What To Say
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on May 7, 2012
If you’ve been practicing the Daygame Blueprint structure for direct street approaching, you’ll know that the first part of the model can be the hardest – the Capture Phase. This is made up of:
* The Attention Snap
* PreHistory
* Observational Statement
* Assumption Stacking
Once she’s hooked, then students are usually away and can run with the conversation until it’s time for the number close.
On this weekend’s bootcamp I noticed that the students all thought that the Capture Phase was set in stone, like there was only one way of doing it. Because of our infield videos, many daygamers think that it’s always the following:
* The Attention Snap = Yad Stop from the front and “Can I tell you something really quickly?”
* PreHistory = “I just saw you walking past and…”
* Observational Statement = “I think you look really nice”
* Assumption Stacking = “What I noticed about you was…”
However, if you look at the Daygame Blueprint closely, you’ll see that we’re not suggesting you use the same Capture Phase each time, for every situation. It’s funny to walk around London and see daygamers copying exactly the same Capture Phase that Yad uses for every single girl.
In reality, the Capture Phase is fluid, and very variable. What you do for the Capture should totally change depending on the specific environment and situation.
You need to start doing Chameleon Capture.
The Capture Phase should match the environment. A Yad-style capture (as described above) is ideal for fast walking girls on a busy shopping street. Even then, you need to make up your own exact “lines” for each bit of the Capture. Try to change it each time you stop a girl. For example, it could become:
* Attention Snap = Yosha stop from side and “Oh my God, stop!”
* Prehistory = “This is going to be really random but…”
* Observational Statement = “I love your style, it’s totally cute”
* Assumption Stacking = “You remind me of….”
With the students on the bootcamp today we hit other areas of central London where the street vibe was different each time – markets, squares, side streets. Often I take students into shops, stores and even museums. For each environment, I need to match my Capture to the energy level of that place. So for a quiet art gallery, it might go something like this:
* Attention Snap = Stand next to girl looking at a painting and whisper “Wow!”
* Prehistory = “I know it’s illegal to have fun in a gallery but…”
* Observational Statement = “You’re distracting me from this art with your look”
* Assumption Stacking = “I’m guessing you’re from….”
Get the idea? Just because you’ve seen a video of Yad stopping a girl on a busy street using one type of Capture doesn’t mean that you have to copy it each time you approach the girl. Match the energy level to the environment and inject some of your own personality into each bit of it by changing the “lines” around each time. Own the words and speak from the heart, adapting your vibe to hers each time like a true chameleon.
- Tom Torero, Executive Instructor
Posted in Articles, Beliefs, Body Language, Confidence, Dating & Relationships, Dating Advice, Getting a Date, Inner Game, Mindset, Outer Game, Self-Esteem, What To Say on February 18, 2012
I gave a talk last night to the London Seduction Society entitled “Fail More!”
In it I emphasised how getting good with women is something that can only be learned in an experiential way (i.e. going out and trying it). By experimenting, making mistakes, correcting them and trying again, you will progress.
Mistakes are simply vital reference points that should be embraced. I see all my interactions as things that could go well, or give me a reference experience (…a funny story at the very least).
Getting the rookie mistakes out the way as quickly as possible is vital. From teaching hundreds of guys on the street during bootcamps and individually, I can recognise these mistakes immediately.
Below are the Top 10 rookie mistakes of a daygamer. I’ve given them amusing names just to make it lighthearted. I have made ALL of these mistakes at some point when I was learning the daygame model, so don’t take them personally. Being able to laugh at them is a key part of getting better.
Top 10 Daygame Mistakes
1) Mr Creepy (Approaching incorrectly)
This guy can’t stop a girl. He touches her from behind, walks with her, tries to grab her, or jumps too close in front of her. The girl doesn’t know what he wants and panics.
She’s thinking: Call the Police!
2) Mr Stalker (Too serious, lack of vibe)
This guy can stop a girl, compliment her and begin a conversation but it’s all way too serious. He forgets to smile, body language is stiff, and there’s no teasing or playfulness to the pick-up.
She’s thinking: Get me out of here!
3) Mr Clown (too gamey, too entertaining, too funny)
This guy has read every Pick-Up book out there. He loves his lines, his routines, his jokes and his peacocking. The girl is laughing so he thinks he’s winning.
