I have come to detest the concepts of direct and indirect. Having taught daygame for 10 years now, I am convinced there are only 2 ways of approaching a girl, clever and socially congruent and not so clever and socially incongruent. For example it’s clever to go and directly compliment a walking girl on the street but for the myriad other situations a direct compliment is simply not socially congruent.

Imagine the amount of times a hot girl has been waiting for her friend, and a guy has gone up to her and paid her some sleazy compliment, mainly because she is a sitting duck. Over time, these girls have built up a Pavlovian reaction, reacting defensive and weary every time a guy pitches up in that sort of situation.  Whereas an average guy simply has no clue about the Yad stop and therefore that situation remains romantic and beautiful to many girls out there. Perhaps not those that walk around Oxford street in London regularly and in other Daygame hotspots, but generally speaking.

In order not to trigger these latent bad vibes within these more stationary girls, you’re better off asking an easy-going and cheeky question and then only after a couple of minutes paying her a direct compliment.

Picture the scene, a beautiful girl has just ordered coffee and takes a seat. She is looking forward to some down time checking out the many likes she has received on social media for flaunting her juicy buttocks. Suddenly there is a knock at the figurative door, a guy is looming over her and going in with a very direct compliment, making her the centre of attention. Unfortunately the first thing in her mind is a Pavlovian reaction towards your beautiful direct compliment, flashbacks to all the other times she has been accosted when she is stationary and the guy has turned out to be a sleazeball. She therefore goes into defence/freak mode about the situation and starts looking forward to being left alone again. Herein lies the problem with going direct in this particular set of circumstances.

It would have been much cleverer to go over and ask her with a cheeky smile “Hi sorry to interrupt (showing a degree of social awareness is important here in calming her nerves) but do you know the best vibe around here for laptop work?” Now she becomes engaged in an easy going manner, she will talk about the best place she has come across in answer to your question, most importantly her mode isn’t defensive and you’ve shown her self-awareness as well as a bit of your good vibes.

Then you can say anything like “by the way, I like your tan, have you been on a beach holiday?” or simply carry on with easy going chat like “so you study around here?” “what subject?” she says “chemistry” you say “interesting, cracked any major discoveries yet?” And so on until 5 minutes later you can compliment her beautiful skin. The point is you’re not triggering her defence mechanism. This situation is entirely different from the classic Yad stop scenario, where you simply must go with a direct compliment, as it’s the only congruent thing to do.

Picture another situation, a beautiful young girl is ambling around in a shop, rummaging through the latest fashion gear. You go up to her and say “Hey I know this is a little random but i just saw you over there and i thought you looked really nice” you say it with a good vibe and she smiles. The only thing is she is a millennial with a large dose of social anxiety for anything like a direct compliment in a confined situation, she would prefer you followed her on Instagram and gave her pictures a like. So she slips away with a bit of anxiety about the whole situation, unprepared for your direct vibes in a tight situation. Now you feel like a weirdo and she feels awkward, yet you did everything right. What would have been much cleverer is to go over to her and say “Hey is this the best place to buy a girl a present?” again you wouldn’t trigger any social anxiety and after a few minutes of chit chat you can slowly sneak in a direct compliment. I am now convinced that this is the way forward for stationary girls vs moving girls.

It’s important that you strike a happy and cheeky tone when you ask the question, otherwise if you have a serious tone then you’re missing the point entirely, same actually goes for being direct, but here it’s even more imperative. It’s also important that the question is on the right side of easy-going, because if it’s too serious then you’ll get a serious vibe back. So for example “Excuse me do you know where I can get the best hipster coffee?” Is great, whereas “Excuse me do you know where X train station is around here?” Is way too serious and normal sounding. Basically you’re sub-communicating attraction and social awareness so she knows you’re asking because she is attractive. Trust me, when you go in with an easy going question and a cheeky sexy smile and vibe, she can easily deduce that you don’t really mean that question especially when the question is as silly as “where is the best coffee shop”. What you really mean is I think you’re cute and I wanna come over to speak to you but I didn’t want to put you on the spot in this tight situation.

I would also ass that girls over 30 this rule doesn’t apply to as much, as by that age they can take a good old direct compliments anywhere, any time, they are much more at ease with who they are by that point.

To sum it up: go clever and direct when she is moving and go clever and indirect if she is more stationary.

Let me know what you guys think below.

Best,

Yad