Self-Esteem

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Confidence, Inner Game, Mindset, Self-Esteem on May 11, 2012

“People say that what we’re seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.”

Joseph Cambell, “The Power of Myth”

Let’s be nerdy for a second. Think of the changes to the internet since its rise in the 1990s.

First there was Web 1.0  – static webpages with top-down content, and sales driven through basket clicks. Users could view pages, but not reflect on the content. They were not dynamic, focussing on presenting rather than creating. What we’d now call Old Skool.

Then came Web 2.0 around 2004, where web application features were developed to encourage sharing, user-centred design and mass collaboration. Think social networking, blogs, videos and applications. Think about how this website is built and runs.

In recent years, there’s talk of Web 3.0 emerging – a personalised, individual web with “intelligent” components, where the web will work for you automatically and predictively. The slave will become the master.

Why am I giving you a potted history of the internet? Well, for me there are key similarities between this shift in technology and a shift in “Game” or “Pick Up.”

Let’s define Game 1.0. Think pick-up lines, routines, manuals, night clubs, peacocking. Presenting rather than creating. Top-down in that the girl was seen as the “prize” and intent had to be hidden.

Now let’s think of Game 2.0. A move away from set lines and methods to a collective, creative, honest type of game, like direct street game. Think classic daygame, with a bottom-up approach based on freedom of expression and self improvement.

So what would Game 3.0 look like? In the last six months I’ve started formulating it, getting glimpses of it in my own journey and in the journey of others who’ve cracked the Daygame Blueprint or “Matrix.” It’s something “beyond” pick up that’s very personal, very fundamental.

Here are some characteristics that I see in Game 3.0:

 * 100% solid vibe that has become “natural”

 * A life beyond PUA, which is rich, holistic, complete and congruent

* A fully-rounded man, not just with women. Thus he becomes naturally “attractive” to others without trying

* Using skills learnt in “Game” (taking action, facing fears etc.) in other areas like business, health and long-term relationships. A life lived in full

 Perhaps it’s just wishful thinking, but I can really feel a shift in the “community” in the last year or two towards a bigger vision, a larger goal. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with moving through the different stages of 1.0 and 2.0 to get good with women. It’s a rite of passage for every man. I took that journey, and am still nowhere near my destination. What I’m suggesting, however, is that there’s more to it than just getting good with girls. Rising from the ashes of routines are confident, congruent men with deep level changes. It’s time for the firebird to spread its golden wings and fly. Who’s in?

- Tom Torero, May 2012

Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Body Language, Confidence, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice, Getting a Date, Inner Game, Mindset, Outer Game, Self-Esteem, What To Say on February 18, 2012

I gave a talk last night to the London Seduction Society entitled “Fail More!”

In it I emphasised how getting good with women is something that can only be learned in an experiential way (i.e. going out and trying it). By experimenting, making mistakes, correcting them and trying again, you will progress.

Mistakes are simply vital reference points that should be embraced. I see all my interactions as things that could go well, or give me a reference experience (…a funny story at the very least).

Getting the rookie mistakes out the way as quickly as possible is vital. From teaching hundreds of guys on the street during bootcamps and individually, I can recognise these mistakes immediately.

Below are the Top 10 rookie mistakes of a daygamer. I’ve given them amusing names just to make it lighthearted. I have made ALL of these mistakes at some point when I was learning the daygame model, so don’t take them personally. Being able to laugh at them is a key part of getting better.

Top 10 Daygame Mistakes

1) Mr Creepy (Approaching incorrectly)

This guy can’t stop a girl. He touches her from behind, walks with her, tries to grab her, or jumps too close in front of her. The girl doesn’t know what he wants and panics.

She’s thinking: Call the Police!

2) Mr Stalker (Too serious, lack of vibe)

This guy can stop a girl, compliment her and begin a conversation but it’s all way too serious. He forgets to smile, body language is stiff, and there’s no teasing or playfulness to the pick-up.

She’s thinking: Get me out of here!

3) Mr Clown (too gamey, too entertaining, too funny)

This guy has read every Pick-Up book out there. He loves his lines, his routines, his jokes and his peacocking. The girl is laughing so he thinks he’s winning.

