The Blog
Posted in Random on January 31, 2012
An excellent article in today’s London Evening Standard on the elusive quality of charm, that every daygamer should strive to have buckets of:
Charm? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, it is “any quality, attribute, trait, feature, etc, which exerts a fascinating or attractive influence, exciting love or admiration”.
According to Albert Camus it is “a way of getting the answer yes without having asked a clear question” – which may explain why we usually use the term wryly, or sarcastically these days. Think “charm the pants off”, or “charm offensive”.
“Charming!” we say, when some knucklehead pushes in front of us on the Tube, or when the front-of-house staff sit us by the loo and tell us they’ll need the table back in 45 minutes.
A world of automated announcements, self-service checkouts and identikit restaurant chains can often seem a charmless one – but that only makes charm a more valuable commodity. It would appear that, on the social stock exchange, charm is soaring in 2012.
Look at the Oscars. The Artist and Hugo, the films with the most nominations, are nothing if not charming. The favourite for best actor is George Clooney for his turn in The Descendants, charm personified. We’ve The Great Gatsby, from more debonair age, to look forward to. Closer to home, Jessica Raine in the new BBC series Call the Midwife, set in the wonderfully civil 1950s, is enchanting the nation. Fashionwise, the spring/summer collections are full of light-hearted pastels and girlish frills, a move away from grown-up sexiness towards a giggling Jules et Jim vibe.
The latest issue of Monocle magazine is devoted to charm, which it calls “the new buzzword for 2012 and beyond”, saying it’s the small touches that make the difference. (Japan, incidentally, is supposedly the most charming country in the world, while the premises of London creative agency Pentagram are identified as the most charming office in the world.)
This is the high end of charm – and yet, charm is not class- or money-bound. We can equally be charmed by an NHS nurse or a shop assistant. In this week’s New Yorker, there is a fascinating seven-page profile of an unglamorous bartender named Bob Bozic, simply because he spins a good yarn. He is charming, in other words.
In London, the venues we want to go to are increasingly not prestige places but those that make us feel welcome. That’s the driving force behind the secret restaurant craze. At Duck Soup in Soho they have a record player and a bring-your-own vinyl policy. Like all of Russell Norman’s restaurants, Mishkin’s is intensely charming, all dinky plates and old-time hospitality. Charm is why cheery Gaby’s Deli on St Martin’s Lane has a campaign to save it – while Little Chef does not.
I ask one of the most charming people I know, Paddy Renouf, to define the elusive quality. He has made a business of his charm, as a sort of professional flâneur and host. “It’s the magic dust that you sprinkle on things,” he says. “It can seem superficial, but it’s got to be sincere otherwise it isn’t charm, it’s smarm. There is nothing less charming than being charmed.”
In other words, you cannot fake it. Nor can you measure or commodify charm – much as many corporations would like to (“have you guys ever eaten at Wagamama’s before?”). Real charm does not come from grandiose gestures, either, or from overwhelming the recipient. It comes from generosity of spirit, from listening and responding openly and graciously. Paddy quotes the Swiss philosopher, Henri-Frédéric Amiel: “Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.”
And when applied properly, it increases the sum of happiness. A report from the Young Foundation last year found that civility is more important than crime statistics in measuring day-to-day wellbeing. Our interactions matter. And even better than that – charm is contagious.
Posted in Stories on January 22, 2012
Definition: an attractive girl covering up her beauty either to avoid attention or for practical reasons (Tom Torero)
When I chased after and stopped the Hungarian model that I’m seeing at the moment, one cold, dark bootcamp in December, the students and I had little idea of what was underneath her multi-layered “disguise”….a fur hood of a long coat pulled up around her face, ear phones in, head down and texting, walking super fast. Only her height, feminine walk and heels gave it away.
After dating her, I discovered that this eskimo look was not just to keep out the cold. She told me it was also a way of avoiding “chat-up” attempts that come thick and fast if she uncovers too much…wolf whistles, monkey noises, stares, “you so hot baby, gimme number darling” comments.
As a model she says that she, like other models, make a conscious decision to “hide” her beauty. Here’s how she looks underneath the disguise…
Ironically, however, this gives the daygame direct stop even more power than normal as they are so blown away by the boldness and confidence shown if a man bypasses these “no” signals and pulls off a calm conversation. She wasn’t easy to hook, but once she saw that I meant business (by using John’s technique of holding their hand) she became like a little kitten.
