?

10) Mr Dodgy Closer (closes too fast or messes up the close)

This guy has forgotten that you have to open strong and close strong. He apologetically asks for her number, mumbles, or gives up at the first sign of difficulty. This guy might also go for the number too fast, before the hook point.

She’s thinking: It started off well, but now I’m not sure..

_______________________________

Take a good hard look at those Top 10 mistakes and try to honestly say which ones you make. Get a friend to film one of your approaches, or record an audio of your conversation. Even better, get on a daygame.com bootcamp and have myself and Jon pinpoint exactly where you’re making mistakes, and how you can correct them. Small changes can make massive differences.

- Tom Torero

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Inner Game on August 7, 2010

The art of attracting women is something we are all looking to master. In my opinion we should all start to focus inwardly upon ourselves, and see how we can become more attractive as people, rather than just learning what to say at the right time. However there is so much more to this than just identifying attractive traits and conforming to them.

The podcast we recently recorded with the oracle has given Daygame a whole new meaning for me. No longer is it just about chasing gorgeous girls around the streets of London (although that’s still certainly a big factor!) But now I see it as an outlet for me to demonstrate my core confidence, and how comfortable I am with being me.

We’ve all heard that in life all you need to do in order to get something is to believe that you can it. Seems like a typical bit of ‘fluff’ advice right? But I urge you to seriously think about it for a second.

When you truly believe something, does it usually happen?

Take the placebo effect for instance. People who’ve had physiological problems for years, can be led to believe that they’ve been operated on by world class doctors… when in fact all that has happened is that they’ve been put under anaesthetic.

So how is it that our minds are capable of overriding everything we’ve ever known about the physical universe?

Many philosophers argue that our perception of the world, and what we experience, is ultimately just synapses in our heads. We can only be certain that we experience ‘sense-data’, as there is no way to prove the existence of anything beyond our sense-experience. For all we know, the universe is just a figment of our subconscious. I could just be a manifestation of your imagination telling you this because you consciously needed to be made aware of it, who knows.

Our reality is simply a construct of our imagination.

Having said this, we don’t have total freedom on what we construct in our realities. We need genuine justification for our beliefs, in order to construct our reality; such as being led to believe a world class surgeon has just operated on you, in order to fix your knee which has kept you in a wheelchair for a year.

We can apply this concept generally throughout every aspect of our lives, but I want to focus on the art of attracting women.

I recently heard an interview with one of Lovesystems top coaches, Cajun, who said:

“In order for you to be good with women, all that you have to do is remember that you already are.”

This really is some of the best advice I’ve come across. If you want to be good with women, you have to start by seeing yourself as that person already, no matter what previous experiences have taught you. If you view yourself as working towards being good with women, you are approaching as a guy who is currently not good with women. Holding yourself back by labelling yourself like this is going to plague every interaction you have. From here its a downwards spiral; you get bad reactions due to your negativity, which reinforce the belief that you’re bad with women, making you even more negative in your approach and on and on down into the abyss.

So many guys are victim to this spiral which they just can’t see how to get out of.

All you need to do is reinforce your belief that you are good with women.

Your expectations dictate your reality, dictating your results, dictating your associations, dictating your perception of your value, dictating your expectations… and so on in this cycle.

So starting today, you are a man who is good with women.

This isn’t to say that you won’t make mistakes. Even the best of us still make mistakes. But don’t perceive these mistakes as confirmation of you being bad with women; they are just an anomaly in your success.

If there was just one piece of advice that could make you good at this, then it would be to learn to love yourself.

From having this mindset, your expectations will be that you can get any girl that you really want. This attitude will be communicated in every little thing you do, and it is irresistible to women. Then from having this kind of success, your associations with daygame would be pleasure, causing your perception of your own value to skyrocket… and so on with the perpetual upwards spiral.

Pretty much all the advice that is out there is geared towards hitting at least one of these aspects. People who teach inner game increase our perception of our own value, and make us feel better about ourselves. Guys that teach the actual techniques are trying to get you instant results so that you internalise the attitude of being good with women.

The direction of your spiral, whether it be up or down is essentially dictated by how much you love yourself.

I’ll repeat what Cajun said, “In order to be successful with women, all that you have to do is remember that you already are.” So my advice is to go out there and do everything possible to raise your own perception of your value, so you can internalise this attitude.

Go to the gym, dress better, eat better, have more going on in your life, surround yourself with positive people… and go and meet some women!

Get out there, get some success and reinforce the fact that you are good with women. You’ll then start to associate overwhelming satisfaction and pleasure with doing this, which will make you unstoppable.

I want to hear from all the guys who when they go out, are literally itching to approach as many girls as possible, and share with us how you developed that enthusiasm.

The art of attracting women is knowing that you can,

Andy