She’s thinking: Is this guy a children’s entertainer?

4) Mr Speedy Gonzalez (Talks too quickly, gives off nervous energy)

Everything’s100milesanhour! This guy doesn’t believe that people will listen to what he’s got to say, so he says it quickly. His nervous energy is often then matched by the girl, and the interaction spins out of control.

She’s thinking: Why do I feel so agitated?

5) Mr Hairdresser (Asks too many mundane questions)

The most common mistake. This guy makes polite conversation by asking her questions: What are you up to today? Where are you from? Doing anything nice later? He’s asking her to do all the work and not displaying any of his personality.

She’s thinking: I feel like I’m being interviewed.

6) Mr Bitch (agreeing with everything, putting her on a pedestal)

This guy supplicates to her. He inflects his voice upwards, nods his head, smiles too much and says “oh cool!” after she speaks. For him, she can do no wrong. She might like him, but she’s turned off by this kiss-arse behaviour and lack of challenging.

She’s thinking: I can walk all over this one!

7) Mr Gay Best Friend (Too much comfort, no male-female polarity)

Girls love this guy. He makes them feel totally comfortable. This guy doesn’t flirt or tease, he just allows them to talk about what they want to talk about. He’s afraid of showing his intent in case he loses her.

She’s thinking: Great! A guy I can be platonic with!

8. Mr Me-Me-Me (does all the work, invests too much, talks a lot)

This guy is doing far too much talking. He doesn’t recogise when the set has hooked and never gets the girls doing the work. He’s forgotten the power of listening and silence.

She’s thinking: Why is he trying so hard?

9) Mr Premature Ejeculator (leaves an interaction early)

This guy is his own worst enemy. He blows himself out by leaving an interaction that was going fine, just to escape the social pressure. Either he can’t believe how well it’s going or he panics and departs.

She’s thinking: Why didn’t he ask for my number?

10) Mr Dodgy Closer (closes too fast or messes up the close)

This guy has forgotten that you have to open strong and close strong. He apologetically asks for her number, mumbles, or gives up at the first sign of difficulty. This guy might also go for the number too fast, before the hook point.

She’s thinking: It started off well, but now I’m not sure..

_______________________________

Take a good hard look at those Top 10 mistakes and try to honestly say which ones you make. Get a friend to film one of your approaches, or record an audio of your conversation. Even better, get on a daygame.com bootcamp and have myself and Jon pinpoint exactly where you’re making mistakes, and how you can correct them. Small changes can make massive differences.

- Tom Torero

Posted in Articles, Inner Game, Self-Esteem on June 29, 2010

Hey guys, apologies if this article is a bit rambly. It isn’t really edited and was kinda written in one impulsive outburst. Me and Mark were just watching an infleid product from another company (we’re not saying who), and we were cringing the entire time.

The whole product is centered around ‘indirect game’, which we understand is alot more natural and effective in nightgame, but these guys were doing it in the daytime, and the whole thing came across as weird and a bit creepy.

And then me and Mark had a conversation which inspired me to write this article.

The only reason indirect routine based game can be an effective method in nightgame is that it is ‘different’ to what most guys do in a nightclub. Most guys get drunk, and then either do a poor attempt at drunken direct, or weak indirect game where it is obvious you’re hitting on the girl, but are too pussy to be honest about it. So any routine based method is for this very specific environment where people are drunk and girls are used to being ‘hit on’ all the time. By making yourself stand out from all the other poor attempts at picking her up, you circumnavigate her expectation that you’re going to be yet another idiot, so stand your best chance of her dropping the fake ‘bitch shield’ (self-preservative social mask).

The problem if guys only have experience with approaching girls at night, is that you always get the sense that you have to ‘do something’ in order for the girl to be attracted to you. If you just approach, give her a compliment and say hello, she doesn’t want to know. But it’s the REASON she doesn’t want to know that people miss completely.

When you approach a girl, the experience is going to filter through all of her similar past experiences which is going to create an expectation of you and your approach. Since most of the other times a girl is approaches in a bar or nightclub (95% of the time), will be from drunk, sleazy guys who have zero game, she is automatically going to treat you as such. She assumes your an idiot, and you have to WORK to just get on neutral territory.