Another form of a Hidden Hottie is an attractive girl who is not showing her beauty because of the clothes she’s wearing for a practical purpose: a tourist, a waitress etc. I remember a French girl I stopped in Trafalgar Square who was wearing a rain coat, wellies and a rucksack. I could see she had a pretty face, but it was only in the cafe on the instant date when I realised that she was a stunning ballet dancer with a body to die for.
So, the moral of the story? In the daytime you sometimes have to look more closely than you would in a club for beauty. You can be pleasantly surprised!
- Tom Torero
Posted in News on December 31, 2011
Some seriously geeky number crunching has produced some seriously interesting revelations about my dating life this year.
There’s not time or space to reveal it all here (we’re doing a 2-day seminar using it in early 2012) but I thought I’d give you some highlights:
In 2011 I’ve been on 103 dates (not including instant-dates). I’ve slept with 41 girls, giving me a date-lay conversion of 40%. I’ve collected 482 contact details, giving me a #close-lay conversion of around 9%. That’s a healthy number for cold approaching.
What’s interesting is that they’re roughly the same stats for me as last year. But the nice difference is that this year’s girls were hotter and looked “harder” to close…an air hostess, a model, a stripper, a posh Chelsea girl. What this proves is that we should be opening the hottest girls possible, as the probability of dating/closing them is the same as if you #close a lower quality of girls. You just need to #close the same volume.
Many guys email me about my stopping – #close conversion. That’s less fixed, as it’s down to vibe. Some days I can close 4 girls in a row, sometimes it’s none out of 4. Energy, sleep, diet, mindset and random variables related to the girl all come into play. It’s the same with the #close – reply to text conversion, that’s mostly based on how good the set went, which in turn depends on the above variables.
In 2012 start tracking your own data if you’re a geek like me, and let me know your results, I’d love to add them to a daygame database. Respect to the nerds.
Here’s to an awesome year ahead!
- Tom Torero
Posted in Random on December 29, 2011
John and Tom out fishing in Oslo
How do you run a two-set? That’s a very common question guys have each week on the bootcamp, and something that we go through in detail. We might do a whole podcast on it in future, but I thought I’d go through something here which John and I are big fans of and which has been very (re)productive!
If you do daygame with a good mate or a trusted wing, then there’s no reason why you can’t stop two girls together and then instant date them, take them to a club or straight home. It’s something we’ve done many times and which can really be successful, especially in the evenings when your aim is to go on a date with them there and then. Here’s how it works…
1. One of you stops them (Yad stop) and delivers the normal compliment and statements. John and I only open two girls that are both good looking, so the compliment is aimed at both of them (“I think you both look really nice”). If only one is hot, then deliver the compliment to her but make the statements through the friend (“Your friend looks so Swedish, like she’s just come out of the forest”) to keep her occupied.
2. The second person (who has been waiting unseen) comes in after he sees that the compliment / statement has been delivered. The person who opened the set is the one who controls it, and should by now be standing next to the girl he likes from the pair. Say something like: “There you are…I leave you for one minute and you’re talking to girls!” as you come in.
3. Let the person running the set continue leading it until a hook has been reached, then your job is to help him out, and slowly split the conversation so that you’re talking to the other girl while he talks to his. You’ve now created two one-on-one sets.
4. From time to time, check in with your friend and merge conversations if needs be. Remember he’s running the set, so if you see him going for a number close then your job is to occupy the other girl while he does that. It’s his job to suggest the bounce if things are on, and then you help him out.
5. It’s easier than you think to get two girls to come for a drink, there and then. There’s less pressure on the girls than in a one-on-one set, as she’s with her friend and she can see that you’re a normal guy with your mate too.
6. Once they’re on an instant date with you, establish logistics fast and discuss with your buddy what the plan is while you’re standing at the bar or in the gents. Remember wing rules – whoever opened runs it, so don’t swap girls without checking it’s cool.
A little tip for the person opening the set and making statements…use contrasts between the two girls to spark attraction….observe how one is tall and one is short, one is blonde and one is brunette, one is chatty and one is not etc.
Hope that helps. Go forth and daygame, two-by-two!
- Tom Torero
Posted in News on December 26, 2011
Hey guys,
If you haven’t see it yet, make sure you click here to watch Andy’s featured talk at the 21 Convention London.