She’s thinking: Is this guy a children’s entertainer?
4) Mr Speedy Gonzalez (Talks too quickly, gives off nervous energy)
Everything’s100milesanhour! This guy doesn’t believe that people will listen to what he’s got to say, so he says it quickly. His nervous energy is often then matched by the girl, and the interaction spins out of control.
She’s thinking: Why do I feel so agitated?
5) Mr Hairdresser (Asks too many mundane questions)
The most common mistake. This guy makes polite conversation by asking her questions: What are you up to today? Where are you from? Doing anything nice later? He’s asking her to do all the work and not displaying any of his personality.
She’s thinking: I feel like I’m being interviewed.
6) Mr Bitch (agreeing with everything, putting her on a pedestal)
This guy supplicates to her. He inflects his voice upwards, nods his head, smiles too much and says “oh cool!” after she speaks. For him, she can do no wrong. She might like him, but she’s turned off by this kiss-arse behaviour and lack of challenging.
She’s thinking: I can walk all over this one!
7) Mr Gay Best Friend (Too much comfort, no male-female polarity)
Girls love this guy. He makes them feel totally comfortable. This guy doesn’t flirt or tease, he just allows them to talk about what they want to talk about. He’s afraid of showing his intent in case he loses her.
She’s thinking: Great! A guy I can be platonic with!
8. Mr Me-Me-Me (does all the work, invests too much, talks a lot)
This guy is doing far too much talking. He doesn’t recogise when the set has hooked and never gets the girls doing the work. He’s forgotten the power of listening and silence.
She’s thinking: Why is he trying so hard?
9) Mr Premature Ejeculator (leaves an interaction early)
This guy is his own worst enemy. He blows himself out by leaving an interaction that was going fine, just to escape the social pressure. Either he can’t believe how well it’s going or he panics and departs.
She’s thinking: Why didn’t he ask for my number?
10) Mr Dodgy Closer (closes too fast or messes up the close)
This guy has forgotten that you have to open strong and close strong. He apologetically asks for her number, mumbles, or gives up at the first sign of difficulty. This guy might also go for the number too fast, before the hook point.
She’s thinking: It started off well, but now I’m not sure..
_______________________________
Take a good hard look at those Top 10 mistakes and try to honestly say which ones you make. Get a friend to film one of your approaches, or record an audio of your conversation. Even better, get on a daygame.com bootcamp and have myself and Jon pinpoint exactly where you’re making mistakes, and how you can correct them. Small changes can make massive differences.
- Tom Torero
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on February 25, 2011
So you’ve committed to going out and hitting the streets. You’ve mastered the art of stopping moving girls (even the storm-trooper ones!) and making them feel comfortable to stop and vibe with you for a few minutes. They’re crossing their legs, playing with their hair and contributing more and more to the conversation by asking you questions and opening up about themselves. You feel it’s hooked, you feel she’s investing, and you’re already thinking about how to set up a date with her and seal the deal. You take out your phone and tell her it would be good to swap numbers…
Hang on gentlemen…..slow down….rewind….stop for a second. What is the purpose of this whole daygame adventure? To collect phone numbers and feel temporarily elated, only to have them flake when you follow them up? No – you’re hitting the streets to meet beautiful girls and begin an adventure with them. The phone number is just a bridge to the next interaction because you cut the first one short. It’s a common mindset when you’re learning daygame to tell yourself that girls in the day are super busy, have water-tight plans, places to go and people to see. I still find myself number closing and ending sets because I think she needs to get somewhere or because I’m just so excited by how well the interaction went and I don’t want to ruin it.
But you’ve popped the bubble. You’ve brought the mini-adventure to a close in the hope that you can rekindle the magic and reconstruct the bubble another time when you meet for drinks and try to escalate things. Like a lot of things in daygame, the real truth is counter-intuitive. From much in-field experience I’ve seen that by not bursting that adventure bubble, and carrying it on in another location, you’re massively increasing your chances of getting that girl to sleep with you. I’m not saying that short, 2-3 minute number closes don’t ever lead to lays (shorter ones are actually good too, as it leaves her with that enigmatic Hollywood moment), but I’m suggesting that if you’re getting lots of dead ends from phone numbers, you need to keep the bubble going.