But it is because of all her past experiences that makes her act this way.

Anyone who has approached younger girls in a bar know that they often end up being more friendly and open to talking to you then older girls. Why? Because they haven’t been tainted by all sex-starved drunk idiots that will inevitably hit on them relentlessly through their bar/club careers.

Now here’s the problem.

This means most guys, especially guys in the community (after watching this certain product), believe that the default state of things between men and women, is that attraction is something that has to be manipulated and created. They think the DEFAULT STATE is non attraction because every time they approach a girl in a bar, they see that the girl isn’t attracted at first, not realising that this is because of the girl’s past experiences of such approaches.

But I don’t do nightgame.

I do Daygame.

I have seen a different reality. A reality that nightgamers haven’t seen.

I know the truth.

And the truth, is that what attracts a women is your intrinsic value as a man. ATTRACTION IS THE DEFAULT STATE between men and women. It is there INTRINSICALLY. You just have to learn how to not fuck it up.

Put a man and a woman on a desert island who have had no social conditioning to tell them what is beautiful, or what is construed to be of high or low value, and they will be sexually attracted to one another. Put two dogs together of different sex, and they will fuck. It is nature, it is natural and it is beautifully simple.

A perfect example of this is something I have seen in my friend Yad, and something I have felt and experienced myself over the course of my learning.

As we have progressed and gotten more experienced, and grown in confidence…… we do LESS when we approach.

Watch a video of me doing daygame a year ago, and you would be MORE impressed with what you see on video, than if you see a video of me now. Because in the more recent video and I’m DOING less. Infact, it looks like i’m just standing there not doing ANYTHING at all. In old videos im doing alot more stuff – kino, dancing with her, lots of clever, funny, crazy banter tricks and trying to keep the interaction as crazy as possible. Now I don’t feel I need to do that anymore.

And the reason for this is because over the course of the last few years, I started to realise that I DIDN’T NEED to do all that stuff to attract women. Infact, I started to realise that I didn’t really need to do much at all. You can literally plot the skill level of a daygamer, but how much he feels he needs to do in order for a girl to be attracted to him.

Think about the thing you usually hear about what attracts a woman. The NUMBER ONE thing that women say is ‘confidence’.

Well, what does a confident man believe? He believes he is attractive to women. He understands his intrinsic value as a man. Just by being a man, he is BORN attractive to women, and he knows it.

There is one thing a daygamer does has to get past though.

A daygamer doesn’t have to circumnavigate a bitch-shield during the day, but he does have to get past a smaller barrier though.

I said before that every experience filters through all previous experiences, which influences what you believe about the present experience. Someone who has been attacked by a dog in the past is going to be alot more weary around a dog than someone who has never had any contact with one.

But women grow up experiencing men who are ashamed of being men. They are surrounded day-in and day-out by men who are weak and feel the need to supplicate to them all the time. She is used to being around men who dont think they are attractive, and therefore don’t think they are real men.

So when you approach during the daytime, the only barrier you need to get past is her expectation that you are one of these men. And the way to do this is to just be direct, and UNAPOLOGETIC with what you are doing. Indirect and routine daygame, at it’s ROOT, stems from the belief that you need to DO something in order for the girl to be attracted to you. You need to flip this on it’s head, and realise that the opposite is true.

What attracts a woman is just that you are a man, and by virtue of this fact you hold an intrinsic attractiveness that women are drawn to. You just need to realise this, and approach women directly, honestly, and unapologeticly and ASSUME the attraction is there – you just need to get past her expectation that you are going to be like all the other men who don’t realise they’re value as a man. Once past that, and she sees the man in you, attraction is automatic.

And you’re just starting out and this seems like a very different reality, don’t worry, you will start to feel this belief with more and more experience and practice. Confidence in your own attractiveness is something you have to experience for yourself. And with experience you will EARN the confidence and the belief in your innate attractive nature.

Hope this helps guys!

Any comments on this article “What Really Attracts a Woman Is Your Intrinsic Value As a Man” I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Andy.