Something that has recently dawned upon me is that a lot of guys think that the end goal of an interaction should be to get a girls phone number. Any guy who’s made a habit of going out and approaching girls, and done it for long enough, is sure to know that getting a girls digits is no guarantee of anything. It doesn’t even guarantee that you will ever speak to her again, let alone go on a date with her.
This can be surprising (and confusing) at first when you are not use to it, but trust me, it happens to nearly everyone when they start to get more and more successful with the approach. Needless to say, I have had my fair share of flakes.
So for my next few articles, I’ve decided to focus on getting solid numbers, following-up and arranging first dates. But first things first, how do we go about getting a girls phone number?
You’d be amazed at how quickly and easily some guys can get a girls phone number.
Adam Lyons once pointed out to me that you could quite easily walk up to any girl and get her number within seconds.
– How you ask!?
Here’s the magic line, “Hey excuse me I’ve been having some problems with the reception on my phone, and I’m waiting for a really important phone call. Could you do me a massive favour, and ring my phone, just so I know that I’ve got reception” – you give her your number, she calls your phone, and POW (as Sasha would say) you’ve got her number.
– Magic Line!?
Feel free to go out and get as many numbers as you want using that line. I’m sure your “number-close-rate” would be astonishing. But good luck getting any of those girls to ever meet up with you again.
Adam told me this trick to show me that numbers count for absolutely nothing. If you are one of those guys who judges their success solely on the sheer volume of numbers that you can get, then you will soon learn the grim reality that is that a girl will willingly hand over her phone number, and never respond to a single one of your texts or calls.
There are many reasons as to why a girl would do this. They may consider it to be the most gentle way of letting you down. They may initially believe that they will meet up with you, only to later think about it too much, and for what ever reason decide it’s not such a good idea.
The key to converting numbers to dates lies in the initial interaction.
You should only ever willingly end an interaction when you’re certain that the girl will want to reply to your texts, pick up the phone when you’re calling or meet up with you.
Some guys in the community put far too much emphasis on text game, saying that you when you text a girl, you need to create an intense intrigue. Girls are curious creatures, and any time they are left in the dark about something, they will do almost anything they can to find out more. But the fact that guys are having to put in all this effort over the phone, simply shows that their initial interactions weren’t strong enough.
If you can lay the right foundations within the initial interaction, there really is no need for amazing follow-up game. In an ideal scenario, all that follow-up game should be used for is sorting out logistics. Think about it, 200 years ago guys were able to pick-up chicks without phones, so why can’t we do it today? Back in the day, they’d set a time and a place, and the girl would be there. Obviously in this day and age, I would always get a girls phone number, but the point I’m trying to make is that unless you are exceptionally bad on the phone, or sending some very inappropriate texts, the root of your problem is likely to be that you’re not connecting with the girl in the interaction.
Having a deep connection with a girl is vital, as it will set you apart from everyone else she interacts with. Hot girls have an overwhelming amount of guys approaching them every single day; and whilst you might be the first to do so in the daytime, if you’re failing to connect with her, you are no different to the hundreds of random dudes she met last night in a club.
Connection is a topic which we discuss in depth with Gambler, where he tells of how to gain an insight into girls character traits, emotions and motivations in order to form a bond with her, rather than just relating things to your own experience, which is what 99% of people do!
I seriously recommend that anyone who is failing to convert numbers to dates, listens to this podcast again, and really take on board what Gambler is talking about, as it is the key to getting solid numbers.
Another way to immediately establish comfort and develop a connection with a girl is to go on an instant date. Even if you’ve just gone to grab a coffee together, a girl will perceive you as much more credible, than if you were to just take her digits on the street.
If you’re unable to go for an instant date, then its important to arrange something for you to do together in the initial interaction. Doing this makes going for the number much smoother, as it provides justification for getting it; it also means you don’t have to do so much work over the phone, as well as making the close much more solid as you’ve got something specific that you’re doing together. Mark wrote a fantastic article about future projection; painting a picture of the date by placing emphasis on the scenario rather than the girl. This makes it seem far more romantic, and she will be left thinking of you, and what you’re going to do together.
Knowing how to get a girls phone number is all well and good, but don’t rest on your laurels; do as much as you can to cement the close. As well as getting her number, give her yours, add her on facebook. That way, whenever she scrolls through her phonebook, or goes on her computer she’ll be reminded of you.
When guys are starting out, as soon as they get a girls number, they think ‘mission accomplished’ and eject immediately, running off into the distance and over the horizon with their phone clutched in their hands as if it were a trophy. Unless you’re in some mad, crazy rush, your best best is to stay chatting to the girl for a few minutes after you’ve got her number. If you leave as soon as you get it, it seems as though that was all you were aiming to do.
I want to talk briefly about getting resistance when going for the number. I’m sure this causes a lot of guys to eject, when they could have easily gotten the number (if only they knew!) There are a few different reasons why a girl will be reluctant to give out her number:
Firstly, some girls just like to challenge guys. They don’t want to feel like a slut who would give out their number to just anyone, so they feel that anyone who gets their number, should have had to work for it a little. In this case, when you go for the number, girls will seem contemplative as to whether or not its such a good idea to give it to you. All that you have to do is show a little persistence by down playing the number as you go for it.
If you’ve had a great interaction with a girl, and she’s still not willing to give you her number, remember – she’s not willing to give it you yet.
In our podcast with Tom, we talk about how emotions are just fleeting states of mind, so one minute a girl might not give you her number, then a minute later she will. My advice here would be to divert the conversation away from exchanging numbers, and instead work something into the conversation that you can do together, then as you both agree on the date, ask, “so what’s the best way of staying in touch?”
Perseverance is what is going to get you through this type of resistance. However you don’t want to be seen as hostile towards anything else a girl has to offer. Admittedly, getting anything less than a number is not ideal, but if you ask a girl for her number, and she offers you her facebook/email, you have to initially accept it, and then progress towards the phone number. Guys that reject a girls offer of facebook/email will often alienate her, as they are seen as punishing her for her compliance. So take anything you’re offered, and move forward, down-playing the number/date.
If a girl offers to take your number, instead of giving you hers, it’s unlikely that she will ever get back to you. Again, reinforce her compliance by taking her phone and entering your number; then with her phone in your hand, call your own phone, so that you have her number too. This is very cheeky, and again demonstrates your playful persistence.
The final hurdle that guys face in regards to how to get a girls phone number, and something that I often get asked about, is what to do when a girl mentions a boyfriend. To a lot of guys, any mention of a boyfriend whatsoever is a conversational-dead end, and results in them giving up there and then. Believe it or not, even with my superpowers of daygame, I’m a moral man, and I don’t condone pursuing a girl that’s in a relationship. However something that I have learned is that this is often just another way in which girls test guys.
But fear not, moralistic daygamer, there is a more noble way of bypassing the boyfriend card. This is something which I have to give credit to Paul Janka for, and he calls it a ‘month indicator’:
“This is London/(insert relevant city), things happen, things change.. I’ll tell you what, I’ll take your number down, but I’m only going to send you one text… in 3-months time. If somehow you’re single, maybe we’ll hang out. If not, I’ll be happy for you, and we’ve lost nothing.” – If you do something like this, do not text them within the time period which you agreed upon. Put a reminder on your phone, or a note on your calendar, and stick to your word. Once you know how to get a girls phone number, properly, you’re free to advance to the realms of the first date.
Hope this helps,