The bubble starts when she hooks and the vibing flows. You can be on the busiest shopping street, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of shoppers, yet talking to each other like you would with someone on a long train journey. That’s the bubble, where the outside world blurs and you’re living in the moment. She feels the thrill just like you, as she’s read about this moment and seen it in films, but probably never experienced it on the street. Perhaps you move her slightly to the other side of the pavement as a mini-bounce, which enhances the “our world” bubble effect.
To carry on the bubble adventure and massively eliminate flakes, it’s time to ask her for a quick coffee. Taking a stranger off the street into a nearby café is still an exciting feeling for me, and the girl will feel it tenfold. It’s another level of adventure from just been stopped…she’s now complying to a “spontaneous” idea. Girls love that idea of serendipity, luck, fate or destiny. It’s what Romantic Comedies are all about.
After 5-10 minutes of solid street vibing, when you feel she’s comfortable, say to her something along the lines of: “Look, I’m just going to grab a quick coffee before meeting my friends, how about that, it will only take 10 minutes?” I start walking in the direction of the nearest coffee shop and 9 times out of 10 she’ll agree and follow. Immediately the bubble intensifies and the adventure shifts up a gear. You’re no longer strangers, but two people getting to know each other that trust each other and have a plan.
Find the nearest coffee shop (or pub if it’s later) and confidently order your drink. It’s a good chance to show her your leading mentality. Maybe vibe happily with the café staff, make them smile, gently tease the girl about ordering anything but champagne. Don’t be afraid to buy the coffee for her too – this is not a nightclub and this has never happened to her before. Confidently find two quiet seats (next to each other on a sofa is ideal) and sit down.I always check the time, and remind her that I can’t stay long and am waiting for my friends to call. It reassures her even more that she’s not trapped or going to be bored by chumpy conversation.
So, the important bit….what do you talk about? The Golden Rule is that you talk about HER. I would say 80% comfort building about her, and 20% about you or escalation. You don’t want to know the superficial “hairdresser chat” stuff, you want it all to be about feelings and emotions:
• • •
What does she love most about London? How was it growing up in her country and moving away? What’s her passion / focus / dream, and why?
It’s not an interview, so as usual in daygame, you’ve got to make statements about her and yourself in between the questions. Maybe do some mini cold-reading about her, like guessing she’s well travelled because she seems so open-minded and spontaneous, or that she seems very down-to-earth and creative. Relate what she says to yourself, but don’t brag or go on for too long about your own life. I occasionally spike the conversation up with teases or flirty banter (e.g. that we should go to Vegas and get married and divorced, or that we’d never get along because she likes cats) but keep reminding yourself that you’re not the performing monkey or night-game entertainer. I make sure that I don’t just blindly agree with everything she says, but find a point to challenge her on (e.g. if she suggests London is unfriendly, or that she doesn’t like classical music) and bring her round to my way of thinking. That breaking of rapport shows her that you’re not just an average guy pandering to her every suggestion, but that you’re a real man who thinks for himself and doesn’t always compromise his mindset.
After 20-30 minutes I cut it short and say I’ve got to go, after exchanging numbers of course and planning when we’re going to meet next. After an instant date the connection is so solid and the bubble is so strong, that it would be weird for her NOT to swap numbers and see you again. Even better, if your logistics are right and you’ve had some experience with daygame, you might want to continue the adventure there and then and go for a bounce-back to yours, but that’s a different skill for another time. But never continue the interaction out of neediness, and because you just want to “hang out” for longer with her to do what she’s doing at that moment. Either you cut it short after the coffee and set up something for another time when you can escalate, or go for it there and then and take her back to yours for a full close. Anything else is needy.
The instant date – an adventure bubble that solidifies your daygame and stops those numbers flaking.
Always suggest it in sets after those 5-10 minutes, as even if she says no it will make the number close much more plausible (“well, we’ll delay that coffee for another time, let’s swap numbers and do it when we’re not busy”). Go forth and try it….you’ll be surprised at how it takes your daygame to another level and intensifies that adventurous feeling. Let me know how it goes (over a coffee, if you’ve got 10 minutes!).
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on July 13, 2010
Something that has recently dawned upon me is that a lot of guys think that the end goal of an interaction should be to get a girls phone number. Any guy who’s made a habit of going out and approaching girls, and done it for long enough, is sure to know that getting a girls digits is no guarantee of anything. It doesn’t even guarantee that you will ever speak to her again, let alone go on a date with her.
