How To Talk To Girls
We have planned the words, we have planned the delivery and we have prepared ourselves to the fullest extent. Finally we shake off the excess nervousness and walk over. We open our mouth…and come across as a retarded mule asking for an extra helping of carrots. Learning how to talk to girls can seem overwhelming but with the right techniques talking to girls is actually pretty straight forward.
A slight exaggeration, perhaps, but we have met enough men who have described situations similar to this one to us (maybe not in those exact words, but still). Talking to girls is a trial by fire that can send cold sweat down our brows. For many guys, just walking over and saying something can be hard. So they stay where they are, envying the guys approaching the women, as they ”have it all”.
But the grass is not always greener on that side of the fence either. An equally large group of men have told us how they can easily start a conversation with a woman, but how they cannot seem to make it go anywhere or keep her interest. They understand how to talk to girls and make it past those initial seconds. They get a conversation going, they’re having fun and it seems to be going their way. Then she smiles and says: ‘It was really nice talking to you’ and walks away. And they come to us, puzzled, asking what went wrong. They had a conversation; they didn’t say anything offensive or wrong. She should have been all over them, shouldn’t she?
When Our Conceptions Crashes With Reality…
Years ago, I also thought it was that easy. That as long as we got into a conversation, as long as we could just have a bit of her time, she would be ours and find us fascinating and charming and reliable. So eventually, we learned how to approach and start a conversation with a girl, only to find that the women we talked to would excuse herself after a couple of minutes to go talk to the handsome guy at the bar that she had been eyeing surreptitiously the whole time we had stood there. Or worse, the seemingly unattractive guy she had been eyeing. Something was off.
…It’s Back To The Drawing Board
So we dived deeper. We opened ourselves up to the possibility that our ideas and methods of conversing with women weren’t the sure-fire ticket to romance that we had thought it was, and we started digging. We hung out with guys that ”had it”, men who always seemed to having women chasing them. We approached thousands of women, putting our hard earned lessons into practice. Soon, our old beliefs started coming apart at the seams, and we noticed patterns in our interactions. We saw how certain behaviors and certain ways of talking to girls triggered very different responses than we usually got, and we started getting results that would seem unthinkable when we started out.
The idea of how to talk to a girl presented in popular media, winning her over by logically demonstrating how great of a guy you are by being ever-attentive, available, kind, politically correct etc, it’s all very counterproductive. It became clear to us that, at least in the beginning phases of a relation, women are intrigued and attracted to very different things than what we had been made to believe. They are looking for certain traits in a man, and they discover them, or realize they are not there, based on how he communicates. Therefore, by learning how to communicate in a certain way, you’ll notice that women’s reactions to you change in very profound and pleasing ways.
If you’re following what we are saying it must make be very familiar you, maybe the opening scenarios struck a chord with you. In that case, wonderful, because we will go about helping you change that in the course of this article. Let go of all your old preconceptions, and keep an open mind to new information. By applying these principles and mannerism in your life, you can learn how to talk to women in captivating ways which will increase the success of your dating life:
1. Don’t EVER Seek Approval
Most men do this unfortunately as there is nothing more akin to kryptonite when talking to women as being needy and approval seeking. Women desire men who are confident and who are checking if she is good enough for him, and not if she thinks he is good enough for her. Let that sink in, because that single little sentence is a life-changer. When men seek approval, it implicitly indicates that he doesn’t trust his own opinion of himself, or that he values others’ opinion above his own. This is detrimental to a woman’s attraction for him, and will kill your chances instantly.
Instead, when learning how to talk to a girl you would want to tease her, challenge her and be playful. Think of how you would treat your little sister: with love and care, but at the same time with authority and playfulness, always keeping her guessing. Would you react and become self-conscious because of something your little sister said to you? Of course not, so there’s no reason to react to a woman you’ve just met that way. Give her a cheeky nickname, hold a door open for her and close it just before she goes through and say ‘Too slow, try again’. This is just one example of how to do it. Think that you are the one screening her. Does she have humor? Can she control her temper? Does she have an attitude problem? Is she confident in herself? Decide to find out if she meets your standards, and act accordingly, putting HER to the test. It will flip the rules completely, and if you feel nervous about this, rest assured: women LOVE this behavior in a man. In her mind, you will seem like Brad Pitt taped to a litter of kittens.