Andy tells his personal story with his batter with fear, and how he cam to learn how to conquer it. Definitely worth a watch when you get some spare time this Christmas!
Posted in Random on December 22, 2011
Saw this just now and made me smile. It’s one of the beautiful things about daygame that by transcending “social norms,” the urban life is transformed and magical effects happen. Any daygame outing can light up people’s faces, be full of crazy adventures, and spread much-needed positivity and spontaneity around our concrete jungles. Go out and find the amazing everyday.
- Tom Torero
Posted in Random on December 16, 2011
Got a call from my good friend Rob (Beckster) to go for a beer with him and his girlfriend tonight, south of the river. As one of the world’s best night game pick-up artists (who games with Mystery, Style, Ross Jeffries) he’s always trying to seduce me over to his side of the fence with his vast treasure trove of routines, dance floor moves and same-day-lay sexual qualifications. If it’s strippers and threesomes or moresomes you want, then Rob’s your man. The “quiet beer” turned into a crazy night of him sending me into pub sets where I ran my usual daygame structure, just with higher energy and a more cocky vibe. It worked a treat, especially combining it with some dancefloor stuff and fast escalation.
The danger of daygame can be that you spend so much time in comfort that you lose the raw mojo of escalating, so adding a bit of pub game (in environments where you can talk and run your usual daygame structure) will sharpen you up no end . Am I converting to night game….no, but am I amazed by Rob’s super persuasive powers…yes!
- Tom Torero
Posted in News on December 12, 2011
Kiss-close caught on film
It’s been a right Russian couple of days with daygame. From the beginning I’ve found that my style of game is well-suited to Russian women. They enjoy the bluntness of direct street compliments and a clear intention, but then rate highly good conversation and a series of dates. I’ve found them to be quite dreamy and esoterical, coupled with a strong determined vibe that can be quite materialistic. I know you can’t generalise, but the Russian girls I have dated and slept with have all had this unique blend of intellectual but superficial. And they’re hot – very hot.
Yesterday I managed to film a seduction bubble and kiss-close with a smoking Russian I’ve been seeing for a while, for the forthcoming dating product. I stayed at hers later and reaped the rewards of a string of dates with her. On the weekend I instant dated two Russians within half an hour of each other, and then went on a date with one tonight who I had number closed months ago in a shopping centre. I love their conversation, their wide-eyed driven personalities and creative flair. And their accents, thick and powerful like a good espresso.
In March 2012 I’m going to Moscow for three weeks to indulge….let’s see if Yad’s lavish recommendations live up to what I’m imagining!
- Tom Torero
Posted in Stories on December 7, 2011
External Interrupt: An abrupt change in the internal dynamics of a set, often caused by someone else’s arrival
It can happen to all of us, not just in a bar or club but during street daygame too. You’re happily bantering with a girl you’ve just stopped when from out of the blue appears her friend (or friends!). Even harsher, you’re on an instant date or a day2 when her phone goes off and it’s her friend saying she’s on her way and will come and join you.
Do you: a) get annoyed and go for a hasty close / getaway? b) stick in there and pretend nothing’s happened, ploughing on with the girl but ignoring the interruption? c) embrace the new dynamics and use them to your advantage?
It’s so tempting to end up going for a) or b), which is what I’ve often done, especially if the “interrupt” looks like hard work or there’s more than one. But in the last few weeks I’ve had quite a few interruptions which I’ve decided to embrace and bring them on board, turning a normal set into a grand set where I’ve had more chance to display my sociability and value, making the number stronger.
Last week I stopped a Latvian girl in Piccadilly Circus and the set was going well. Low and behold, after 5 minutes, her two friends came to join her from inside a store. Now, the golden rule with interruptions is to focus your attention onto them immediately. Add some extra positivity and friendliness, and it will be impossible for them to “reject” you. By showing your social skills and calibration extend to more than just a 1-on-1 conversation, and by winning over her friends, she’ll feel even more attracted to you. Having her friends tell her to give you her number and setting you up on a date is the icing on the cake! That’s what happened with the Latvian. By the end of the set, it was like we were all old friends.
Tonight I went on an instant date with an American girl for coffee. 10 minutes into the date, her phone goes off and she invites her friend to join us. Again, I decided to win over the friend as soon as possible, actually creating an old-skool jealousy plotline and getting attraction from them both.