This can be surprising (and confusing) at first when you are not use to it, but trust me, it happens to nearly everyone when they start to get more and more successful with the approach. Needless to say, I have had my fair share of flakes.
So for my next few articles, I’ve decided to focus on getting solid numbers, following-up and arranging first dates. But first things first, how do we go about getting a girls phone number?
You’d be amazed at how quickly and easily some guys can get a girls phone number.
Adam Lyons once pointed out to me that you could quite easily walk up to any girl and get her number within seconds.
- How you ask!?
Here’s the magic line, “Hey excuse me I’ve been having some problems with the reception on my phone, and I’m waiting for a really important phone call. Could you do me a massive favour, and ring my phone, just so I know that I’ve got reception” – you give her your number, she calls your phone, and POW (as Sasha would say) you’ve got her number.
- Magic Line!?
Feel free to go out and get as many numbers as you want using that line. I’m sure your “number-close-rate” would be astonishing. But good luck getting any of those girls to ever meet up with you again.
Adam told me this trick to show me that numbers count for absolutely nothing. If you are one of those guys who judges their success solely on the sheer volume of numbers that you can get, then you will soon learn the grim reality that is that a girl will willingly hand over her phone number, and never respond to a single one of your texts or calls.
There are many reasons as to why a girl would do this. They may consider it to be the most gentle way of letting you down. They may initially believe that they will meet up with you, only to later think about it too much, and for what ever reason decide it’s not such a good idea.
The key to converting numbers to dates lies in the initial interaction.
You should only ever willingly end an interaction when you’re certain that the girl will want to reply to your texts, pick up the phone when you’re calling or meet up with you.
Some guys in the community put far too much emphasis on text game, saying that you when you text a girl, you need to create an intense intrigue. Girls are curious creatures, and any time they are left in the dark about something, they will do almost anything they can to find out more. But the fact that guys are having to put in all this effort over the phone, simply shows that their initial interactions weren’t strong enough.
If you can lay the right foundations within the initial interaction, there really is no need for amazing follow-up game. In an ideal scenario, all that follow-up game should be used for is sorting out logistics. Think about it, 200 years ago guys were able to pick-up chicks without phones, so why can’t we do it today? Back in the day, they’d set a time and a place, and the girl would be there. Obviously in this day and age, I would always get a girls phone number, but the point I’m trying to make is that unless you are exceptionally bad on the phone, or sending some very inappropriate texts, the root of your problem is likely to be that you’re not connecting with the girl in the interaction.
Having a deep connection with a girl is vital, as it will set you apart from everyone else she interacts with. Hot girls have an overwhelming amount of guys approaching them every single day; and whilst you might be the first to do so in the daytime, if you’re failing to connect with her, you are no different to the hundreds of random dudes she met last night in a club.
Connection is a topic which we discuss in depth with Gambler, where he tells of how to gain an insight into girls character traits, emotions and motivations in order to form a bond with her, rather than just relating things to your own experience, which is what 99% of people do!
I seriously recommend that anyone who is failing to convert numbers to dates, listens to this podcast again, and really take on board what Gambler is talking about, as it is the key to getting solid numbers.
Another way to immediately establish comfort and develop a connection with a girl is to go on an instant date. Even if you’ve just gone to grab a coffee together, a girl will perceive you as much more credible, than if you were to just take her digits on the street.
If you’re unable to go for an instant date, then its important to arrange something for you to do together in the initial interaction. Doing this makes going for the number much smoother, as it provides justification for getting it; it also means you don’t have to do so much work over the phone, as well as making the close much more solid as you’ve got something specific that you’re doing together. Mark wrote a fantastic article about future projection; painting a picture of the date by placing emphasis on the scenario rather than the girl. This makes it seem far more romantic, and she will be left thinking of you, and what you’re going to do together.
Knowing how to get a girls phone number is all well and good, but don’t rest on your laurels; do as much as you can to cement the close. As well as getting her number, give her yours, add her on facebook. That way, whenever she scrolls through her phonebook, or goes on her computer she’ll be reminded of you.