2. Don’t Try To Brag Or Show Off
This is another biggie, and one that might seem counter-intuitive. You’re probably thinking that a woman would love to find out that you’re rich, drive a Ferrari, got top grades in school, that you have six-pack abs etc. That would make you seem successful and attractive, no? Sure, a woman can appreciate those things, if she discovers it by herself. If you keep telling her and showing off with it though, that is another matter altogether.
Men who understand how to talk to girls never do this because when you brag to a woman you are sending the message that she is the buyer and you are the seller. So she will look under the hood, kick the tires and make sure you are all you’re cracked up to be. Like we said in the previous section that is not desirable for you. Bragging and showing off also telegraphs a sense of insecurity, it is a form of approval seeking as well, yearning for recognition for your achievements. If you have all those things, it might intrigue a woman to date you, but more often than not, she will see you as a sugar daddy, not the healthiest basis for a relationship.
Instead of bragging be humble and down to earth. Don’t be overly modest, but avoid showing off and let her find out things in time. If you haven’t told her something impressive about you, she will be much more surprised when she finds out, and fascinated and curious about why you didn’t brag about it from the instant you met her, which will score you points in her book.
3. Keep The Conversation Light and Fun – Avoid Loaded, Bland and Negative Topics
Ever been out on the town to have a fun time with your friends and ended up talking to someone that want to discuss politics, religion or how their bad health is affecting them (often believing that the alcohol they have consumed somehow enhances their ability to have an intelligent, interesting conversation)? If you have, you will no doubt be aware of how unfathomably boring such conversations are. Just the same, so many men seem to believe that this is the way to win a woman’s affection, boring her to death or arguing over loaded subjects.
Of course, much up it can be attributed to nervousness, and when a conversation or a date starts to get stale or awkward, it’s just our instinct to grasp at every conversational straw that we’ve got at our disposal. However, it doesn’t help, and you would generally be advised to avoid such topics. You probably go on a date or approach a woman because you would like to get to know her and have fun, so make that your primary goal. While you’re out talking to girls keep the conversation light, easy flowing and fun. Don’t be afraid to change the topic or even interrupt her to say something now and then. If she starts to talk about loaded topics herself, gently steer the conversation in another direction. Asking her open ended questions is a good way to do that (see the next section).
Some of you may protest to this, as you and your friends can discuss this the whole night and have a great time. The thing is that men connect through sparring and games of one-upmanship, while women don’t seek to connect that way. Such conversation may be a good way to befriend a man, but when you want to charm and connect with a woman, keep the conversation fun and easy-going.
4. Ask The Right Questions – Open. Not Closed
Men have a way of communicating in a very straight-forward manner:
Man 1: ‘Did you see the match last night?’
Man 2: ‘Yeah’
Man 1: ‘Nice goal by Arshavin, right?’
Man 2: ‘Yeah!’
Man 1: ‘That Rooney’s a bit of a tosser though huh?’
Man 2: ‘Totally’
Sparkling conversation, right? We men talk like that because it suits us very well. We tend to like, efficient, straightforward, logical ways of communicating, which definitely works in our favors when something needs doing. It’s one of our great strengths. When dealing with women, though, it becomes one of our shortcomings.
Women are enlivened by detail-rich communication. They like to pay a lot more attention the smaller points and the experience that we men do. To us and analogy: when we men want information, we want a telegram with the key points. When learning how to talk to women you will start to find that they want information, they want to be painted a picture of what happened. Women communicate in a much more emotional way than men, therefore, when a man tries to communicate with a woman in a male way, she is often uninterested, and when a woman tries to communicate with a man in a feminine way, the man is left confused, wondering why she just can’t get to the point of what’s being done.
We men want to ‘close’ a conversational thread with a decisive argument or a solution to a problem, so we ask closed “Yes-No-questions” to achieve that. Women on the other hand prefer open conversation, where they can expand upon a subject and let the conversation flow.
Understanding this, we men are well served by learning how to ask open-ended questions. For example, if a woman tells you she’s just been to Greece:
“Closed” male way of communicating.
‘Oh, really, was it cool?’
‘Yes’
‘Awesome’
Feminine, open-ended way of communicating
‘Oh, really. I’d always liked Greece, it’s a fascinating country. What was the best thing about being there?’