So, the moral of the story? Embrace the interruptions, whatever they may be. Use them to your advantage, to display even more of your warm positive win-win vibe.
- Tom Torero
Posted in Random on November 29, 2011
It’s been a crazy few weeks of going on a string of dates…not just your regular “Day2″ drinks, but with Martin our undercover daygame.com cameraman in tow for a new product.
Picture the scene. I’m sitting next to a girl I met on the street a few days before in a bar getting to know her. I’m wired up with an audio microphone, and Martin’s sitting across the room filming with a mini buttonhole camera. Inside my watch I’ve got a night-vision high def camera rolling too, and we’re recording everything. Obviously the girl’s identity will be hidden and her face blurred, but this is as close you’ll ever get of seeing our dating “model” in action.
The logistics of getting it all on film, from comfort to seduction, are not straightforward, but Martin’s doing a grand job. The product’s going to be released in early 2012 and will take guys step-by-step through what to do on dates, from the first interaction after the number close right up until the bedroom. Nothing like this has ever been done before, but in true daygame.com fashion we’re pushing the boat out for the sake of dating mastery.
So if you see me in a central London bar, my watch angled, a guy wearing his coat with buttons opposite slowly drinking, come and say hello if you’d like to be immortalised on film forever!
- Tom Torero
P.S: There’s only TWO more places left on our December bootcamps at the current price. From 2012 they’ll be going up by £200, so click here to grab them before they sell out if you’re interested!
Posted in News on November 20, 2011
Asger closing two Swedish girls today
It’s been a great few weeks of bootcamps, with the shorter days and colder weather not making a difference. We’ve had some amazing students and stories (including getting stuck in a lift today at Jon’s house) which have taken the bootcamps to the next level.
Yesterday we recorded lots of sections of the bootcamp as audio snippets….teaching, approaches, feedback, interviews, randomness. We’re going to edit them together and release them as a bootcamp podcast, so watch this space.
The guys coming on the bootcamps are getting more and more dedicated, and coming from further afield…the USA, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland, Norway. With the new wireless microphones and two days of videoing, we’ve never had it so good in being able to hear and see exactly where guys need to make tweeks to their daygame. Jamie, our ninja cameraman, keeps working wonders each week to film the infields, and even Mini has had a go holding the camera when he’s been off.
Amazing things have been happening more and more…..an instant-date on a first approach during the first day’s warmup (nice work Ashley!), three number closes of three Swedish 2-sets in a row (awesome stuff Asger!). Jon’s been on awesome form in the last few weeks too. Maybe because he’s not bringing his famous daygame sandwiches anymore but eating at the greasy spoon cafe with us!
It’s also great bumping into former bootcamp students who are out daygaming on the streets….slowly but surely we are taking over central London and leaving no beautiful woman unopened. Perhaps we’ll have to move cities and begin the revolution there too….
- Tom Torero
Click here to find out more about our bootcamps and see infield footage of students approaching during training.
Posted in Stories on November 11, 2011
By popular demand, I thought I’d share with you a typical week’s worth of numbers/responses/dates so guys get a realistic picture of what goes on. The old saying “you’ve got to be in it to win it” is certainly true, and we should never forget the probability aspect of daygame. If you want to close, you have to open.
Saturday: Taught a bootcamp with Jon in central London from 12-8pm and number closed 2 girls as demo sets. One hot Swiss girl (replied to my texts) and one Lithuanian (added me on Facebook but nothing since). Went on a date with a Slovak girl in the evening and ended up at hers.
Sunday: Second day of the bootcamp. Closed an English girl while warming up (she flaked) and then 3 girls as demos for the students. One Italian (date set up over text), one Russian (chatting on Facebook) and one French girl (replied and then vanished). Early night.
Monday: Number closed an English girl coming out of the tube. She has a boyfriend but seems keen over texts. Went out with Swiss girl from Saturday and went as far as kissing her in a bar.
Tuesday: Instant dated a French girl for coffee. Number closed her but she wrote a strange text after saying she was going back to France. Recorded podcast with Andy, Yad, Jon and Mini.
Wednesday: Number closed a Scottish girl and an Italian. Both replied but the Scottish girl seems more on. Went out with friends.
Thursday: Went on a date with the enigmatic French girl from Sunday. Drinks then back to hers for fooling around, not home base yet.