When guys are starting out, as soon as they get a girls number, they think ‘mission accomplished’ and eject immediately, running off into the distance and over the horizon with their phone clutched in their hands as if it were a trophy. Unless you’re in some mad, crazy rush, your best best is to stay chatting to the girl for a few minutes after you’ve got her number. If you leave as soon as you get it, it seems as though that was all you were aiming to do.
I want to talk briefly about getting resistance when going for the number. I’m sure this causes a lot of guys to eject, when they could have easily gotten the number (if only they knew!) There are a few different reasons why a girl will be reluctant to give out her number:
Firstly, some girls just like to challenge guys. They don’t want to feel like a slut who would give out their number to just anyone, so they feel that anyone who gets their number, should have had to work for it a little. In this case, when you go for the number, girls will seem contemplative as to whether or not its such a good idea to give it to you. All that you have to do is show a little persistence by down playing the number as you go for it.
If you’ve had a great interaction with a girl, and she’s still not willing to give you her number, remember – she’s not willing to give it you yet.
In our podcast with Tom, we talk about how emotions are just fleeting states of mind, so one minute a girl might not give you her number, then a minute later she will. My advice here would be to divert the conversation away from exchanging numbers, and instead work something into the conversation that you can do together, then as you both agree on the date, ask, “so what’s the best way of staying in touch?”
Perseverance is what is going to get you through this type of resistance. However you don’t want to be seen as hostile towards anything else a girl has to offer. Admittedly, getting anything less than a number is not ideal, but if you ask a girl for her number, and she offers you her facebook/email, you have to initially accept it, and then progress towards the phone number. Guys that reject a girls offer of facebook/email will often alienate her, as they are seen as punishing her for her compliance. So take anything you’re offered, and move forward, down-playing the number/date.
If a girl offers to take your number, instead of giving you hers, it’s unlikely that she will ever get back to you. Again, reinforce her compliance by taking her phone and entering your number; then with her phone in your hand, call your own phone, so that you have her number too. This is very cheeky, and again demonstrates your playful persistence.
The final hurdle that guys face in regards to how to get a girls phone number, and something that I often get asked about, is what to do when a girl mentions a boyfriend. To a lot of guys, any mention of a boyfriend whatsoever is a conversational-dead end, and results in them giving up there and then. Believe it or not, even with my superpowers of daygame, I’m a moral man, and I don’t condone pursuing a girl that’s in a relationship. However something that I have learned is that this is often just another way in which girls test guys.
But fear not, moralistic daygamer, there is a more noble way of bypassing the boyfriend card. This is something which I have to give credit to Paul Janka for, and he calls it a ‘month indicator’:
“This is London/(insert relevant city), things happen, things change.. I’ll tell you what, I’ll take your number down, but I’m only going to send you one text… in 3-months time. If somehow you’re single, maybe we’ll hang out. If not, I’ll be happy for you, and we’ve lost nothing.” – If you do something like this, do not text them within the time period which you agreed upon. Put a reminder on your phone, or a note on your calendar, and stick to your word. Once you know how to get a girls phone number, properly, you’re free to advance to the realms of the first date.
Hope this helps,
Andy
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on June 25, 2010
You can apply the tips in this article throughout every aspect of your life, but I want to make this relevant to how to talk to girls.
I don’t know why, but this was one of the biggest sticking points that I had to deal with when I got into game. During a one-on-one I had with Adam Lyons many years ago, the first thing that he told me was that I needed to slow down how fast I talked, and it’s been something that I’ve been working on ever since.
The biggest shift in my success, came when I realised that when you approach a girl, YOU SHOULD BE IN NO RUSH TO SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. Blurting out your opener is definitely not the way to attract women. But if you know how to talk to girls, you stay composed, and deliver your opener in the correct way, you’ll be amazed at how much the entire interaction changes. Firstly the girl will respond a lot better to it, and secondly you’ll actually feel a lot calmer and more confident by doing it.
So when you open, just start talking SLOWLY.
If the girl begins to walk off, do not speed up what you are saying in the hope that you are going to convince her to stop. Remember that your VALUE dictates whether or not girls will want to stop and talk to you; rather than what you’re actually saying. So if a girl does start to walk off as you’re opening, CARRY ON talking at exactly the same pace as before.
Why is talking quickly such a bad thing?
Talking too fast communicates that you are the kind of person that expects people to ignore you. So never rush what you need to say!