‘Well, I really loved the sea at night, it was just so…..’
The first question will garner a simple, “yes-no”-response, and that will be the end of it. With the second question, as you talk to a woman let her speak completely and paint a picture, and it’s easy to follow up with further questions as she goes on. The beauty of this is you can let her do most of the talking, which solves the problem of “running out of things to say”, and lets her connect with you. Women are used to being talked to death by men who are interested in them, so when they meet a man who actually takes an interest in her and listens to what she has to say, you will definitely stand out in her eyes.
5. Talk With Passion And Energy
Positivity is contagious. Everyone loves to hang around positive people to share the vibe. When you mix that with passion and enthusiasm, you become enthralling.
We’ve asked many women what they think is the most attractive quality in a man, and passion has popped up a lot of times. A passionate man is in touch with his drives and his masculine energy, and being in that presence really invigorates and enlivens a woman, not to mention that it turns her on like a building on fire.
It’s connected to what we noted in the previous section: that women prefer a more emotional way of communicating. So when talking to women, don’t talk like you would to a mate; in simple, concise and logical sentences. Liven it up. Talk with energy, allow your emotions to be a part of the way you talk, gesture more and make your words come alive. If it seems foreign to you, remind yourself that you do it every time you watch football, screaming at the screen, shouting at the players. Of course, there’s no need to shout in her face, but fill your words with emotion and talk to her like you are excited to be having the conversation, like it makes you come alive. Even if it feels awkward at first, doing it on purpose will make you do it naturally after a while.
Commit to talk with more energy and emotion, both when talking to women and men. Our students learning how to talk to a girl always notice the difference.
6. Avoid The “Nice-Guy-Trap” By Stating Your Desire…
This is the most important part when mastering how to talk to girls Without this, all the other steps combined may not help at all, so this is where you would be well-advised to pay attention.
A lot of guys we know are real charming men: they are fun, lively and comfortable speaking to women. Yet, they often end up in the friend-zone by having the women suggest that they ‘just be friends’. It’s because they fail to do one simple thing: actually display interest in the woman.
This is really important, but men constantly learn to hide their interest or pretend it’s not here, attempting to “go under the radar” until the woman likes him enough that it’s a certainty. This is the step where we shoot ourselves in the foot with a rocket launcher. Women want to feel desired, and it’s really hard for them to feel attracted to a man who doesn’t dare to show his card.
This isn’t to be misunderstood as an encouragement to drool all over every woman you like, showering her with compliments to get her to like you. Those men are on the other extreme of the scales, and they fare no better. A woman wants to be desired, but by a man who is secure in himself, and can share that desire without fear or hidden agendas.
Drop it in a few times during your conversation. Don’t make a big deal out of it, but let her know that you fancy her. For example, if she says she studies economics, reply:
‘Ok, so you studied economics…..I like that, it means you’re smart as well as sexy’
And then just keep going where you left off. Don’t turn silent and await a response or a reaction. State your desire comfortably and honestly.
7. …But Leave Her Wanting More
When you can do it in this way, it takes her off guard and it definitely intrigues her that you can be this shamelessly honest about it. It also leaves her wanting more, making her chase you for more of those good feeling she gets from hearing you say it. This really amps up the sexual tension and you can keep putting in these small comments to sexually spike the conversation. Each time you do it the tension rises, making it exponentially more powerful as time goes by. By the end of the night she’ll be ready to jump your bones. Learning to show your desire in this way will clearly let women know that you are not looking for friendship alone, and it also lets you filter out those who aren’t interested in you in the first place, saving yourself a lot of hassle.
By applying all these steps on how to talk to girls, you will find that many more women will be open to your advances. We also have several more good ways to increase sexual tension in our article How To Kiss A Girl , and guides to take the interaction further in How To Ask A Girl Out. Also, in our free email newsletter we send out articles, videos, tips dating secrets, discount offers and tons of other information that will further teach you how to get the girl of your dreams and keep her. Just write your email in the box below and you’re good to go. It’s totally FREE so you’ve got nothing to lose. If you want to take your dating life to a whole new level, sign up, and you’ll hear from us soon.
To your success,
Jon Matrix – Executive Instructor