Friday: Got a possible date with the Italian, she’s not confirmed it yet….
As you can see, it’s a mishmash of numbers, flakes, dates and adventures, with a large dollop of randomness thrown in. Sure, you can perfect your skill level on the street for stopping and number closing, but there are so many variables involved regarding getting her on a date. Once she’s out with me, I feel like I’m on safe ground, but there are still things out of your control. I’ve learnt to relax about this randomness in game, as there’s always ups and downs, wins and losses. The moral of this story…..embrace fluctuations and realise that the more numbers and instant dates you get, the more things will happen. It’s basic maths!
- Tom Torero
Posted in Random on November 6, 2011
Elephant in the Room: n. metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed.
This is an underused but key concept in daygame, from helping girls hook to getting her into your bed. Time and time again when I’m teaching I remind students to “say the elephant!” to diffuse any social awkwardness and make the girl feel at ease.
Take approaching a girl sitting in a coffe shop, for example. You could just walk straight up to her and approach as normal. But you’re ignoring the extra social pressure that she feels when sitting down and having someone “invade” her space. A more calibrated daygamer would call out this elephant in the room, and mention it before he gives the compliment:
“Hey, I know you’re relaxing with your book and coffee, and that this is pretty random, but I wanted to come over quickly and say you look really nice.”
Same if she’s in a clothes shop and you open. Preframe the compliment with something that shows you recognise the social awkwardness of a guy hitting on a girl in the womens’ section of a store.
A few years ago I went to see a stand-up comedian in central London. As he walked onto the stage, the whole crowd was transfixed on only one thing…the size of his nose. It was massive, a real Pinocchio job. Smartly, the guy immediately pointed at it and encouraged people to laugh. By calling it out as soon as possible he was diffusing a potentially tough round of heckling and using it to his advantage.
I use the “elephant trick” all the time in daygame, especially when there’s added social pressure when I’m opening in cafes, shops, public transport and if the girl’s seated or waiting. By saying what I see, I’m displaying my social intelligence and removing the awkwardness. I encourage students to do it on the street, if they’re nervous or run out of things to say. By admitting it to the girl, the power is kept in the student’s hands.
I’ll also do it on dates, if I do something clumsy or know that she’s thinking about something like food between her teeth or the need to catch her bus. Even in the bedroom it works a treat if you say the “elephant” before she does….like it’s all so fast, or so random, or that you haven’t tidied up! If you don’t bring stuff like this up, she might, which could pop the bubble.
Saying the “elephant” adds realism, spontaneity and vulnerability to your daygame arsenal; key ingredients for showing that you’re not a robotic player but someone who realises that it’s ok to be human.
P.S. Click here to see new free infields of Yad and Andy approaching on the streets, elephants and all!
- Tom Torero
Posted in Stories on October 27, 2011
Australia, Austria, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, China, Czech Republic, France, Germany, Great Britain, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, Sweden, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, United States….30 down, 50 countries to go!
I know – a notches on the bedpost silly statistic, but it shows you how international daygame can be in London. As Andy says in this video, the street is the greatest venue for meeting women in the world….no bouncers, no admission, no real competition, no closing hours. You can own it, and “travel without moving!”
I get lots of emails from guys asking if daygame only works on “lost tourists or foreigners in search of fun.” Not at all. This year I have slept with five English girls who I’ve stopped on the street….a student, a posh estate agent, a footballer from Chelsea Ladies FC, a secretary and a dancer. There’s no difference – you just need to be a bit quicker off the mark in the initial stop when making assumptions, as you don’t have the topic of their contrasting country to fall back on.
A tip with English girls is to be extra creative with the dates you take them on. I don’t mean investing in terms of cocktails, swanky clubs etc. I mean do fun things that they wouldn’t have tried, even though they live here and might know London well. Find quirky coffee shops (try Joe and the Juice off Oxford Circus) or go for Bubble Tea (Soho). Ride Boris bikes in Hyde Park or climb Primrose Hill. Just avoid the standard pub / Starbucks route, or even worse, dinner and a film. Showing your passion for London is essential, as it’s so easy to fall into the typical “let’s-moan-about-London” frame. Same if you live in New York, or Sydney, or Paris. Seek out the hidden gems in your city and use them to get you and the girl in an adventure bubble, without ever leaving your city.
- Tom Torero