Instead you can inject pauses between words, which will build anticipation and intrigue, so that you keep a girl interested in what you’re saying. If you watch interviews with high value people, notice how in their response to a question, they usually pause for a moment or two, with a contemplative expression on their face, resulting in a much more powerful response.
If there’s a pause in the conversation, practice NOT filling it, and EXPECTING her to. You’ll be amazed at how girls will put in the work, as long as you looked relaxed, as if you expect her to.
In regards to voice tone, when you talk, you want to make a habit of keeping your voice tone down to your chest area. This is very important as it communicates extremely high value and will attract women. Rather than saying “I like you – is that ok?”, and SEEKING HER APPROVAL, you’re sub-communicating “I like you, and I don’t give a fuck what you think of that.”
So for the next few approaches you do, really focus on communicating high value in the way you talk.
Andy
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on June 9, 2010
I hear so many people tell me “I’ve tried the direct approach before, but the girls just told me straight away that they had a boyfriend”.
When I first started doing direct game, I got exactly the same response. The only difference is that I didn’t give up. I hated using opinion openers and going to clubs, but somehow I knew that the best way to approach a girl in the daytime was to go direct, so I made a firm decision that DIRECT STREET GAME was what I wanted to do. So I put on my seatbelt, and rode it out till the bitter end.
If you haven’t quite clicked with approaching yet, forget about any negative experiences you’ve had because you were just doing it wrong.
When guys approach a girl indirectly on the street (asking for directions, or a female opinion), they are HIDING their true intentions due to their fear of the girls response. However due to all that you are sub-communicating, girls will instinctively be aware of your agenda when you approach. Because girls secretly know why guys approach them, any guy who chooses to go indirect is seen as weak, because they are afraid of truly expressing themselves. On top of this, they are seen as manipulative, as they are masking their intentions in order to win her over. In reality, in the cultures we live in, hiding your intentions is the norm. We’ve been conditioned into polite, well-mannered men, who hide our genuine, romantic intentions, in order to maintain this gentlemanly mystique. To quote the book Radical Honesty, “We’re a nation full of liars”. But because everyone does this, it’s easy to separate yourself from your everyday average joe: Guess how – By Going Direct!
The reason that guys don’t tend to learn this on their own is because whilst we as men have been conditioned into gentlemen, women have simultaneously been conditioned into ladies. When we are overly polite, well-mannered and nice in our approach to women, this tone is usually reciprocated by the girl – thus reinforcing the behavior. We are progressively encouraged to adopt this sort of behavior, when it’s doing us no favours at all with women.
Guys can be inclined to go indirect, because they fear the ‘aftermath’ of going direct. But I promise you now, man to man, daygamer to daygamer – getting blown out from a direct approach feels a million times better than having a ton of indirect approaches going nowhere.
Whenever you go indirect and you fail to transition to anything, you will always be left with the somber feeling of “What it?” However if you go direct, you know that there is nothing else that you could have done – basically direct game is good for the soul.
This Is How Girls Want To Be Approached!
This is the stuff movies are made of. Every girl I’ve ever been with who I met using this approach, has told me they LOVED it, as it had never happened to them before.
Despite what you’ve heard GIRLS DO NOT GET APPROACHED LIKE THIS. Sure, guys try to ‘strike up conversation’ with hot girls occasionally. But next to NOONE goes straight up and does what I do.
The reason that this is the best way to approach a girl is simply because you’re being YOURSELF from the moment you met the girl. You’re not hiding behind any scripted stuff, you’re just putting your personality out there on the line. The ultimate goal of game should be to find the girl/girls that are right for you – the ones that love the kind of person you are. Going direct is the only way to truly be yourself when going about doing this.
Somewhere out there on the streets there is your perfect 10. I don’t just mean
physically, I mean the one who will totally LOVE you. The one who will totally love everything about you. She’s out there man, and every second you spend sitting at your computer and not out on the street is one less second you could be spending with the girl of your dreams. Just go out there, be yourself from the start and you’re going to find her sooner than you think 
If you found this article helpful, check out Mark’s article “Get Her Attention With Expression, Not Impression“, where he talks about following your intentions and why you should act in order to honestly express yourself.
- Andy
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on November 18, 2009
Grrr I’m angry. So many sticking points in game can be solved just by nurturing this freedom of expression within you. I don’t like seeing people fed up and stifled when I know most of the time it’s because their inclination to impress outweighs their inclination to express.
Too many guys try to impress girls – who can smell their desperation from a mile off. This is not how to get her attention in a high value way.
I’ve been in the community for over 2 years and have tried and experimented with many different techniques/mindsets. Recently I’ve been going out with the sole intention to just express myself, with nothing else running through my mind. This, in case you’re wondering, is the essence of a natural.
Here’s what it does for me
I have no anxiety because I have no expectation.
I know that I can only give value and not take value because I am only expressing… and again because I have no expectation of her.
I feel free and liberated because I do not keep thoughts and desires suppressed.
I feel happy because I am frequently exchanging positive vibes with strangers.
I become better at “outer game” because I am constantly confronted with new situations/personalities to address, and constantly happen upon new conversation threads so that I never run out of things to say in any one set. Also, I emit a relaxed and non-needy vibe… girls can sense this. I can get away with saying anything because there is no outcome (impression) attached.
I maintain a buzzing confidence and sense of worthiness – “state” – because merely the act of offering my personality to strangers feeds back into my ego – “I am enough”
I get more numbers, kisses, sexes etc. I get more results because I WANT more results and I EXPRESS this in the way I lead the interaction. LEADING IS AN ACT OF EXPRESSION.
There is no distinction between your normal self and your game self. Expression binds the two together. For example, I’m sitting with the family at dinner and a nice waitress comes along. I flirt, I tell her that she’s cute, and I get her number in private after the meal. There is no sarging per se.
So..
To really get her attention you need to start freely expressing yourself. Nothing in game is a big deal when you’ve ingrained the habit of expressing yourself freely. Amongst my friends, the guy who expresses himself most freely is the Yad – and he gets crazy amounts of attraction, and numbers, and coincidentally is a refreshing guy to hang out with. You know where you stand with a man who isn’t inhibited in expressing himself – whether that be expressing his insecurities, his happiness, or his thoughts. On the other hand, a guy who on perhaps a subconscious level is constantly monitoring his image and is trying to impress – you don’t know where he stands, and it’s annoying.
One might ask – “What if I’m a little bitch, I don’t really want to express that do I?” I’d answer – No, you’ve gotta first look at yourself and start thinking more positively. If need be then “fake it till you make it” – act happy if you’re not, act confident if you’re not, and the positive responses you will receive will feed right back into your self-image. With enough of this real, practical feedback, your brain will re-wire itself such that it will seek positive responses as a form of ego validation. I believe that ego validation is at first required to access core self-esteem. So, you continue acting happy and confident, and continue getting positive responses from girls to use as reference points. Reference points are required before opening up your beliefs to change – you cannot change your beliefs by reading a book. Eventually happiness and confidence becomes your default state. I hope this helped in understanding the powerful idea behind “fake it till you make it”
The world is a light place, and every time you express yourself positively to someone you are lightening the tension in your own body, and brightening up the life of another person – if only in small increments. I believe that contribution to this world comes not only in having a job, creating a product, and paying taxes, but also in affecting people positively with your being.
So next time you go out on the train, in the shop, at school etc. – get her attention by engaging her with the mindset of total freedom of expression. Perhaps first start with loosening up your body language because as we all know physiology affects psychology. Relax, smile, and drink in the energy of your environment, then turn to the cute girl on your right and open your mouth.
If you have any comments on this article “Get Her Attention With Expression, Not Impression”, please leave them below!
- Mark Mowgli
Posted in Articles, Outer Game, What To Say on November 18, 2009
With more and more guys following our advice and getting success with approaching, we’re now getting asked about how to get a girl to date you. If any of you guys are having problems with flakes, I’d recommend you try this.
Future projection is basically the act of “painting a picture” for the girl of a future scenario you two might participate in. It usually makes up the difference between a good close and a SOLID close.
Essentially, I use future projection to ESCALATE the relationship with a girl. In describing a future scenario you are assuming that your relationship together will continue outside of the confines of the club/bar/street. And because you describe it in an attractive, seductive and/or romantic manner the girl will want to be part of that. It’s almost like you’re presenting a fairytale here, or a fantasy, and she gets the opportunity to step into the shoes of the main character.
Also, getting her to contribute towards painting the picture is great because it becomes a co-creation, which she takes responsibility for… so naturally she’ll want to fulfill it together!
I’ll illustrate how to get a girl to date you using future projection with a few examples..
First case is with a Norwegian girl I hooked up with a while back. We’re in a bar, and I’m on my way out when she walks past me. I stop her with a remark about her eyes, we get chatting. I have a good sexual vibe about me. I sit her down and we talk for a while, the content of which was irrelevant since I was being sexually-direct with my body language/behaviour which superceded the conversation. Soon enough, before the kiss or after I can’t remember, I say something to the effect of “Imagine if we had a room to ourselves right now… and a big king size bed with silk white covers. Imagine what we’d do to each other! The hot air of a balmy summer evening caressing the curtains as it flows into the room. The sounds of a jazz bar outside quietly ringing around us. The heavy breathing…” You can see where I’m going with this. Within a minute it went like “I have a hotel room (her)”, “Cool I’m done with this place let’s go there”, “Ok!”.
This single act achieved so much. Basically, it put her in the right headspace. No longer was she in a bar, she was in her hotel room bed with me. In describing this scene, I am getting her subconscious to agree that this is a cool and desirable scene to be in. It also demonstrates that I am a romantic man, and that I am in tune with her emotions – describing the sounds, the feelings, the taste etc. It also demonstrates leading qualities since I am in control of the scene. I am leading her through the story.
The key to getting a girl to go on a date with you is to place emphasis on the scenario rather than the girl as this makes it seem more romantic. Really think about this. When you are expressing your desires for the girl you are making her out to be a sexual object, which is fine, but it might make her too self-conscious. However, when you are expressing your desires for a scenario you are prioritising the adventure… which is much more appealing to a girl’s logic.
In the second case I’d just pulled a right lil Peruvian hottie (extracted but no fuck coz she had a train to catch) and she was headed home to catch a flight to America that morning (for a month, then back in London). In the course of our banter we mentioned going to Paris. After we’d departed ways I called her as she was headed from the bus back home, and I started describing our adventures in Paris (bear in mind I know little about Paris)… “We’ll skip the streets together hand in hand… then we’ll find a nice bratisserie and order croissants and gaze into each others’ eyes from across the little white table… I’ll take you to the top of the steps at the Sacre Coure and from within my arms you’ll watch over the whole of Paris as the sun goes down… then at night we’ll take a bottle of wine down to the lawn under the Eiffle Tower and watch it shimmer against the star-lit sky… we’ll kiss tenderly and then passionately as we give up restraining our desire for one another… I’ll take you in my arms to our room and lay you down onto the bed…”. I could hear her melt over the phone. Every time I paused she let out a little “ohhh” type whimper. The effect this all achieved aside from immediate sexual state was those love attachment feelings, since I just matured our relationship massively in the space of a few minutes describing a scenario which hasn’t even happened yet, and may never happen. When she added me on Facebook the next day I saw she’d written that she’d fell in love last night…
This is very powerful shit guys, and by using it you will have the power to get a girl on a date with you – and generally have much more adventurous dates, than you would have had otherwise. Future projection is not a solution in itself but rather an avenue from which to better EXPRESS yourself which you may not have considered much previously. The effect it has is to rouse deep passionate desires in a girl because it’s tapping into her sexual/romantic fantasies, just like a descriptive erotic novel would do. Or you could use it just to set up a date “Yea we’ll dance in the rain along the cobbled stones of Covent Garden then I’ll take your hand and lead you under shelter by the neon signs of a café shimmering as reflection in the puddles by our feet… then I’ll shove you against a lamp-post and kiss you hard”. The key being you can’t be a boring logical date-chode if you do paint such an adventurous picture for the date, else it’d just be plain underwhelming. Instead play on the idea.. (on the date) “there’s no rain so I’ll have to wet you myself” *takes water bottle and squirts her in the face*.
Next time after you’ve just met a girl and you mention “going for coffee”, “showing her the sights”, etc, launch into a fun/sexual/romantic description of how the date is going to go down and you’ll find she’ll be a lot more interested than your average number close
If you have any comments on this article “Get A Girl To Date You Using Future Projection, please leave them below!
- Mark Mowgli
